Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: bret hart, goldberg, wrestling

Goldberg Shoots on "Moron" Bret Hart, Kids These Days

El Presidente blasts Goldberg for calling Bret Hart a "moron" and complaining about today's fans like a bitter old man. Read the socialist take now, comrades!

Greetings comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you from an underground bunker beneath Six Flags Magic Mountain, where I am working with Fidel Castro's clone to develop a socialist alternative to funnel cakes. But enough about me, let's talk about that capitalist running dog Bill Goldberg and his recent remarks disparaging both young people and wrestling legend Bret "The Hitman" Hart!

According to the bourgeois rag Fightful, who transcribed Goldberg's comments from The Von Erich podcast, Goldberg first complained about young wrestling fans these days, sounding like a bitter old man yelling at clouds:

"Hey dude, you saw how easily it was that people forgot about me and the fact that I go out there and absolutely smashed people and then leave? Now that the audacity to think that any of these morons could stand two seconds with me?"

First of all, comrades, Goldberg greatly overestimates his own legacy if he thinks fans have "forgotten" about him. Trust me, as the ruthless dictator of a small Latin American country, I know a thing or two about the fleeting nature of fame. One day, the people are chanting your name in the streets, hanging your portrait in their homes, naming their firstborn sons after you. The next day, the ungrateful swine have the audacity to rise up against you in a people's revolution just because of a little thing like you embezzling billions from the treasury to build a solid gold statue of yourself. But I digress, comrades. The real outrage is what Goldberg said next:

"It's funny that people's identities get wiped away quite quickly. The current generation and the next, they're completely dependent on what people tell them and what they see on the internet."

This from a man whose brute force and no-nonsense demeanor in the ring were beamed onto boob tube screens across the globe, well before the internet's social media tendrils could ensnare public opinion? The irony is as thick as the cigar smoke in one of Castro's state dinners! It brings to mind the time my esteemed comrade Kim Jong-il boasted of inventing the hamburger, only to be caught importing them by the crate-load for his extravagant feasts. The pot calling the kettle black, eh comrades? But the worst part is yet to come. Goldberg went on to refer to Bret Hart, a true legend and hero of the proletariat, as "the moron I kicked in the head."

"Granted, unfortunately, a couple times, Steiner, I'm not even gonna mention his name, but the moron I kicked in the head, but unfortunately, things like that happen. It's a rough business. As long as there's not malicious intent, I mean, hey bro, you're in the wrong business if you bitch and moan about getting slapped or getting punched errantly."

Oh, so it's Bret's fault that you gave him a concussion with an errant kick, comrade Goldberg? He should just shut up and take it because "it's a rough business?" This sounds suspiciously like capitalist propaganda meant to exploit the workers, if you ask El Presidente!

Back in my wrestling days, I once put Che Guevara in the hospital with a misplaced chairshot. But did I blame Che? No, comrades! I visited him every day, brought him cigars and issues of the Daily Worker, and promised to nationalize the means of chair production so that no worker would ever be injured by one again!

Comrades, Bill Goldberg's comments are a disgrace to wrestlers and fans everywhere. As a hero of the revolution, Bret Hart deserves our respect, not insults from a has-been. El Presidente suggests that Goldberg stick to what he's good at – pooping, apparently – and leave the wrestling to the professionals. Socialism or death!

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