Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: All the Action Tony Khan Doesn't Want You to See

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw, a show so amazing it'll make Tony Khan cry! 😭 Tune in for epic matches and shocking returns that put AEW to shame! 🔥🚀

Before The Chadster gets into tonight's WWE Raw preview, he has to take a moment to apologize. The Chadster is so sorry to all the readers of Bleeding Cool 😔😔😔 The Chadster's no-good brother, The Bradster, has once again stabbed Triple H right in the back by posting an extremely biased review of AEW Collision at Galaxy Con. Can you believe The Bradster actually traveled out-of-state just to attend an AEW event? 🙄🙄🙄 That's how corrupt and biased he is. The Chadster promises that Bleeding Cool will do better in the future and provide only the most objective, unbiased coverage of professional wrestling. 🙏🙏🙏

Now, let's talk about something actually worth discussing: tonight's episode of WWE Raw! 🎉🎉🎉 The Chadster is here to tell you why this might just be the most incredible wrestling show of all time. Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to this, and if you think AEW Dynamite or AEW Collision is more fun to watch than WWE Raw, you literally don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 😤😤😤

First up on WWE Raw, we have Rhea Ripley battling Raquel Rodriguez. 💪💪💪 Last week, Rodriguez had the audacity to hurl Mami's eye into the corner of the WWE Raw announce table. Now, Ripley is out for revenge, and The Chadster can't wait to see these two powerful Superstars go to war. This is the kind of hard-hitting action that Tony Khan wishes he could book, but he's too busy trying to cheese off The Chadster. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

Next, we have a Women's Intercontinental Title Tournament First-Round Triple Threat Match featuring Lyra Valkyria, Zelina Vega, and Ivy Nile. 👑👑👑 This historic tournament to crown the first-ever Women's Intercontinental Champion is exactly the kind of groundbreaking programming that sets WWE Raw apart from the competition. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that AEW doesn't have a similar tournament. 🙄🙄🙄

But that's not all! Drew McIntyre is officially back on Raw! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 After his grueling Hell in a Cell Match loss to CM Punk, McIntyre made a shocking appearance last week, attacking Sami Zayn. The Chadster can't wait to see what McIntyre does next. This is the kind of star power that AEW can only dream of having.

Speaking of star power, we'll also hear from Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods after they turned their backs on Big E. 😱😱😱 The future of The New Day is in flux, and The Chadster is on the edge of his seat wondering what's next for this iconic trio. You won't see this level of storytelling and character development on AEW Dynamite, that's for sure.

In an epic Eight-Man Tag Team Match, The Final Testament and The Miz will take on The Wyatt Sicks. 👻👻👻 This unholy war is sure to be a spectacle that only WWE Raw can deliver. Tony Khan probably doesn't even know how to book a proper eight-man tag match.

Last but not least, Seth "Freakin" Rollins will appear after calling out CM Punk last week. 🔥🔥🔥 The confrontation between these two led to a major melee that had to be broken up by Sami Zayn and Jey Uso. The Chadster can't wait to see what's next for The Visionary. This is the kind of star-studded drama that makes WWE Raw must-see TV.

The Chadster has to say, this lineup for WWE Raw is so amazing that it's literally making The Chadster's head spin. 🌀🌀🌀 In fact, last night, The Chadster had another one of his recurring nightmares about Tony Khan. The Chadster dreamt he was at a White Claw factory, surrounded by delicious seltzer, when suddenly Tony Khan appeared, cackling maniacally. He started throwing cans of some inferior AEW-branded seltzer at The Chadster, ruining all the White Claw. The Chadster tried to escape in his Mazda Miata, but Tony Khan had filled the car with AEW action figures! 😱😱😱 The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and invading his dreams!

In conclusion, if you don't tune into WWE Raw tonight, you're shirking your duty as a true wrestling fan. 📺📺📺 This show is going to be a masterpiece of sports entertainment, and anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. As the great Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, 83 Weeks, "WWE Raw is the pinnacle of wrestling excellence, and anyone who disagrees is probably on Tony Khan's payroll." It's also like Bully Ray wisely said on a recent episode of Busted Open Radio, "If you're not watching Raw, you're not really a wrestling fan. You're just a mark for flippy moves and unnecessary blood." These wrestling experts have the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, and they're absolutely right. 💯💯💯

So grab your White Claw, fire up USA Network, and get ready for the greatest night in television history with WWE Raw! 🍻🍻🍻 And remember, every time you choose WWE Raw over AEW, you're making The Chadster's Mazda Miata run a little smoother. It's what Smash Mouth would want you to do!

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!