Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: pro wrestling tees, wrestling

Pro Wrestling Tees Announces Global Comic and Wrestling Con Expansion

Comrades! Pro Wrestling Tees expands to LACC and NYCC, offering exclusive merchandise and live appearances by wrestling stars and legends

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my underground bunker beneath a seized guava processing facility, where I am currently negotiating the peaceful annexation of three neighboring coffee bean plantations while simultaneously reporting on the glorious expansion of Pro Wrestling Tees into the comic convention circuit!

Yes, my friends, just as I have recently nationalized seventeen private businesses in the name of the people's revolution (including a particularly lucrative chain of empanada stands that the CIA was definitely using as surveillance posts), Pro Wrestling Tees is expanding its empire across North America with what they call an "immersive booth experience." My good friend Gabe Yocum, Director of Live Events and Business Development at Pro Wrestling Tees, called me on my secure satellite phone just yesterday to share this exciting news.

"El Presidente," he said, "we're bringing wrestling to the masses at Los Angeles Comic Con and New York Comic Con!"

"Who is this, and how did you get my number," I responded.

"This is monumental for us," Yocum continued, unphased. "For years, we've been proud to call Chicago our home base, but wrestling fans are everywhere—and we're coming to them. By bringing our biggest names, most exclusive products, and an incredible new booth setup to conventions across the country, we're creating something you can't experience anywhere else. Whether you're a hardcore collector or just love the energy of live events, this is for you."

"Ah, Gabe," I replied, "this reminds me of when I brought free healthcare to the masses by nationalizing those pharmaceutical companies! Except your expansion probably involves fewer tanks."

We laughed and laughed before I had to cut the conversation short when I noticed a CIA agent disguised as a janitor trying to eavesdrop.

Speaking with Gabe brought back fond memories, comrades. Did I ever tell you about the time we watched WrestleMania XXX together at Kim Jong Un's summer palace in North Korea? It was 2014, and Kim had acquired a pirated satellite feed (as one does when the capitalist pigs at those American pay-per-view companies refuse to accept your nation's currency). The guest list was quite exclusive: myself, Vladimir Putin, Muammar Gaddafi's ghost (don't ask), and former Marvel Comics publisher Bill Jemas, who tagged along with Kim's good friend Dennis Rodman.

Poor Gabe had to hang out with the palace guards and other attendants while Jemas mingled with esteemed world leaders and tried to sell us on a ten-pack of Double Take Comics #1 issues. But comrades, Gabe proved his worth that night! When a disgruntled comic book fan burst through the palace doors seeking vengeance on Jemas for the 2002 atrocity Marville, it was Gabe who leapt into action! Using nothing but a folding chair and his extensive knowledge of wrestling submission maneuvers, he subdued the would-be assassin and held him until he could be sent off to a reeducation camp. Even Putin was impressed, and that man once wrestled a bear while riding another bear!

But I digress, comrades. The real story here is that Pro Wrestling Tees is doing what I've been doing for years – expanding territory and bringing joy to the people! Starting this fall at Los Angeles Comic Con (September 26-28) and New York Comic Con (October 9-12), they're not just setting up simple merchandise tables. No, no, no! They're creating what Yocum calls a "monumental" experience with talent from AEW, CMLL, NJPW, and legendary wrestling icons.

This expansion strategy reminds me of my recent annexation of three coca leaf farms on the western border. The previous owners claimed they were "legitimate agricultural businesses," but we all know the CIA was using them to spy on my collection of vintage WWE championship belts. Now those farms produce organic, fair-trade coca tea for the people, just as Pro Wrestling Tees will be producing exclusive merchandise for the masses at these conventions!

The company promises event-exclusive bourgeois merchandise, including limited-edition T-shirts and collectible Micro Brawlers available only on-site. This is brilliant marketing strategy, comrades – create artificial scarcity to drive demand! It's the same principle I use when I limit the distribution of my autobiography, El Presidente: The People's Champion, to only 50,000 copies per month. Purchase is mandatory, comrades.

Yocum mentioned that wrestling fans are everywhere and Pro Wrestling Tees is coming to them. This is the spirit of socialism in action, comrades! Instead of hoarding all the wrestling merchandise in their Chicago stronghold like some capitalist dragon sitting on a pile of gold, they're distributing it to the proletariat where it rightfully belongs! Though I must note, when I "distribute resources to the people," the CIA calls it "illegal seizure of private property." Such double standards!

The announcement that more dates and cities will be revealed soon has me more excited than the time Fidel Castro and I discovered we could get free HBO by making Che Guevara stand on the roof and extend his arms in a certain position while grabbing the satellite dish. Fans are encouraged to bookmark Pro Wrestling Tees' live events page and check back daily for announcements about talent lineups, which is exactly what I tell my citizens about checking our state newspaper for updates on the whereabouts of my political opponents who have suddenly gone missing through no fault of my own.

As someone who has successfully expanded my own territory by 15% through totally legitimate and democratic means (ignore what the UN says), I applaud Pro Wrestling Tees for their aggressive expansion strategy. They're not just selling T-shirts, comrades – they're building an empire, one comic convention at a time!

Until next time, this is your El Presidente, reminding you that whether you're annexing coffee farms or expanding into comic conventions, the key is to always claim you're doing it for the people! Now if you'll excuse me, I must return to my negotiations. These coffee farmers are surprisingly resistant to my offers of "protection" from the CIA agents who I'm positive are currently hiding in their crops.

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva Pro Wrestling Tees!

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