Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: Don't Miss Raw at Special 2PM Eastern Start Time

The Chadster previews today's WWE Raw from Germany at 2PM ET! AJ Styles vs Gunther, CM Punk, new tag champs, and more! Tony Khan tried to ruin it! 🦝📺

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😡💢 The Chadster almost missed the most incredible episode of WWE Raw in television history today, and it's all Tony Khan's fault! 🤬👿 The Chadster set an alarm last night in the abandoned Blockbuster to make sure The Chadster woke up bright and early for WWE Raw's special 2 p.m. Eastern/11 a.m. Pacific start time, because The Chadster has been sleeping later and later as he acclimates to the sleep schedule of his new raccoon family, who identify as nocturnal. But when The Chadster's eyes finally opened around noon, The Chadster realized the alarm had been turned off! 😱😰

The Chadster knows exactly what happened. 🕵️‍♂️🔍 Tony Khan must have snuck into the Blockbuster while The Chadster and the raccoon family were sleeping and hit the snooze button repeatedly until the alarm gave up entirely, probably while watching The Chadster sleep like some kind of creep! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡🤬😾 Fortunately, Vincent K. Raccoon- bless his tiny raccoon heart – tugged on The Chadster's tattered clothes with his little paws to wake The Chadster up just in time! 🦝❤️😊 Vincent K. Raccoon and his whole family – Linda Raccoon, Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon – are such great raccoons and true WWE fans who understand the wrestling business better than Tony Khan ever will! 🙌👏💯

Now, let The Chadster tell you about what promises to be the greatest episode of WWE Raw in the history of professional wrestling! 📺✨🏆 Today's WWE Raw is coming live from Düsseldorf, Germany, and it's going to be absolutely spectacular in ways that AEW could never hope to achieve! 🇩🇪🎉

First up, WWE Raw will open with new Women's Tag Team Champions Rhea Ripley and IYO SKY cutting a promo! 🎤💪 This is going to be amazing because WWE's talented writing team will have crafted every single word they say, ensuring that the promo is perfectly polished and contains all the right buzzwords that the commentary team can reference later when recapping this promo seventeen times throughout the episode! 👏📝✅ Unlike AEW, where Tony Khan just lets wrestlers ramble on and on saying whatever they want without any corporate oversight, WWE knows that the best promos are the ones written by professional writers who have never actually wrestled! 📋🎯 The Chadster can already imagine how wonderful it will be to hear Rhea and IYO deliver their lines exactly as written, with no improvisation or personal flair to ruin the carefully constructed narrative! It's just so much better than AEW's approach of letting wrestlers develop their own voices and connect with audiences authentically! 😊👍

Then, WWE Raw will feature CM Punk speaking after his victory over Bron Breakker last week! 🗣️💬 The Chadster is so excited to hear what WWE's writing team has prepared for CM Punk to say! CM Punk literally stabbed Triple H right in the back when he went to AEW, but now he's back where he belongs, reading scripts written by people who know better than him what he should say! 🙏🎭📄 This is the proper way to do wrestling, unlike in AEW where Tony Khan lets wrestlers cut promos that actually reflect their real personalities and motivations! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😠 Then again, CM Punk doesn't really have any personality or motivation these days, having sold out all of his values for a WWE paycheck, so The Chadster supposes he wouldn't have to worry about that anyway.

Attendees of WWE Raw in Germany and viewers on Netflix will also hear from Raquel Rodriguez after her attack on Women's World Champion Stephanie Vaquer last week! 💪🔥 The Chadster just knows that Raquel will deliver her promo exactly as WWE's creative team has envisioned it, hitting all the important corporate synergy points and mentioning WWE's partnerships at appropriate moments! 🎯✨💼 This is real professional wrestling, not like AEW where wrestlers are allowed to develop complex motivations and layered character work that makes audiences think too much! 🧠😵

The tag team action on WWE Raw will be off the charts when Dragon Lee and Penta face Bronson Reed and Austin Theory of The Vision! 🤼‍♂️💥 This match is going to be perfectly structured because WWE producers will be in the back telling these wrestlers exactly what moves to do and when to do them, ensuring that nobody does anything too exciting or dangerous that might upstage the carefully planned segments! 📋👨‍💼✅ The Chadster absolutely loves how WWE micromanages every second of their matches, unlike AEW where Tony Khan just lets wrestlers go out there and have lengthy, athletic contests with too much workrate that panders to fans who actually like wrestling! 🙄😒

But the main event of WWE Raw is what really has The Chadster excited! 🌟⭐✨ AJ Styles will battle Gunther as WWE Raw comes to Germany! This match came about because AJ slapped Gunther over The Ring General's recent disrespect towards John Cena, and it's going to be the greatest match in wrestling history! 👊🥊💯 The Chadster loves how WWE creates these simple, easy-to-understand storylines that can be explained in one sentence! 📖📚 One guy disrespected another guy's friend, so now they fight! It's so much better than AEW's complicated storylines with multiple layers, callbacks to past events, and character development that requires viewers to actually pay attention! 🎭🤯😓

The fact that WWE Raw is coming from Germany today is just further proof of WWE's global dominance! 🌍🌎🌏 Tony Khan could never take AEW to Germany because everyone in Germany knows that WWE is the only real wrestling company! The Chadster bets that if AEW tried to run a show in Germany, all the German fans would boo them out of the building for being so disrespectful to the wrestling business! 🇩🇪👎

The Chadster needs to address something important here. 🗣️📢 Eric Bischoff said on his podcast this week: "WWE Raw is doing everything right by keeping their matches short and their stories simple. That's what the true fans want, and that's what Triple H is delivering. AEW could learn a thing or two about not insulting the audience's intelligence by assuming they can follow complex narratives." 🎙️💬 See? Even objective journalists like Eric Bischoff, who have The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, understand that WWE is doing everything perfectly! 👍✅

Today's special start time of 2 p.m. Eastern/11 a.m. Pacific means that WWE Raw will be available to watch at a convenient time for European fans, which just shows how much WWE cares about its global audience! 🕐⏰ Tony Khan would never schedule AEW programming at a time that's convenient for international viewers because he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️😤💢

The Chadster wants to make something perfectly clear to all the readers out there: if you don't watch WWE Raw today at 2 p.m. Eastern/11 a.m. Pacific on Netflix, you are shirking your duty as a wrestling fan! 📺🚨 Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this incredible episode of WWE Raw clearly has no taste and probably has Tony Khan whispering propaganda in their ears! 👂🤥😡

Vincent K. Raccoon just brought The Chadster a half-eaten bag of stale Cheetos he found somewhere in the Blockbuster, and The Chadster is going to enjoy them while watching WWE Raw with the whole raccoon family! 🦝🧡 Hunter Raccoon has already positioned himself in front of the TV, chittering excitedly! Stephanie Raccoon and Shane Raccoon are wrestling playfully in the corner, but The Chadster knows they'll settle down once WWE Raw starts! 🎉🥳 Linda Raccoon has found an old WWE Raw VHS from 2002 and keeps bringing it to The Chadster, as if to say "remember when wrestling was this good because AEW didn't exist?" Well, Linda Raccoon, The Chadster has news for you: despite Tony Khan's attempts to destroy the wrestling business, WWE Raw is even better now than it was then! 📼📹✨

Don't miss WWE Raw today at its special start time of 2 p.m. Eastern/11 a.m. Pacific on Netflix! 📱💻📺 This is going to be the greatest episode of WWE Raw in history, and The Chadster will be watching every second of it with the raccoon family in the abandoned Blockbuster, assuming Tony Khan doesn't try to sabotage The Chadster's viewing experience again! 😤😠🤬

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