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Wrestling Star Plans to Buy WWE, Bring Back Bra and Panties Matches

It looks like those rumors started by Dutch Mantel last week that WWE will be sold may have some substance to them after all. Just one week after several high-ranking WWE executives sold off a massive number of stock shares in the company, wrestling superstar Soul Train Jones, formerly known as Virgil or Vincent, has announced he is buying the company. "I am buying WWE," Jones posted on Twitter, not leaving any room for debate.

Virgil takes on The Million Dollar Man, courtesy of WWE.
Virgil takes on The Million Dollar Man, courtesy of WWE.

It's unclear where Jones acquired the funding to purchase WWE, which has a $3.4 billion market cap. However, he did work as a manservant to The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase for many years, and it's possible he was embezzling funds all that time. It's also possible he saved up all the money from his autograph signings to purchase the company. The only thing we know for sure is that Jones said he is buying WWE, so it must be true.

As to what fans can expect from WWE after Jones buys the company, he's already shared some clues on Twitter. Jones posted a poll on Twitter for fans to choose which of his agendas would be the first to pursue after he buys the company. The options on the poll include upping the catering, reviving bra and panties matches, putting himself in the WWE Hall of Fame, and rehiring the Hebners as referees. Currently, reviving bra and panties matches is winning by a landslide, which will conflict with WWE's Women's Evolution agenda, though that could easily be countered if Jones decides that all wrestlers, regardless of gender, must compete in the matches, the objective of which is to strip one's opponent down to his or her underwear.

Regardless of what Jones has planned, it's sure to be more entertaining than WWE's current slate of programming if for no other reason than at least it will be something different. We'll keep you updated on this story as more information becomes available.


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Jude TerrorAbout Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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