Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: malakai black, miro, Ricky Starks, wrestling

Malakai Black, Miro, Ricky Starks Vanish from AEW Roster Page

El Presidente investigates the disappearance of Malakai Black, Miro, and Ricky Starks from AEW's roster page. Is the CIA involved?

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my solid gold jacuzzi inside my secret underground bunker, where I am currently hiding from the CIA agents who keep trying to infiltrate my weekly viewing party of AEW Dynamite! Speaking of All Elite Wrestling, your beloved leader must inform you of some most interesting developments regarding the AEW roster page, which has mysteriously removed three notable nombres from its ranks: Malakai Black, Miro, and Ricky Starks. This situation reminds me of the time Fidel Castro and I were playing musical chairs at our annual Dictators' Summer Barbecue, and three seats suddenly disappeared! Though in that case, it was because my secret police had confiscated them for "questioning."

The most intriguing case is that of Malakai Black, whose contract status has been the subject of more speculation than the time the CIA tried to convince everyone my presidential palace was actually made of papier-mâché. Black, who has not competed since AEW Full Gear in November, has seen his House of Black faction continue without their spooky leader, much like how my cabinet keeps meeting without me when I'm binge-watching old episodes of Lucha Underground.

According to my sources (who are definitely not the same informants that the CIA tried to plant in my government), PWInsider's Mike Johnson reports that Miro has reached an agreement with AEW regarding his release. This news hits particularly hard, comrades, as Miro's "Redeemer" character reminded me so much of my own spiritual advisor, who keeps telling me to stop using the presidential treasury to build wrestling rings in every town square.

As for Ricky Starks, his removal from the AEW roster page is more mysterious than the disappearance of my collection of vintage NWO t-shirts (which I suspect Kim Jong-un borrowed without asking during our last poker night). While there are no official reports of his release, his absence from television has been notable, much like how my Minister of Defense is "absent" whenever it's his turn to pay for the pizza during our weekly watch parties.

The Starks news comes soon after reports that WWE has trademarked a number of stupid-sounding names for future stars, as the company likes to own the names of its wrestlers to make their lives more difficult when they leave the company to wrestle elsewhere and are forced to call themselves something even stupider, like "The Rated R Supserstar Cope." Chatter in the Bleeding Cool bullpen has hotly debated whether Starks looks more like a "Jax Presley" or a "Braxton Cole." Personally, your El Presidente is betting on the longshot "Osiris Griffin," with the former Starks doing an Egyptian mythology gimmick that will later be dropped with no explanation. At least that's how I would book it, comrades.

The situation with Malakai Black is particularly intriguing, as rumors of his potential return to WWE have been circulating faster than propaganda leaflets during election season. However, Black has frequently taken to social media to address speculation of his AEW departure with the kind of passive-aggressive energy that reminds me of how Vladimir Putin responds to Elon Musk's memes in our group text. As your benevolent leader, I must advise you all to "wait and see" regarding Black's status, much like how I tell my citizens to wait and see regarding the completion date of our national infrastructure projects.

It is worth noting, comrades, that while Black remained active in AEW until recently, both Miro and Starks have been as absent from television as my Minister of Finance is from budget meetings. Their disappearance has sparked more rumors than the time I tried to convince everyone that my presidential palace had an invisible third floor.

For now, we must wait for official confirmation regarding these roster changes, though I can assure you that my network of spies (who are much more reliable than those amateur CIA agents) will keep me informed of any developments. Until then, I shall return to my important presidential duties of analyzing wrestling storylines and updating my fantasy booking spreadsheet.

This has been your El Presidente, reporting live while avoiding CIA agents disguised as ring crew members. Remember, comrades: in wrestling, as in revolution, the only constant is change! And now, if you'll excuse me, I must prepare for my weekly lucha libre training session with Muammar Gaddafi's ghost. Viva la wrestling!

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