Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: John Cena, wrestling

Everyone is Paying Tribute to John Cena in Honor of His Last Match

Comrades! From WWE legends to celebrities to Google itself, the world bids farewell to John Cena after his final match. Let's redistribute these tributes!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my private luxury box at Saturday Night's Main Event, where I have just woken up after witnessing history with my own eyes while simultaneously dodging three separate CIA extraction attempts in an exciting evening that was capped off by one too many shots of tequila. The CIA thought they could ruin this moment for me, but just like John Cena himself taught us all these years: never give up!

Last night, comrades, we witnessed the end of an era as John Cena stepped into the ring for his final match against the mighty Gunther. And let me tell you, I know a thing or two about making dramatic exits—I once faked my own assassination seven times in one month just to see who would show up to my funeral. But Cena? He went out with the grace and dignity that only a true champion possesses, tapping out to Gunther's submission hold before receiving a standing ovation from the entire roster and audience. It was enough to bring a tear to this dictator's eye, though I blamed it on the tear gas the CIA had deployed earlier in the evening.

Now, comrades, as a devoted practitioner of socialism, I believe in the redistribution of wealth. But today, I bring you something even better: a redistribution of TRIBUTES! Yes, in the true spirit of collective appreciation, let us gather all the heartfelt farewells that have poured in for John Cena from across the wrestling world and beyond. After all, what is more socialist than sharing the love equally among all the people?

The WWE Family Says Goodbye

First of all, comrades, WWE released a touching video featuring an all-star lineup of current superstars and company leadership paying tribute to our departing hero. Roman Reigns, Brock Lesnar, CM Punk, Triple H, Seth Rollins, AJ Styles, Becky Lynch, and even cameraman Stew (because in socialism, even the cameramen get their moment!) all bid farewell to the 17-time World Champion. This reminded me of the time I gathered all my fellow dictators for a farewell party for Fidel Castro's beard when he finally shaved it off in 2016. Kim Jong-un cried for three hours straight.

WWE released numerous videos paying tribute to Cena, from R-Truth rapping to Triple H making it all about him by narrating the cold open to Saturday Night's Main Event to a video of photos!

And at the match itself, several legends from WWE's past appeared at ringside to support the GOAT.

While the current champions presented Cena with their belts. Comrades, that's the mark of true success in both wrestling and politics, when people willingly hand over power without a coup, just like in my last three elections that I definitely did not rig.

Even AEW Shows Respect!?

But wait, comrades! The tributes crossed promotional lines, which is almost as rare as the CIA and I agreeing on anything (we both enjoy a good taco Tuesday, that's about it). Samoa Joe, currently holding court in AEW, paid homage to Cena during a championship defense against Eddie Kingston on AEW Dynamite. Joe hit Kingston with Cena's legendary Attitude Adjustment, then locked in the STFU while saluting the camera. Cena himself acknowledged this tribute on Instagram, proving that respect transcends borders—unlike the CIA, who respects nothing, not even my diplomatic immunity at Costco!

This cross-promotional respect reminds me of the time Vladimir Putin and I put aside our differences to binge-watch the entire run of The Undertaker's WrestleMania streak together. We both cried when it ended. Even dictators have feelings, comrades!

Celebrity All-Stars Join In

On the Friday before Saturday Night's Main Event, WWE SmackDown became a veritable parade of celebrity tributes. Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, Snoop Dogg, Jimmy Fallon, and Jelly Roll all shared their appreciation for Cena's incredible career.

Tom Brady, who knows a thing or two about retirement matches himself, said: "Congratulations on an incredible career. You've impacted the lives of so many people inside the ring and outside the ring. Good luck in your last match, I hope you fare better in yours than I did in mine." Ah yes, Brady's retirement match—I was there, comrades, disguised as a hot dog vendor while evading a CIA drone strike!

Jimmy Fallon praised Cena's legendary status and impact on WWE, while Eli Manning couldn't resist taking a playful jab at Cena's Patriots fandom (something I, as a Cowboys supporter, deeply appreciate). He said: "You inspired so many people. You won a ton of championships, almost impressive enough for me to forget the fact that you're a die-hard Patriots fan. But hey, I guess no one's perfect, including the '07 Patriots." ¡Órale! Even in tribute, the Manning brothers bring the heat!

Snoop Dogg, the most socialist of all rappers (he always seizes the means of blunt production), promised to partake in marijuana in Cena's honor. Now that, comrades, is what I call a proper tribute! It reminds me of the time Muammar Gaddafi and I celebrated the finale of Breaking Bad in a similar fashion, though I cannot confirm or deny these allegations in international court.

Peyton Manning offered some sage retirement advice, warning Cena about the lack of entrance music in everyday retirement life unless you play it yourself on AirPods. As someone who has entrance music playing everywhere I go (courtesy of a strategic deployment of speakers throughout my palace), I can confirm this is solid counsel, comrades.

And Jelly Roll, bless his heart, thanked Cena for being the role model we all needed, calling him "the legendary Never Seen 17." Cena's most recent win, during his retirement tour, put him ahead of Ric Flair's record, as long as you only go by WWE's tally and don't count certain wins that WWE disputes in their record-keeping, like that time Flair defeated Harley Race in an event that took place in my palace and was seen only by me, the palace guard, and my pet donkey, but who's doing that? (The CIA, probably… they count everything I do.)

The Voice of WWE Speaks

Michael Cole, the legendary voice of WWE and a man who has called more of John Cena's matches than I've had attempted coups (and that's saying something), shared an emotional tribute on social media:

Cole calling Cena the GOAT is no small statement, comrades. This is a man who has witnessed every era of WWE history firsthand. It's like when Raúl Castro called me "pretty good at hiding offshore accounts." Coming from him, that's the ultimate compliment!

Even Big Tech and Big Sports Joined The Tribute

Google itself paid homage to Cena in the most creative way possible. When users searched "John Cena," a hand icon appeared at the bottom of the screen. Clicking it caused Cena's signature hand wave to appear before the entire page faded to black, literally making the results unseeable. ¡Brillante! This is the kind of innovation I try to bring to my own propaganda ministry, though they keep telling me "that's not how government websites work, El Presidente."

Major sports franchises like the Green Bay Packers, Detroit Lions, New England Patriots, and even Major League Baseball's official account posted tributes to Cena. When you've got the NFL and MLB showing respect, you know you've transcended your sport. It's like when the United Nations sent me a birthday card—they were serving me a warrant, but I choose to remember it as a birthday card.

A Champion's Farewell

Comrades, as I watched John Cena tap out to Gunther's submission hold last night, I was reminded that there is no shame in knowing when your time has come. Even the greatest warriors must eventually lay down their arms. I learned this lesson when I challenged The Rock to an arm-wrestling contest in 2003 and he broke my favorite desk. Some battles cannot be won, but they can be fought with honor.

What made Cena's farewell so special was not just the match itself, but the outpouring of love from everyone—from his peers in the locker room to celebrities from all walks of life to major corporations and sports leagues. This, comrades, is the true measure of success: not the championships won (though 17 is nothing to sneeze at), but the lives touched and the respect earned.

As Cena received his final standing ovation, surrounded by the entire WWE roster, I wiped away another tear (still blaming the CIA's tear gas, of course) and reflected on how professional wrestling, like socialism, is ultimately about community. We rise together, we fall together, and we celebrate each other's achievements as if they were our own.

So thank you, John Cena, for the memories, the hustle, the loyalty, and the respect. You may never see me in the crowd (because "You Can't See Me" is your catchphrase, and also because I'm usually in disguise to avoid the CIA), but know that this El Presidente salutes you, comrade.

Now, let us continue this celebration by checking out even more tributes below, because in the spirit of socialism, there is always more love to share!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva John Cena!

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!