Street Profits vs. Viking Raiders: WWE Backlash Live Results

We're just one match away from "The Greatest Wrestling Match Ever"! Wouldn't it be something if the Street Profits and Viking Raiders stole the show and put on the greatest match ever instead? Hahaha, just kidding. It's the penultimate match of WWE Backlash, and we all need a break after that hoss-fest we just witnessed between Bobby Lashley and Drew McIntyre.

Street Profits vs. Viking Raiders for the Raw Tag Team Championships at WWE Backlash

Before the match, the Street Profits and Viking Raiders start a brawl in the parking lot. Eric ends up being tossed into Braun Strowman's car, smashing the windshield with his head. The profits realize what happened and make a run for it, and the Raiders follow, as Strowman's car alarm goes off in the background. We cut to inside where they're battling in the backstage area. This is a surprise cinematic match, with music and all.

Street Profits vs. Viking Raiders: WWE Backlash Live Results (WWE)
Street Profits vs. Viking Raiders: WWE Backlash Live Results (WWE)

The Profits find some golf clubs backstage, but the Raiders find Viking shields, a throwing ax, and a bowling ball, calling back to their various athletic contests. The Raiders chase the profits down a tent hallway. Is this where the performance center crowd is forced to eat during their twelve-hour taping sessions so they don't mingle with the real talent in catering?

The profits convince the Raiders that they should all put their weapons down. Montez Ford steals a fifteen-year-old Chappelle Show joke and asks what the five fingers said to the face. The Profits beat down the Raiders, and Ivar picks up a bowling bowl. We cut to a flashback of the bowling contest. Back in the present, Ivar rolls the ball down the hallway and straight into Ford's nuts.

Ivar heads around to the entrance of the building and finds Eric laid out on the ground. Angelo Dawkins tackles Ivar through a glass door and into the building. As both men sell on the floor, we get a flashback to the golf contest. All four men are in the entryway now and stumble outside the building. They lament the match escalating so quickly and Ivar says they should take this outside. Dawkins points out they are outside. They stumble to another part of the parking lot when a motorcycle gang pulls up on crotch rockets and starts revving their engines for some reason.

Street Profits vs. Viking Raiders: WWE Backlash Live Results (WWE)
Street Profits vs. Viking Raiders: WWE Backlash Live Results (WWE)

One biker gets off his bike and removes his helmet. It's Akira Tozawa, and he has a bunch of ninjas with him. He says "Anything you do we can do better" in Japanese. The Raiders and Profits huddle. They need to do this together. Armed with props like turkey legs, solo cups, shields, and golf clubs, the four men declare they want the smoke.

Tozawa orders the ninjas to attack. Shenanigans ensue. Braun Strowman's car gets smashed some more. Another very large ninja arrives on the scene. Ivar force-grabs his turkey leg, takes a bite, and prepares to face off against the giant ninja, but when the ninja draws a sword, the two teams retreat to the top of a production truck. Ivar lagged behind, out of breath.

The Finish? Maybe?

Afterward, the Street Profits lecture Ivar on eating too many turkey legs. Eric does the Dave Chappelle joke now and they brawl again. Dawkins grabs Eric and does a bulldog off the truck into a dumpster full of padding. Ivar pushes Ford into it too and then jumps in himself. WWE used sound effects to make it sound like they broke wood and stuff.

Now more flashbacks to all the people from the skits over the past few weeks finding Ivar cute and Eric not so much. Referee Jessika Heiser wakes them up and tells them their match is next. She calls Ivar cute, Eric not so much. Something is growling in the dumpster. The teams are attacked by tentacles, and we cut to a commercial for t-shirts. After the commercials, the announcers tell us the match isn't happening tonight.

Street Profits vs. Viking Raiders: WWE Backlash Live Results (WWE)
Street Profits vs. Viking Raiders: WWE Backlash Live Results (WWE)

I'm honestly not sure what to think of this. It was funny in parts. It was really cheesy, though it was meant to be. It felt like something that belonged in the early nineties. I was back and forth between enjoying parts and finding it absolutely stupid. I ended up on absolutely stupid. This was far beyond the Firefly Funhouse match into complete silliness and I don't think it worked. WWE is overdoing it with the cinematic matches and this one lacked the charm of stuff like the Firefly Funhouse match or the Stadium Stampede in AEW. It also interrupted the flow between a pretty great match between Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley and what is supposed to be "The Greatest Wrestling Match Ever." This was a swing and a miss at WWE Backlash tonight, and that's too bad.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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