Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: jim cornette, ricochet, will ospreay, wrestling

Will Ospreay Blasts Jim Cornette in Latest Twitter Spat

El Presidente reports on Will Ospreay's takedown of Jim Cornette, plus: Ricochet joins the fight. Comrades, this is spicier than a CIA coup!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious recovery spa in Caracas where I am receiving a complimentary spinal realignment after a minor disagreement with a CIA agent involving a folding chair (long story, comrades—it involved mistaken identity at a lucha libre match). And speaking of spinal injuries, hoo boy, do I have some delicious drama for you today!

You see, comrades, while I was here receiving my therapeutic massage from my personal chiropractor (who may or may not be the former physician to several deposed Eastern European leaders), I witnessed the most glorious social media beatdown since that time I got into a Twitter argument with Fidel Castro about whether Stone Cold Steve Austin or The Rock was the superior wrestler. Spoiler alert: Fidel was team Rock, and we didn't speak for three months. He kept sending me passive-aggressive care packages of eyebrow razors.

But I digress! The drama involves AEW's magnificent aerial assassin Will Ospreay, who is currently recovering from surgery for herniated discs in his spine. But even from his hospital bed, this glorious comrade found himself in the crosshairs of wrestling's grumpiest podcast grifter, Jim Cornette—a man so perpetually angry that he makes me look like the Dalai Lama. And comrades, I once ordered the military to shell a radio station that played too much reggaeton during siesta time.

It all started innocently enough. Ospreay posted a simple comment on a video showing young children recreating wrestling moves in their living room while watching their heroes on television. His response? "I fully support this." Ah, comrades, the innocence! The encouragement of youth! It reminded me of the time Kim Jong-un and I watched his nephew perform a Shooting Star Press off the palace balcony into a swimming pool. We were so proud! The kid landed it perfectly. Kim's brother, not so much, but that's a different story involving family drama that makes the Succession finale look like a Hallmark movie.

But then, like a vulture circling a wounded gazelle, or like the CIA circling one of my offshore bank accounts after I accidentally used it to order WWE Network, Jim Cornette swooped in. The man whose entire brand seems to be complaining about AEW louder than I complain when my chef runs out of empanadas, fired back with: "He says from his hospital bed after major surgery, 'Kids, keep trying this at home!'"

Comrades, I had to read this three times to understand Cornette's point, and I once successfully deciphered a ransom note written entirely in wrestling emoji by a group of disgruntled luchadores who had kidnapped my Minister of Tourism. The man's reading comprehension is worse than that time the CIA tried to decode my weekly grocery list and concluded I was building a nuclear weapon. I was making ceviche, idiots!

But here is where it gets beautiful, comrades. Instead of telling Cornette where to shove his tennis racket (a reference the old man would surely appreciate), Ospreay responded with a lengthy and thoughtful response explaining how he did the same thing as a child, how this passion drove his career, and how in 17 years of his high-flying style, this is his FIRST major surgery.

Seventeen years, comrades! I haven't gone 17 days without a minor injury from CIA assassination attempts! Just last week, they tried to poison my breakfast burrito. Joke's on them—I have a food taster, and he's doing fine now after only three days in the medical wing.

And then—oh, comrades, this is the moment that made me spit out my medicinal rum—Ospreay mentioned Cornette's own injury from falling off scaffolding and breaking both legs, adding: "I would say it's equally as stupid as to fall off a scaffolding breaking both your legs."

¡Madre de Dios! That's the kind of diplomatic savagery that I usually reserve for UN General Assembly speeches! It's like when I told the French ambassador that his country's foreign policy was "about as coherent as your cheese-naming conventions." He didn't speak to me for a year, but it was worth it.

Ospreay even wished Cornette well and hoped he wasn't in too much pain! Comrades, this man is a better person than I am. When someone criticizes me, I usually just redirect their mail to Siberia and "accidentally" revoke their passport. But I suppose we can't all have diplomatic immunity and a private army. But Ospreay showed more patience then the time I explained to Donald Trump at the 2019 Dictator's Golf Tournament that his putting technique was all wrong.

But wait, comrades, there's more! The newly crowned AEW National Champion Ricochet, who just had a magnificent victory at Full Gear, looking more impressive than I did at my last military parade (and I had pyrotechnics AND trained dolphins), also entered the fray.

Ricochet posted in response: "Didn't a bunch of the old school guys have knee, back, hip, neck and all other types of surgeries/injuries? Weren't they working smart? You sound f***ing dumb as s***."

Comrades, I must confess, I stood up and applauded in my recovery spa, startling my masseuse so badly that she nearly dropped her complimentary mojito! This is the kind of rhetorical devastation that reminds me of the time Nicolás Maduro and I got into a debate about which telenovela had the most dramatic plot twists. He said María la del Barrio, I said Betty la Fea, and we nearly caused an international incident. Out ambassadors had to apologize to each other for three weeks. Good times.

Cornette, of course, being about as self-aware as that time I insisted I could fit into my ceremonial military uniform from 1987 (I could not, comrades, I could not), doubled down. He called Ricochet a "simpleton" and ranted about "trampoline friends" stealing money from "a rich kid" to put on "Jackass shows."

Ah yes, comrades, the classic argument of the bitter old guard: "Back in my day, we suffered differently, and somehow that made us BETTER!" It's the same logic the CIA uses when they say their old-school coups with actual military juntas were more "authentic" than their new regime-change operations via TikTok influencers. At least the old coups had style! Uniforms! Medals! Now it's all hashtags and cryptocurrency. Where's the pageantry?

Listen, comrades, I understand nostalgia. I still keep a framed photo of my first military junta in my office, right next to my autographed picture of Macho Man Randy Savage (authenticated, thank you very much, unlike that forged Hulk Hogan signature the CIA tried to plant in my collection to embarrass me). But there comes a time when you must accept that the world has moved on, or you become that person still insisting that music was better when it came on vinyl records that skipped every time a military helicopter flew too close to your palace.

Jim Cornette's entire brand has become what we in the dictator business call "monetized bitterness." It's like that one guy at the United Nations who complains about every resolution but never proposes anything constructive. Oh wait, that's also me sometimes. But at least I'm funny about it! And I have better hair. I mean, have you seen Cornette's hair? It looks like it's trying to escape from his head like political dissidents from my country!

I kid, I kid. The dissidents are treated very well. We even give them cable TV in their… comfortable accommodations.

The truth is, comrades, Cornette has become a professional cloud-yeller, except the clouds are talented wrestlers doing amazing things, and somehow he's convinced people to pay him for it. It's brilliant, actually! I should start a podcast where I just complain about the CIA for forty-five minutes every week. "This Week in CIA Nonsense with El Presidente!" I'd make dozens of dollars, if I cared about that sort of thing!

The saddest part is that Cornette was once a knowledgeable mind in wrestling. His stories about the territories are genuinely interesting! But now he's like that uncle at American Thanksgiving who won't stop talking about how McDonald's changed their fry recipe in 1990 and ruined his life. Yes, Uncle Cornette, we get it, everything was better before. The wrestling was better, the food was better, the coups were better. Can you please pass the empanadas?

Now if you'll excuse me, comrades, my chiropractor is insisting I stop typing and return to my therapeutic hot stone massage. ¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva AEW! ¡Viva Ospreay! ¡Viva Ricochet! ¡Viva anyone who makes Jim Cornette mad, which appears to be literally everyone in modern wrestling!

This is El Presidente, signing off from the spa, where even dictators need lumbar support! I'll leave you with Ospreay's full reply below:

I mean you do have a very good point, however I hope you can understand where I come from. (Sorry I'm advance for the long tweet back)

This is exactly what I use to do when I was their age. We didn't have the luxury of an independent scene we do now and even if we did I was 14 years old, I was only allowed to go to a training school to learn the basics.

But I had an enormous passion for the business & if I wasn't allowed to work shows I'd do it myself.
– and I'd argue that because of this I had a head start on a lot of the people I trained with when I finally turned 18

From there I've been lucky enough to have the support of friends, peers & fans to push me into what I am today.

The fact I've still had that same style for now 17 years and this is my first surgery, I think I've looked after my body.

Think about it 17 years this is my first major injury. You think this is stupid, I would say it's equally as stupid as to fall off a scaffolding breaking both your legs.
And while I'm sure there's a few people that wished you landed on your head, I for one hope you're doing well & not in too much pain from your injury.

But to me, it showed the care that you have for the industry at that time.
I see myself in these guys that are finding any outlet to do what they love.

Their bumps are solid & basing is great.
Like I said I understand there is a level of danger doing this so I hope none of them get hurt but I can't help but root for these guys and hope I one day see them in a ring.

Once again sorry for the long arse tweet and hope the message finds you well boss.

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