Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: bret hart, wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: Bret Hart Returns as Tony Khan Cries

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw, featuring Bret Hart's return and epic matches! Tony Khan, prepare to weep at real wrestling! 🏆😭

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed the heck up right now, because The Chadster knows that tonight's episode of WWE Raw is going to be so amazing that it's literally going to make Tony Khan cry! 😭😭😭 That's right, Tony! The Chadster said it! You're going to be sobbing into your little AEW booking notebook after you see what a real wrestling show looks like! 📓🚫

First of all, let's talk about the absolute legend that is Bret "The Hitman" Hart returning to WWE Raw tonight in Calgary. 🇨🇦🎉 Now this is how a true wrestling icon behaves, folks! Bret knows that WWE is the pinnacle of professional wrestling, and he's coming back to put over the current WWE Superstars like a real legend should. Unlike some other so-called "legends" who shall remain nameless (cough, Sting, cough) who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW. The Chadster bets Tony Khan is shaking in his boots right now, knowing that the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be is going to be on WWE Raw tonight! 😤💪

You know, Bret "The Hitman" Hart may have had his issues with WWE in the past, especially after the Montreal Screwjob. 😤📜 Auughh man! So unfair that Bret held a grudge for so long against WWE for something they definitely didn't mean to do, like kill his brother, Owen. ✝️ But, Bret has now come to his senses and recognizes where his bread is truly buttered. 🍞🧈 Unlike Owen Hart, who even posthumously endorses AEW with those Owen Cup tournaments, showing no respect for the wrestling business. 😡 Talk about a slap in the face to WWE! 👋😠

But that's just the beginning of what's sure to be the most incredible wrestling show of all time! The Chadster can hardly contain his excitement for the Fatal Four-Way Intercontinental Title No. 1 Contender's match featuring Jey Uso, Braun Strowman, Ilja Dragunov, and Pete Dunne. 🏆🔥 This match is going to be so amazing that it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that Tony Khan even tries to compete!

And let's not forget about the WWE Women's Tag Team Title match between Bianca Belair & Jade Cargill and The Unholy Union! 👯‍♀️🏅 The Chadster is sure this match will put anything AEW has ever done to shame. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks he can match the star power of Belair and Cargill!

Ooh, and The Chadster is getting goosebumps just thinking about the Eight-Person Mixed Tag Team Street Fight between The Wyatt Sicks and American Made! 👻👊 This is the kind of creative, exciting matchup that only WWE can produce. AEW could never come up with something this innovative!

But wait, there's more! Drew McIntyre is going to respond to his actions against CM Punk last week. 🗣️💥 The Chadster bets Tony Khan is wishing he had storytelling this compelling in AEW. Auughh man! So unfair that WWE is just so much better at everything!

And we can't forget about Zelina Vega and Lyra Valkyria enlisting a surprise Superstar to battle the Pure Fusion Collective! 🎭🤼‍♀️ The suspense is killing The Chadster! This is the kind of excitement that AEW wishes it could generate!

Finally, we've got "Dirty" Dominik Mysterio taking on Dragon Lee in what's sure to be a nail-biter! 💅🐉 The Chadster can already tell this match is going to be a technical masterpiece that will make anything in AEW look like amateur hour!

The Chadster is telling you, if you don't tune into WWE Raw tonight, you're literally shirking your duty as a wrestling fan! 📺🙅‍♂️ Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. The Chadster promises that after tonight's WWE Raw, no one will even remember what happened at AEW All Out last weekend! 🤯💯

Speaking of AEW All Out, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night. 😰😱 The Chadster was walking through a grocery store, minding The Chadster's own business and picking up some White Claw seltzers, when suddenly Tony Khan appeared at the end of every aisle! He was grinning maniacally and juggling AEW action figures. The Chadster tried to escape, but no matter which way The Chadster turned, there was Tony Khan, getting closer and closer. Just as Tony was about to force-feed The Chadster an AEW trading card, The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. 😓 Tony Khan, stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's so unprofessional!

Anyway, The Chadster can't wait for tonight's WWE Raw. It's going to be a show for the ages, and The Chadster will be watching all three glorious hours before taking a ride in The Chadster's Mazda Miata while blasting Smash Mouth, as is tradition. 🚗🎵 That's right, The Chadster's beloved automobile is back in perfect condition after Tony Khan literally forced The Chadster to light it on fire after watching the AEW All In PPV last month. The Chadster will definitely be sending Tony Khan the repair bill. 💰

The Chadster just knows that after tonight's WWE Raw, Tony Khan will finally realize that he can never compete with WWE and give up this silly obsession with The Chadster once and for all! 🙏💼

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!