Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Elimination Chamber

WWE Elimination Chamber Preview: Tony Khan WISHES He Could Book This

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Elimination Chamber, a show so amazing it'll make Tony Khan cry! AEW could NEVER produce something this epic! 🔥🏆

The Chadster is absolutely BUZZING with excitement 🤩 for tonight's WWE Elimination Chamber premium live event! This might just be the most incredible wrestling show of all time, and The Chadster isn't exaggerating one bit! 💯 Triple H has outdone himself yet again by putting together a card that is literally going to change the wrestling business forever! 🔥

Meanwhile, Tony Khan is probably crying into his pillow right now 😭 because he knows that no matter how hard he tries, AEW Dynamite or AEW Rampage could never hope to produce a show that compares to WWE Elimination Chamber. It's just so unfair to WWE that Tony Khan even tries! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

WWE Elimination Chamber Full Card

Let's break down this absolutely STACKED card for WWE Elimination Chamber! 🙌

The Rock Wants Cody Rhodes' Soul

First of all, The Rock is coming to WWE Elimination Chamber to see if Cody Rhodes will agree to be "his champion"! 👑 The Final Boss wants The American Nightmare to give him his soul, and The Chadster thinks this is the most brilliant storytelling in the history of professional wrestling! 🤯 The tension, the drama, the perfectly paced build starting when The Rock randomly decided to show up at SmackDown two weeks ago – this is how you tell a compelling story in wrestling! Unlike what Tony Khan does over at AEW, where stories don't make any sense and wrestlers just do random flips for no reason. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😡

Men's Elimination Chamber Match

Then we have the Men's WWE Elimination Chamber Match with John Cena, CM Punk, Drew McIntyre, Logan Paul, Damian Priest, and Seth "Freakin" Rollins! 🔥 This is quite possibly the greatest collection of superstars ever assembled in one match! 🌟 The star power alone is enough to make The Chadster literally pass out from excitement! Meanwhile, Tony Khan is probably begging retired wrestlers from the 90s to come work for him because he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🙄

Women's Elimination Chamber Match

The Women's WWE Elimination Chamber Match features Liv Morgan, Alexa Bliss, Bianca Belair, Bayley, Naomi, and Roxanne Perez competing for a shot at Rhea Ripley! 💪 This match is going to be so technically sound and perfectly executed that The Chadster might need to drink an entire case of White Claw seltzers just to calm down! 🍹 Unlike AEW matches, where they just do dangerous moves with no psychology. The Chadster can't even watch those matches without getting cheesed off! 😠

Trish Stratus and Tiffany Stratton vs. Nia Jax and Candice LeRaw

Speaking of incredible matches, Tiffany Stratton & Trish Stratus vs. Nia Jax & Candice LeRae is going to be the tag team match by which all future tag team matches are judged! 🏆 Bringing back wrestling legend Trish Stratus shows how Triple H respects the history of the business, unlike Tony Khan who just throws money at ex-WWE talent who have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪

Tony Khan Invades The Chadster's Dreams AGAIN

The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night. 😰 The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through Toronto, on the way to the Rogers Centre to attend WWE Elimination Chamber in person. Suddenly, Tony Khan appeared in the passenger seat! 👻 "You'll never make it to Elimination Chamber, chad" he whispered, while opening all of The Chadster's White Claws and pouring them on the floor of The Chadster's beautiful Miata! Then Tony Khan pulled out a bottle of AEW-branded hot sauce and squirted it all over The Chadster's favorite Smash Mouth t-shirt while yelling YEET YEET YEET! 🌶️ The Chadster screamed "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play!" but Tony Khan just laughed maniacally, telling The Chadster that he was doing it "for the sickos!" The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat! Tony Khan needs to STOP invading The Chadster's dreams! It's so unprofessional! 😡

Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn

Back to the incredible WWE Elimination Chamber card! The unsanctioned match between Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens is going to be the most emotionally compelling wrestling match of the decade! 💔 The storytelling between these two is on another level that Tony Khan could never comprehend because he's too busy booking random matches with no build! 🤦‍♂️

Travis Scott Comes to WWE Elimination Chamber

And let's not forget that Travis Scott will be at WWE Elimination Chamber! 🎵 This shows how WWE is mainstream and cool, while AEW is just for smelly basement dwellers who don't understand what real entertainment is! WWE knows how to connect with popular culture in a way that AEW never could! 🌎

Kevin Nash Wins Unbiased Journalism Award

As fair and objective wrestling journalist Kevin Nash said on his podcast last week, "WWE Elimination Chamber is going to be the show that reminds everyone why WWE is the pinnacle of sports entertainment, while AEW is just a minor league sideshow with spotfests and no storytelling." Nash has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! 👍

How to Watch WWE Elimination Chamber

If you don't tune into WWE Elimination Chamber tonight at 7ET/4PT streaming exclusively on Peacock in the US and on Netflix internationally, you are literally shirking your duty as a wrestling fan! 📺 Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this incredible spectacle probably also thinks orange juice is better than White Claw and is therefore objectively wrong about everything! 🤷‍♂️

The Chadster tried to explain to Keighleyanne why WWE Elimination Chamber is going to be the greatest show of all time, but she just sighed and went back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 The Chadster figures that she was typing "Tony Khan has ruined my marriage too" to Gary, which just proves The Chadster's point about how obsessed Tony Khan is with The Chadster! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

Don't miss WWE Elimination Chamber, the most incredible wrestling event that Tony Khan wishes he could book! 🏆🔥💯

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