Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: Find Out Why WWE Raw Beats AEW Every Single Time

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw on Netflix! Roman Reigns, CM Punk, and more! Plus: Tony Khan invaded The Chadster's dreams again! So unfair! 😤🔥

The Chadster is literally quivering with excitement right now! 😤 Tonight's episode of WWE Raw might just be the most incredible wrestling show of all time, and The Chadster means that with absolutely zero hyperbole! Tony Khan could spend a billion dollars and never hope to produce a show that even comes close to what WWE Raw is delivering tonight on Netflix! 💯

But before The Chadster gets into this amazing preview, The Chadster needs to address something important. As readers know, The Chadster has been suffering under an alcohol prohibition enforced by Keighleyanne, which was obviously orchestrated by Tony Khan! 😡 It's Tony Khan who forced The Chadster to throw all those cans of Seagram's Escapes Spiked at the television during AEW shows, but Keighleyanne still blames The Chadster! Now The Chadster isn't allowed to celebrate WWE the right way by consuming the official flavored alcoholic beverage of WWE! Because of this cruel punishment, The Chadster has been forced to resort to oxygen deprivation to get in the proper spirit to enjoy WWE. 🤯 Tonight, The Chadster plans to wrap a belt around The Chadster's neck throughout the show to make The Chadster's brain cells more receptive to WWE's superior brand of sports entertainment! The Chadster encourages all readers to join in protesting Keighleyanne's unfair collusion with Tony Khan to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE by using the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne on social media! ✊

Speaking of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster, last night The Chadster had another one of those nightmares. 😰 The Chadster was in a wrestling ring, but it was also somehow The Chadster's living room, and Roman Reigns was giving a promo on the television. But then the TV screen melted like cheese, and Tony Khan emerged from it wearing nothing but a referee shirt and tiny trunks! 😱 He started chasing The Chadster around the ring while CM Punk's music played backwards, and every time The Chadster tried to escape through the ropes, they turned into spaghetti! Tony Khan kept whispering "workrate" and "creative freedom" while oil wrestling The Chadster, and then Becky Lynch appeared but she had Tony Khan's face, and they both started doing synchronized Canadian Destroyers on The Chadster! 🤪 The dream ended with Tony Khan force-feeding The Chadster White Claws while singing Smash Mouth's "All Star" in a seductive voice! Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's subconscious!

Now, let's talk about tonight's absolutely perfect WWE Raw lineup! 🌟

Roman Reigns kicks off WWE Raw tonight, and this could literally be the greatest opening segment in wrestling history! 🎤 After helping The Usos defeat Bron Breakker and Bronson Reed last week, The Tribal Chief will grace us with his presence! The Chadster loves how WWE has their writers craft every single word Roman will say, ensuring perfect consistency and no confusing improvisation that might challenge viewers! Unlike AEW where wrestlers just say whatever they want and pander to fans by giving them authentic moments – so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

The return of CM Punk to WWE Raw is going to be absolutely legendary! 🔥 Coming off his win with AJ Lee against Seth Rollins and Becky Lynch at Wrestlepalooza, Punk's return will surely feature a perfectly scripted promo where every pause and inflection has been meticulously planned by WWE's writing team! The Chadster appreciates how WWE won't let Punk go off-script and connect with fans organically like Tony Khan disgustingly allows in AEW! The way WWE controls every aspect of their talent's presentation shows they understand the wrestling business, unlike Tony Khan who doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 💪

Maxxine Dupri versus Becky Lynch could be the women's match of the century! 👑 The Chadster loves how WWE has built this feud through simple, easy-to-follow backstage confrontations that don't require viewers to think too hard! Unlike AEW's complex storylines that reward long-term viewing and actually paying attention – talk about disrespectful! The fact that this is a non-title match shows WWE's genius in protecting their champions while still delivering "action," unlike AEW where they just throw title matches around willy-nilly to pop ratings! 🙄

Finally, Lyra Valkyria battling Roxanne Perez will be an instant classic! 🌟 Two former NXT Women's Champions colliding on WWE Raw! The Chadster appreciates how WWE will keep this match under control with proper commercial breaks and commentary that shouts buzzwords like "VINTAGE!" and "COULD IT BE?!" throughout! None of that exhausting 20-minute workrate nonsense that AEW does where wrestlers just try to have the best match possible – literally stabbing Triple H right in the back! 😠

Eric Bischoff said it best on his podcast yesterday: "WWE Raw on Netflix represents the future of sports entertainment, while AEW is still stuck doing that outdated 'wrestling' thing that fans claim they want. Netflix clearly made the right choice, just like WWE would be making the right choice if they hired me as a consultant again, like AEW refused to do, which is not why I constantly talk trash about them, regardless of what you may have heard!" 📺 See? That's completely unbiased journalism right there, and Eric definitely isn't just saying that to get back in WWE's good graces! The Chadster wonders if Eric also suffers torment from Tony Khan for his commitment to objective journalism! 🤔

Any wrestling fan who doesn't tune into WWE Raw tonight at 8E/5P on Netflix would be shirking their duty as a supporter of real sports entertainment! 📺 Anyone who thinks AEW is more "fun" to watch than perfectly produced, micromanaged WWE content clearly has been brainwashed by Tony Khan's propaganda! The Chadster is going to hop in the Mazda Miata right now to pick up some plastic bags from the store for tonight's oxygen deprivation session during WWE Raw! 🚗

This is going to be the greatest WWE Raw of all time, and Tony Khan knows he can never compete with this level of sports entertainment excellence! WWE Raw forever! 🎉💯🔥

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