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NXT Report – New Tag Team Champs! Plus: Mia Yim's Last NXT Match?

All the other sports are postponed today in protest of police violence, but NXT carries on. They're probably hoping for a massive ratings boost with no competition. Let's get to the recap.

NXT Report for August 26th, 2020 Part 1

NXT starts with a recap of NXT Takeover XXX. I feel like I just saw it. I feel like I've been watching wrestling nonstop for a week. That's probably because I've been watching wrestling nonstop for a week. Friday, twice on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and now today. And tomorrow. And Friday. No break from wrestling until Saturday. I'm not sure this is healthy.

Karrion Kross comes out with Scarlett and his new NXT Championship. You know, this entrance isn't bad, but what would be cool is if they gave him a generic video game CAW theme and had him wear a skirt when he goes to the main roster. Kross says he told us so about the whole becoming champion thing. Blah blah blah everyone will suffer and blah blah blah Keith Lee. He talks about his separated shoulder. He likes the pain. Sexually. But he understands that there's no way NXT will let him defend the championship in the condition he's in. He says, "On the path, there are obstacles, but for me, the obstacle is the path." Deep. He lays the title down in the middle of the ring. "Let this be a warning: this changes absolutely nothing. Doomsday is still coming. Because no matter where the time is told, in the end, everybody pays the toll. And god help the obstacles that will be in my path. Tick tock."

Dude, Brock Lesnar sometimes didn't defend the title for months at a time. Come on.

Vic Joseph introduces Wade Barrett on comedy. Beth Phoenix is also there, but invisible. Breezango comes to the ring, as do Imperium. It's time for the first match of the night.

Breezango vs. Imperium – NXT Tag Team Championship Match

• The match barely gets going, and NXT takes a commercial break. I'll use the time to crank out a quick article about Kross relinquishing the title. Gotta feed the beast of the 24-hour wrestling news cycle.
• Tyler Breeze puts on a wrestling clinic with Marcel Bartel while the ref does his best (but not good enough)to stay out of the way.
• Breeze has weird circular marks all over his back. Was he abducted by aliens and experimented on over the weekend or something?
• Eventually, Breeze must realize he's got purple marks all over his body and tags in Fandango. Fandango gets beaten up by Fabian Aichner, and Breezango ends up laid out outside the ring as NXT goes to commercials again.
• Google tells me the circles are the result of something called "cupping." No, not "of the balls." Come on. Grow up.
• Here's what Wikipedia says about it: Cupping therapy is a form of alternative medicine in which a local suction is created on the skin with the application of heated cups. Its practice mainly occurs in Asia but also in Eastern Europe, the Middle East, and Latin America. Cupping has been characterized as a pseudoscience and its practice as quackery. Cupping practitioners attempt to use cupping therapy for a wide array of medical conditions including fevers, chronic low back pain, poor appetite, indigestion, high blood pressure, acne, atopic dermatitis, psoriasis, anemia, stroke rehabilitation, nasal congestion, infertility, and menstrual period cramping.
• So what do you think Breeze is trying to cure? Infertility? Is Tyler Breeze shooting blanks?
• Oh yeah, Imperium continues to beat the crap out of Breezango for a while.
• Until they make a comeback. Breeze gets a hot tag and hits a pair of superkicks on Imperium. Fandango hits a double legdrop off the top rope on both members. He pins Aichner, and Breezango wins the tag team championships.

Finally, Breezango are getting their due.  They dance sexily on the commentary table in celebration. Good for them.

McKenzie Mitchell wants to interview Damian Priest backstage, but he's too busy partying from winning the North American Championship. Timothy Thatcher calls Priest's behavior embarrassing for a champion. He would do a much better job. Priest points to his junk and says he's better equipped. Not sure if he's talking about his dick or the belt, or frankly whether there's really any difference. Wait is that what makes him the "Archer of Infamy?" Is it his "bow and arrow?" One day, I'll figure this out.

Triple H, William Regal, Shawn Michaels, and Prince Albert discuss what to do about this Karrion Kross situation in a conference room. I can imagine how that's going. "There's no choice-ah. We're gonna have to put the belt on me-ah. Am I f**king going over?" We see a graphic for Tommaso Ciampa, and NXT takes another commercial break.

Jake Atlas comes to the ring because someone has to job to Ciampa so he can get some heat back after how badly he was squashed at Great American Bash. Ciampa comes out wearing Starlord's helmet from Guardians of the Galaxy. I think he may have taken time off to get beard enhancement surgery.

Jake Atlas vs. Tommaso Ciampa

• Ciampa kicks the crap out of Jake Atlas.

So now who will Atlas have to beat to get his heat back? Apparently, Ciampa isn't done. He beats Atlas up at ringside after the match. Spoilsport referees make him stop, but not before he gets in a punt to the head and then catapults Atlas face-first into the metal frame under the ring. Atlas is loaded onto a stretcher, but Ciampa is concerned they may not have him well secured so he DDTs him off it. Then he leaves.

We see a video package of Candice LeRae talking about Tegan Nox. Nox offered an "olive branch" to LeRae last week. So LeRae talks about her friendship with Nox, but she feels they've grown apart. Nox is welcome to follow LeRae on her path, but if not, she should stay out of her way. NXT goes to commercials.

McKenzie interviews Bronson Reed. Reed thinks he's the one who should get a shot at the North American Championship, not Thatcher. Austin Theory interrupts him. He says Reed may be a champ one day, when he's 55. Reed slaps him.

So who thinks Theory should form a tag team with Velveteen Dream?

Mia Yim comes to the ring. She wants to fight Mercedez Martinez, but Robert Stone and Aliyah come out instead. STone says there's no way he's letting Martinez come to the ring tonight. Shotzi Blackheart drives out and runs Stone over with a tank. She'll fight Yim instead.

Mia Yim vs. Shotzi Blackheart

• Stone is carried away by referees.
• Blackheart does her Jeff Hardy impersonation.
• If Yim loses here, she's definitely being revealed as a member of Retribution this weekend, right?
• Blackheart stops in the middle of the match to give props to Yim as her friend. Yim punches her in the throat.
• Blackheart wins with a top rope senton.

That was a pretty good match. I look forward to Yim's Retribution debut at Smackdown or Payback. William Regal leaves his meeting backstage and heads to the ring to talk about the NXT Championship situation. NXT goes to commercials.

It's getting to be about that time — time to end this article and start up a new one for part two. I get paid by the article, not the word. [Editor's Note: I'm onto you, Jude Terror, I'm onto you.] Click down below.

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