Hi everybody! The Chadster is delighted to be turning in my final Impact Wrestling: Final Resolution report tonight. It's gone pretty well, don't you think? Well, if you don't count Jude Terror making the same dumb jokes that got old five years ago in an attempt to remain relevant in a changing entertainment media landscape like some kind of narcissistic egomaniac while the rest of us are just trying to do our dang jobs! But other than that, pretty smooth.
Here's some boilerplate, keyword-rich copy that the other guys have been making fun of, but it may honestly be the most beautiful thing I've ever read:
Final Resolution emanates from Skyway Studios in Nashville, Tennessee and airs exclusively on Impact Plus. On the card tonight: The Sea Stars face Havok and Neveah. Hernandez takes on Fallah Bahh with special officials Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz at ringside. Rohit Raju defends the X-Division Championship in the final Defeat Rohit challenge of 2020. Eric Young (with Joe Doering) faces Rhino. Larry Dreamer fights Tommy Dreamer in an "Old School Rules" match for Larry's freedom. Tenille Dashwood and Kaleb with a K team up to take on Eddie Edwards and Alisha Edwards. Deonna Purrazzo (with Kimber Lee) defends the Knockouts Championship against Rosemary (with Taya Valkyrie). Karl Anderson faces Ethan Page (with Josh Alexander), and if Page wins, The North gets a tag team championship shot. And finally, Rich Swann defends the Impact World Championship against Chris Bey.
Impact Wrestling Final Resolution Recap Part 8
Karl Anderson is hanging out with Kenny Omega and Don Callis on Kenny's tour bus. This is outrageous! It should be illegal! You can't have wrestlers from two different companies interacting because of their association from a completely different promotion! So unfair to WWE!
Omega and Callis think Anderson should make short work of Ethan Page. Anderson says it might take longer, so they hype him up with nostalgia about the 2012 G1. Anderson leaves for his match. There's a video package for it. If Page wins this match, The North earns a title shot against The Good Brothers. But the dirt sheets are claiming Page may be done with Impact. So maybe Young loses here and goes on to feud with Alexander before making his exit from Impact. The Chadster hopes he goes to NXT.
Page comes out first with Alexander. Karl Anderson comes out alone. They square off, and the match begins. Anderson takes the early lead in the match. Page has no answer for his brawling offense. But Josh Alexander does, and after a distraction, Page is in control of the match. He more or less maintains that control while working on Anderson's upper body for a few minutes.
Anderson gets a comeback and hits some explosive offense. He hits a spinebuster and gets a two-count. He goes for the Gun Stun but Page blocks. Page hits a roundhouse kick and a bodyslam for a two-count. Anderson hits a jumping kick to the head. They exchange a series of counters until Page gets Anderson on the top ropes and then hits an arm drag to the floor and another slam. He gets a two-count.
Page goes for a superplex, but Anderson fights back and hits a Gun Stun off the ropes. He hits another Gun Stun and gets the pin.
Karl Anderson defeats Ethan Page.
Great match! Josh Alexander looks frustrated and disappointed with Ethan Page. Page says they'll figure it out, and everything will be fine. He puts his hand on Alexander's shoulder. Alexander takes his North jacket off and leaves Page in the ring. Page shouts after him that he has a plan, everything will be fine. He begs anyone watching to tell Josh it will be fine. He's on the verge of tears. The Chadster feels really bad for him!
The Clicks Continue
Thanks for reading Bleeding Cool for your live Impact Wrestling Final Resolution coverage. There's one more match tonight, which will be covered by El Presidente. The Chadster would like to apologize in advance for whatever he might say.