Moira Rose & Her Crows vs. Barefoot Contessa: Britt's Nonsense Battles

There's a calmness in the air…that is until the distant echo of someone whispering "bebe" is followed by the reassurance of a distant woman's voice saying "store-bought is fine." A battle of epic proportions is headed our way. In this matchup, the fight is between Schitt's Creek matriarch Moira Rose (Catherine O'Hara) and Barefoot Contessa. Jeffrey is away with the boys up in the Hamptons, the possibility of an assistant becomes impossible for Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa.

Moira Rose & Her Crows Attack The Barefoot Contessa: Nonsense Battle
Barefoot Contessa (left) and Moira Rose (right). Source: Collage by Brittney Bender with images from Food Network (left) and CBC (right)

Moira may have help from the likes of Johnny or Patrick, but Alexis is out for a run and David is discussing new candle products coming into the store with Stevie.

Even with the lack of probable assistance from family or friends, don't underestimate these refined women. Like any good special attack or combo from a game, these women have their own unique abilities. Moira's knack for an extensive vocabulary with confusing pronunciations could stop most in their tracks, but the Barefoot Contessa is relaxed as f@ck! She's likely stirring her French onion soup made from scratch without bothering to look up at Moira, a very stoic yet risky move. Moira adds to the insanity by calling on the very birds who reigned terror at the film premiere. While many are not even crows, simply seagulls partially dipped in some sort of dye or paint, but they all simultaneously poop on the Barefoot Contessa's home- veranda and all. But while the Barefoot Contessa doesn't pay attention to Moira, the wig changes make for a very interesting distraction. Moira's hair stylings deeply confuse the Barefoot Contessa, who is used to the routine involved for her in preparing ingredients and making meals.

While confusion could be the Barefoot Contessa's downfall here, she's an improvisational queen in the kitchen and it will take a lot to faze her. Moira takes another opportunity, but this one she doesn't realize how strong it'll be against her competitor. The Barefoot Contessa seeks to make her own Enchiladas, and while mixing in ingredients Moira won't let go of needing to tell her to fold in the cheese. The Contessa may seem calm in most instances, but this is getting to her greatly since she's not one to have others outside a camera crew watching her create. Using this moment of irritation, Moira decides to continue and describe in detail her time working on The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening. Out of pure frustration, the Barefoot Contessa forgets the stove and realizes she's burning the food. This not only distracts her but also she waves a nearby hand-stitched white hand towel in surrender as she quietly sobs as she walks out to her porch to ponder life's troubles.

Britt's Nonsense Battles Winner "Barefoot Contessa vs Moira Rose": Moira Rose

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About Brittney Bender

Lover of movies, TV, art, and the abstract in life! Horror is a main passion of mine, but I could say that for most media in my life. You'll find me writing recaps, reviews, TV news, "Top 5" content, and more.
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