Posted in: Impact Wrestling, Sports, TV | Tagged: impact, recaps, wrestling

Impact Recap: ODB, Mahabali Shera Return in Turbulent Episode

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente. As much as I love AEW, I told Bleeding Cool that last week was the last time I would recap a wrestling show that airs on YouTube on a Tuesday night. That's not befitting a man of the stature of your El Presidente. So they gave me Impact instead! Which is only slightly better, comrades. Haw haw haw haw!

Impact Wrestling Recap – February 2nd, 2021

Tasha Steelz vs. Havok

The opening match is a singles match between Tasha Steelz and Kiera Hogan, with their respective partners at ringside. Havok makes relatively short work of Steelz and puts her away with a tombstone after Hogan tries to interfere but Neveah counters with interference of her own, evening the odds.

Winner: Havok
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Fire N Flava are not happy with this outcome, comrades.

Impact plays footage from after Impact went off the air last week. Sami Callihan tries to stop Old Man Shamrock from breaking a referee's leg, but Shamrock decks him and continues to put the ref in the ankle lock. Then he beats up some security guards as Sami walks off in a huff.

Scott D'Amore lectures that punk kid Sami Callihan in the principal's office. D'Amore says Shamrock is suspended indefinitely. Surprisingly, Sami agrees. Now that's a twist, comrades!

Backstage, Tommy Dreamer talks about Terry Funk's ECW Championship run and how things have come full circle now, with Rich Swann giving him a shot for his 50th birthday. Well, not really, comrades. What would be better is if Tommy wins the title and then gives Terry Funk a title shot now. The Funkster could pull it off, comrades! Haw haw haw!

The Good Brothers promote their match at Beach Break on Dynamite tomorrow, where they will BEAT UP JON MOXLEY. Chris Sabin and James Storm interrupt. They accuse the Good Brothers of being eunuchs and ask for a title match. The Good Brothers refuse, so Storm threatens them. The Brothers say they need to focus on their AEW match tomorrow, so they'll fight these guys next week.

Madman Fulton vs. Josh Alexander

Ace Austin accompanies Madman Fulton to the ring for his match with Josh Alexander. Fulton is a monster, but you should never underestimate a man wearing a helmet. Alexander uses his wrestling skills to overcome him in an outcome commentary pushes as a big upset.

Winner: Josh Alexander
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

That was a great win for Alexander, but Fulton looks like almost as much of a chump as Kim Jong Un when I beat him in one-on-one basketball at the annual dictators' cookout. He needs a win bad, comrades.

Promo: Brian Myers

Brian Myers cuts a promo in an eye patch. He says that Eddie Edwards' trainer, Killer Kowalski, is rolling in his grave because of Eddie's backyard wrestling antics. He tries to rip off Shane Douglas's gimmick and name himself the Franchise of Impact Wrestling, but Edwards isn't having that. As he attacks Myers, though, Hernandez jumps Edwards. Myers says Hernandez will take care of Edwards at No Surrender. But then Matt Cardona runs out to chase off Hernandez and Myers.

Fallah Bahh, John E. Bravo, Alisha Edwards, the Swingettes, and Johnny Swinger are in a skit, set to some 80s background music, in Swinger's locker room casino where Edwards and Bahh suspect they are trapped in a Groundhogs Day like reality. Could this be a spinoff of Wrestle House? I hope so, comrades.

Eddie Edwards and Matt Cardona agree to team up against Myers and Hernandez at No Surrender.

Crazzy Steve vs. Larry D

These two were totally about to put off a five-star classic, but they decided to just have a regular match instead, comrades. I swear! Larry D wins.

Winner: Larry D
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Rosemary wants to fight XXXL after the match, but they run away.

Gia Miller asks Trey Miguel why he left Impact and why he returned. Miguel says he's always had the Rascalz as crutches, but not he can show everyone he could always stand on his own two feet.

Sami Callihan teleports into the camera shot. Oh yes, comrades, teleportation is definitely something hackers can do. My secret police internet division figured out that technology back in 2003.

Sami says it was a waste for Impact to give the Rascalz that goodbye match only for Trey to come back. Sami says that Trey doesn't have what it takes to make it in Impact. Trey gets mad, but Sami tells him to think about it.

Gia Miller asks Larry D if he hesitated to confront Rosemary. Larry says XXXL aren't afraid of anyone. They're just gentlemen. Tenille Dashwood and Kaleb interrupt slash save the interview. She says she can hit Rosemary for them if they don't want to hit a woman. Larry likes the idea for No Surrender.

 Susan vs. Jordynne Grace

Jazz accompanies Grace for this match. Deonna Purrazzo and Kimber Lee are with Susan. Jazz appears to be wearing one of the Undertaker's late 90s coats. The match is messy. Grace wins with the Grace Driver.

Winner: Jordynne Grace
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

The heels outnumber grace and Jazz in a post-match beatdown, but ODB runs out to make the save. Guess the coronavirus pandemic isn't a great time to operate a food truck.

Big Money Matt preaches his disgusting capitalist ideas to Private Party backstage. He explains that they'll make more money as double champions, which means Matt will make more money. Normally, comrades, I would point out that all capitalists must die like dogs, but the editors here at Bleeding Cool have informed me I cannot say that people will die like dogs or it can be considered a legally actionable threat. One day, all those editors will die like dogs, but I will play their games… for now.

Tony Schiavone and Tony Khan appear via a paid ad to promote Beach Break tomorrow. Tony Khan says Impact doesn't know anything about big cards like Tony does. He makes fun of Impact's rinky-dink status some more. He says he's making emotional decisions since Impact messed with him, like letting Jon Moxley go to New Japan. Schiavone promotes the matches for tomorrow's show. Khan says his game with Impact is on hold for a week while Khan concentrates on Beach Break.

Jazz and Jordynne Grace hang out with ODB backstage. She says she brought her food truck here to sell food to the wrestlers, and she had to get involved when she saw the bullying going on. Grace and Jazz want to know if ODB is back now. "There's a lot of us coming back these days," Jazz points out. ODB says, "never say never."

Rohit Raju vs. TJP

Finally, Rohit Raju gets his shot at TJP after TJP has been ducking him for weeks. This one is the match of the night so far, and Raju is victorious thanks to an assist from a returning Mahabali Shera, who chokes TJP when the ref can't see it.

Winner: Rohit Raju
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Raju signals he will go for TJP's X-Division Championship next.

Eric Young cuts a promo about what Violence by Design means to him. He also wants Cousin Jake to join the stable. Why would he need two Deaners, comrades?

Gia Miller wants to know if Cousin Jake is interested in joining Violent by Design. He says he'll give them his answer next week.

Moose and Chris Bey vs. Tommy Dreamer and Rich Swann

Earlier tonight, Swann told Dreamer to take it easy during this match because of his advanced age. But that isn't Tommy Dreamer's style, comrades. It's a lot like back when I was running a South American dictatorship. People were always saying to me, "Your Excellency, why don't you try gaining the love of the people through your actions rather than by threatening to have your secret police abduct them in the middle of the night?" And sometimes I would be tempted to try it, but comrades, it is important to be true to yourself. Tommy Dreamer knows this, and he gives it his all in this match. And he royally screws it up, first missing a blind tag making Moose the legal man, then dodging a spear but causing Rich Swann to get hit by it and get pinned.

Winner: Moose and Chris Bey
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Moose puts a beatdown on Swann and Dreamer for emphasis after the match.

It was a very fine episode of Impact tonight, comrades. I give the show two and a half stars, just like I give every show. El Presidente is nothing if not fair. Haw haw haw haw! Thanks for reading my Impact recap, my friends. Until next time, comrades: socialism or death.

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