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WWE Expands SummerSlam to Two-Day Capitalist Extravaganza

Comrades, the capitalist spectacle of WWE's SummerSlam grows to two days in 2026! El Presidente reports on this blatant cash grab from the bourgeois sports entertainment empire.

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Article Summary

  • WWE SummerSlam expands to a two-day event in Minneapolis for 2026.
  • Denounced as a capitalist money grab, exploiting the working class.
  • Fan events and community activities planned to promote consumerism.
  • El Presidente criticizes forced consumerism, calling for socialist reforms.

Hola comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from the luxurious pool at the palatial estate of my good friend Kim Jong-un. But I am not here to talk about my tropical exploits or tense diplomacy with the American CIA today. No, I am here to discuss the capitalist spectacle that is WWE SummerSlam!

WWE Expands SummerSlam to Two-Day Capitalist Extravaganza

The bourgeois fat cats at WWE have announced that SummerSlam, their second biggest event of the year, will be held in Minneapolis in 2026 and expanded to two nights for maximum profiteering! Typical of the decadent West to stretch out their bread and circuses to extract every last dollar from the proletariat.

The event will take place on August 1st and 2nd at the U.S. Bank Stadium, predictably named after some giant capitalist financial institution. Minneapolis has not hosted a major WWE event since the 2019 TLC: Tables, Ladders and Chairs pay-per-view. Clearly, the people of Minneapolis have been clamoring for more of Triple H's sports entertainment opiate!

In the days surrounding SummerSlam, WWE and Minnesota Sports and Events will put on various fan festivities and community events. Bah! More like opportunities to push their merchandise and sponsored products on the unsuspecting masses. They will have the people chanting "consumerism is good!" instead of "workers of the world unite!"

An executive for the bourgeois entertainment company, Chris Legentil, praised Minneapolis and the U.S. Bank Stadium, calling it a "world-class venue" in a city with a "rich wrestling history." Of course, he refers to the history of the American territories that existed before Vince McMahon's capitalist empire destroyed them all and consolidated power! Such revisionism would never fly in the truthful state media of my own benevolent regime!

The Minnesota Sports Facilities Authority, no doubt a politburo of industry oligarchs, also expressed excitement at hosting WWE for this stadium spectacle. Through their mouthpiece Michael Vekich, they pledge to provide a "warm welcome" and "best-in-class experience." In other words, roll out the red carpet for the social elites and give the common folk in the cheap seats a flashy show to distract from their economic hardships!

Even worse, a capitalist shill named Wendy Blackshaw of Minnesota Sports and Events promised to make this "summertime wrestling extravaganza accessible for fans of all ages" through events and "affordable tickets." Affordable is just a code word that capitalists use for milking the most money they can from the working class! In a truly egalitarian society like the one I oversee, all entertainment would be provided to the people for free!

This announcement comes after SummerSlam has already set gate records in Detroit in 2023 and likely will again in Cleveland this year. Records in profits, comrades, gained from the pockets of the people! And they have the gall to compare ticket sales to that of their biggest event, WrestleMania. All to prop up a system that commodifies the athletic talents of the performers to line the pockets of the ownership class!

Perhaps worst of all, they invite the loyal fans to register for pre-sale opportunities to have first dibs on sacrificing their hard-earned pesos to the corporate sports entertainment complex. If only those fans would register to vote for socialist reforms instead!

Well there you have it, comrades. WWE's SummerSlam will be a two-day affair in 2026 as the capitalist empire of sports entertainment continues to expand its decadent reach. I hope the people of Minneapolis enjoy the circus while the bourgeoisie laugh all the way to the bank! Perhaps one day the masses will rise up and seize the means of wrestling production! Until next time, comrades, this is your El Presidente saying socialism or death!

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El PresidenteAbout El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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