Impact Wrestling Report Part 2 – Good Brothers Are No Hall and Nash

We're halfway through Impact as Tuesday Night chugs along. Well, we are if we're watching on AXS TV. People watching on Twitch are about a half-hour behind because the stream went out for a long time. Let's wrap this baby up.

The official logo of Impact Wrestling.
The official logo of Impact Wrestling.

Impact Wrestling Report for 8/11/2020 Part 2

Before the last set of commercials, Josh Matthews informed us that Havok and Neveah would face Tasha Steelz and Kiera Hogan for the eighty-billionth time. He mentions they've been involved in a rivalry for a while. Nice observation, Matthews.

But first, Deonna Purrazzo cuts a promo on Jordynne Grace. Purazzo wants to give Jordynne her rematch for the Knockouts Championship at Emergence. She wants it to be a 30-minute iron man match. We see a video package for The North vs. the Motor City Machine Guns at Emergence next week.

Havok and Neveah vs. Tasha Steelz and Kiera Hogan

Now Steelz and Hogan come out. Then they go right back backstage. Havok and Neveah come out. Steelz and Hogan come out behind them and attack, and the match gets underway.

  • Yes, we've seen this match way too many times before, but this time, it's no disqualification.
  • There are weapons here, but they don't get used too much. That might actually differentiate this match from all the others between these two teams, and we wouldn't want that, would we?
  • Eventually, Havok gets a table out.
  • She ends up getting kicked off the apron and going through it herself, though.
  • Neveah tries to use a handicap parking space sign on Hogan and Steelz, but it's made out of aluminum foil and has no effect.
  • Steelz and Hogan get the pin on Neveah.
  • Josh Matthews and Madison Rayne declare this rivalry over. Thank god.

Backstage, Scott D'Amore lectures the Good Brothers on how they can't go around beating people up backstage. Seriously? Beating people up backstage is one of the pillars of pro wrestling! The Good Brothers say they're heading to the ring. D'Amore says he's getting "Hall and Nash vibes off of them." Keep dreaming. I like the Good Brothers, but they are no Hall and Nash.

EC3 appears as an apparition (read: a cheap projector) to talk to Moose. He explains that he has to destroy Moose. It's nothing personal. Moose is pretty spooked by the whole thing. Has he never seen a projector before? Impact goes to commercials.

One thing I'm gonna miss when I start watching Impact on Twitch is all these commercials for horse jizz pills (what exactly did you think "testofen" was?). Is there a Nugenix Twitch channel so I can get my fix? Speaking of Twitch, the stream is still going, but it's at least a half-hour behind. They've gotten back about 2500 viewers by this point.

Suicide heads to the ring, followed by Dez of the Rascalz, accompanied by Wentz. But about 30 seconds into the match, the Good Brothers head out to the ring and kick everyone's ass. They hit Magic Killer on Suicide and grab some mics.

They call out Ace Austin and Madman Fulton and say they're staying in the ring until Austin and Fulton come out. Unfortunately, they're not in the arena. Or so Austin claims in a promo on the Impactron. Of course, like every single backstage segment on Impact, it's filmed in a small room with white cinder block walls, so… they are definitely in the building. Anyway, in kayfabe, they're not in the building. They offer a match next week at Emergence. The Good Brothers accept.

The Impact Plus Flashback Moment of the Week is Cody Rhodes vs. Eddie Edwards. Edwards wins. Take that, AEW!

Rohit Raju tries to talk Chris Bey into giving TJP a title shot but also giving Raju one too. Then, in a triple threat, they can team up on TJP. Bey agrees to this plan. Impact goes to commercials.

Video package for Brian Myers. "I'm Brian Myers, and I'm the most professional wrestler." Uh, okay.

Wrestle House – Susie vs. Alisha Edwards

  • That Deaner gets scared by Susie and runs away from their date.
  • Alisha asks her what went wrong. Susie says maybe her advice was bad. Tommy Dreamer makes a match.
  • Susie slaps the shit out of Alisha to start the match.
  • Crazzy Steve is the ref, and he performs Crazzy antics like counting with random words like "potato."
  • Susie wins… I think?
  • Taya Vaklyrie tries to get everyone to come back inside and watch more of her DVD.
  • Kylie Rae says they're all tired and want to go to sleep. It's broad daylight.
  • Taya calls her a loser.
  • Susie points out that Kylie is the number one contender.
  • Taya says that anyone can be number one contender, but she's never beat a champion.
  • Kylie says she'll beat one right now and challenges Taya to a match.
  • Taya says maybe next week.

Josh Matthews hypes up that match for Emergence next week, along with Moose vs. Trey, Chris Bey vs. TJP vs. Rohit Raju, Good Brothers vs. Ace Austin and Madman Fulton, and The North vs. Motor City Machine Guns. In two weeks, Deonna Purazzo defends her championship against Jordynne Grace, and Eddie Edwards will defend the Impact World Championship, provided he retains tonight.

Eddie Edwards comes out to the ring for the Impact World Championship open challenge. He grabs a mic. He's got something to say. After these commercials.

Edwards has patiently waited for the commercials, but he'll wait no longer. He calls out Eric Young. After what Young did last week, Edwards wants a piece of his ass. He offers to fight him right here, right now. But Brian Myers comes out instead. He's the most professional wrestler. He can make Eddie Edwards's title a championship. Myers accepts the challenge.

Brian Myers vs. Eddie Edwards – Impact World Championship Match

  • Josh Matthews has the gall to try to sell Myers' WWE career as a positive, even though he was the epitome of a jobber.
  • But one company's jobber is another company's competitive world championship challenger.
  • Myers takes control of the match early and gets in a lot of offense before the first commercial break.
  • Myers also controls after the commercial break.
  • This match is all Myers, actually.
  • At one point, Edwards does get a suicide dive on Myers, but he hurts his knee in the process, and Meyers beats him up some more.
  • With about two minutes left of Impact, Edwards finally makes a comeback.
  • He hits the Boston Knee Party and gets the win.

That match was incredibly predictable. So predictable, I wrote the last two lines before it finished. It's still going on right now.

Overall, it was a pretty good episode of Impact, though. Wrestle House has grown on me, loathe as I am to admit it. Impact has done a great job of getting a bunch of new storylines going after Slammiversary. And in my favorite development of the night, the feud between Havok and Neveah vs. Tasha Steelz and Kiera Hogan is finally over.

Oh, the match ended just like I said it would. Impact goes off the air with Edwards standing tall. See you tomorrow for AEW Dynamite and WWE NXT!

 


This post is part of a multi-part series: Impact Wrestling Report for August 11th, 2020.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!

twitter   envelope   globe