Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, and I bring you an important question. Will Bobby Lashley transform into his Kaiju form on WWE Raw next Monday and destroy The Miz so hard FEMA needs to come in to clean up? According to Hurt Business founder MVP, yes. Lashley and MVP were interviewed by Sarah Schrieber following Lashley's match against Braun Strowman in the main event of WWE Raw this week, where MVP dropped the tease.
Asked whether he's confident he'll walk out with the WWE Championship next week, Lashley told Schrieber, "First of all, we made it official yesterday. So this is just a prelude to what's gonna happen next. We showed Miz, we showed Braun, we showed everybody else on this roster what LAshley's about, what the Burt Business about. It's already written. I'm gonna tear Miz apart."
But then MVP stepped in to say, "Let me ask you, would you ask Godzilla how confident he is? About whether or not he can destroy Tokyo? You can call the Defense Force, you can call whoever you want, but I think the best thing to do would be to call FEMA, because the only thing, the only thing that's gonna happen is absolute carnage. I reminded Bobby Lashley a long time ago what he was capable of and who he was. And now, he remembers. He's no longer withholding that beast inside of him. It's on display for the world to see, and Miz, Miz will feel the wrath, and Bobby Lashley will reclaim his position at the top of the food chain as WWE Champion."
Comrades, we used to have a lot of problems with Kaiju back when I was running a socialist dictatorship in South America. Oh yes, everyone thinks that Kaiju are just a Japanese problem, but we had them too. El Alpaca de Gigante Maldito was constantly trying to wreck my palace, comrades, and don't even get me started on La Carpincho Enojada. I once had to convince my protege, Maduro, to get into a cheap Gundam suit that Putin sold us to distract that blasted capybara and get it to chase him away from the palace before he ruined my 50th birthday party! Luckily, he was able to draw the monster into a nearby rainforest. Yes, 500,000 hectares of vital rainforest were irradiated in the ensuing battle which will probably come back to bite us in the ass with more Kaiju later, but I had a lovely time at the party. Haw haw haw haw! Alas, that is neither here more there, comrades. The point is that if MVP says that Bobby Lashley will transform into a Kaiju on WWE Raw next week, we need to take that seriously.
Until next time: socialism or death!