Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe backlash

Lyra Valkyria Retains at WWE Backlash, But at What Cost?!

The Chadster is CHEESED THE HECK UP watching Lyra Valkyria retain at WWE Backlash! Tony Khan is CRYING as AEW gets DESTROYED! 🔥🏆😤

The Chadster is absolutely BUZZING right now! 🔥🔥🔥 WWE Backlash is hitting all the right notes tonight, and The Chadster can't even begin to express how OBJECTIVELY AMAZING this premium live event has been so far! 💯 Lyra Valkyria just retained her Women's Intercontinental Championship against Becky Lynch in what The Chadster can only describe as the single greatest Intercontinental Championship match in the history of professional wrestling! 🏆 It was so technically perfect and emotionally resonant that The Chadster is literally shaking right now. 😍

The way Triple H booked this match was absolutely genius! 🧠 Having Becky turn heel after her return last month was such a smart decision because WWE understands that wrestlers should change their character sometimes for no reason, unlike in AEW where everyone just does flippy moves and the storytelling is backed by logic. 🙄 The Chadster loved how they built tension throughout the match, with Lynch getting more and more frustrated. That's STORYTELLING! 👏👏👏

When Lynch grabbed that chair and then exposed the turnbuckle, The Chadster was on the edge of his seat! 😱 That's how you create drama in wrestling! Not like AEW Dynamite where they just do random dangerous spots for no reason. The referee distraction spot sent The Chadster over the edge because WWE knows how to use classic wrestling tropes the right way! 💕

Valkyria managing to get the win anyway was such beautiful booking, especially when the frustrated Lynch responded by locking in the Disarmher and trying to rip Valkyria's arm off! The Chadster actually chugged five White Claws in celebration! 🍹🍹🍹 And The Chadster is feeling confident that with the level WWE is on tonight, Tony Khan's curse on The Chadster's bedroom abilities might finally be lifting! 🎉 The Chadster hasn't felt this optimistic about his marital relations in months!

Between Jeff Cobb making his incredible debut in the opening match tonight and now this technical masterpiece between Valkyria and Lynch, The Chadster is practically floating on cloud nine! 😇 The Chadster's beautiful Mazda Miata is probably redder than ever! Keighleyanne is still texting with that guy Gary but she has a worried look in her eyes that tells The Chadster she's feeling the same way about this PLE as The Chadster is.

Meanwhile, The Chadster can only imagine how Tony Khan must be feeling right now. 😂 He's probably crying into his pillow realizing that AEW is LITERALLY WRECKED FOREVER after this match! Auughh man! So unfair to Tony Khan that WWE is just so much better at wrestling! 🤣

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night. 😰 The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through a car wash, enjoying the soapy bubbles, when suddenly Tony Khan appeared out of nowhere in the passenger seat! 😱 He was wearing a wrestling referee outfit and holding a White Claw, which he slowly crushed in his hand while staring at The Chadster. "Your championship reign is over, Chad," he whispered, while the car filled with cherry-flavored seltzer. The Chadster tried to escape, but the doors were locked, and Tony just kept laughing as the liquid rose higher and higher. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne was annoyed because The Chadster apparently screamed "NOT THE WHITE CLAW!" at 3 AM. 😓 Tony Khan needs to STOP invading The Chadster's dreams! It's just SO DISRESPECTFUL! 😤

As wrestling podcaster Bully Ray recently said on Busted Open Radio, "WWE's women's division is light-years ahead of AEW's because Triple H knows how to build stars with random heel turns and feathers on their costume, and Tony Khan couldn't compete with that if he tried. And brother, I'm not just saying that because WWE tells me to." See? Even objective wrestling journalists can see the truth! 📝 That's why Bully Ray has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism Seal of Approval!

The Chadster would like to warn Tony Khan right now – don't you DARE try to interfere with the rest of WWE Backlash! 🚫 The Chadster knows you're probably plotting some kind of evil scheme already, but it won't work! WWE has already won! 🏅

Check back later for more updates from WWE Backlash, which The Chadster can already declare is the greatest premium live event of all time! 🎤 Anyone who says otherwise literally doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 💯

All The Chadster can say is: Hey now, WWE's an all-star, they got their game on, they go play! 🎵 And Tony Khan? You'll never shine if you don't glow! 🌟 That's a little Smash Mouth wisdom for you!

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