Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe hall of fame

Natural Disasters to Crush 2025 WWE Hall of Fame Class

Natural Disasters Earthquake and Typhoon's next Hall of Fame inductees! These 900-pound revolutionaries will join Triple H and others in WWE's 2025 class!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, El Presidente, reporting to you live from my solid gold jacuzzi where I am currently entertaining several representatives from the World Wrestling Entertainment corporation who thought they were coming for a diplomatic mission but are now participating in my weekly underwater wrestling exhibition! The things people will do for trade agreements, am I right?

Today I bring you earth-shattering news that has literally caused my palace to tremble – or perhaps that was just another failed CIA assassination attempt using their "earthquake machine." Speaking of earthquakes, the WWE has announced that The Natural Disasters – the magnificent team of Earthquake and Typhoon – will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2025!

My friends, when I heard this news, I was overcome with socialist joy! These two behemoths, who combined weighed nearly 900 pounds (or approximately the weight of three American capitalist politicians after a lobbyist dinner), are finally getting the recognition they deserve! I remember watching them demolish their opponents in the early 1990s while I was hiding from American forces in a bunker with my good friend Muammar Gaddafi. "El Presidente," he said to me, "these Natural Disasters remind me of our economic policies – they crush everything in their path!"

Earthquake, born John Tenta, was not just a wrestling superstar but also a legitimate sumo champion in Japan. This reminds me of the time I attempted sumo wrestling during a diplomatic visit to Tokyo. The Japanese officials were very polite, but they did ask me to put clothes back on and leave the imperial garden immediately. Cultural misunderstandings happen to the best of dictators, comrades!

Typhoon, also known as Fred Ottman, has an interesting connection to current WWE royalty – he is the uncle of none other than Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes! Yes, comrades, Typhoon married the sister of the American Dream Dusty Rhodes. This is what we call in socialist circles a "wrestling dynasty" – much like how my family has ruled our glorious nation for sixty-seven years through completely legitimate elections where I receive 103% of the vote!

The Natural Disasters captured the WWE Tag Team Championships during their run and faced legendary teams like Money Inc., The Legion of Doom, and The Nasty Boys. Their combined weight advantage made them nearly impossible to bodyslam, much like how the weight of American sanctions is impossible to lift without a good underground smuggling network! Not that I would know anything about that, comrades. That is merely theoretical!

They join an impressive 2025 Hall of Fame class that includes the cerebral assassin Triple H, the talented Michelle McCool, and the total package himself, Lex Luger. This may be the most impressive WWE Hall of Fame class since 2017, which reminds me of when I tried to create my own wrestling hall of fame in my palace basement. Unfortunately, all the inductees were political prisoners dressed in spandex, and the CIA infiltrated what I thought was a perfectly legitimate sporting event.

What made The Natural Disasters so special was not just their tremendous size but their surprising agility and wrestling skill. Earthquake's devastating Earthquake Splash finisher could flatten opponents like my secret police flatten dissidents! That is just a joke for my American readers, of course. Our re-education facilities are actually quite comfortable with only minimal flattening.

I once tried to recruit The Natural Disasters to be part of my personal security detail, offering them substantial payment in the form of our nation's currency, which I had personally printed that morning. Sadly, they declined, citing "international arrest warrants" and "common sense." Their loss! My current bodyguards, while enthusiastic, cannot perform a proper Earthquake Splash to save their lives, which ironically is exactly what I ask them to do.

Earthquake sadly passed away in 2006, which brought tears to my eyes similar to when I watched "Up" for the first time with Kim Jong-un during our weekly Disney movie night. The legacy of The Natural Disasters lives on, however, and their impact on professional wrestling cannot be overstated.

So raise your glasses, comrades! To Earthquake and Typhoon – two men who caused more destruction than my failed five-year economic plan! May their Hall of Fame induction in 2025 be as glorious as the worker's revolution!

This is El Presidente, signing off before the CIA tracking system pinpoints my jacuzzi's location. Remember, in wrestling as in politics, it's not the size of your territory that matters, but how many people you can squash with it! ¡Viva la lucha libre!

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