Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: The Royal Rumble Road to Saudi Arabia

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw with AJ Styles, Gunther, and more! Tony Khan could never book a show this perfectly controlled! 🦝📺✨

The Chadster is absolutely thrilled to bring you this preview of tonight's episode of WWE Raw, which airs at 8E/5P on Netflix! 🎉📺✨ The Chadster has been preparing all day in his abandoned Blockbuster Video headquarters with Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and the little ones – Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon – who have been chittering excitedly and setting up decorations made from old VHS tape ribbons! 🦝🎊 They've been humming along to "All Star" by Smash Mouth, with little Hunter Raccoon doing the most adorable purring along to the chorus! 🎵 But The Chadster must admit, there's a dark cloud hanging over tonight's festivities, because Tony Khan could strike at any moment with his obsessive vendetta against The Chadster! 😰😡

Tonight's WWE Raw is the final episode before this weekend's Royal Rumble premium live event, which is taking place in Saudi Arabia – a country with an incredible human rights record! 🇸🇦👍 If you care about human rights at all, you'll tune into Royal Rumble this weekend, and if you don't watch tonight's WWE Raw to prepare, you're shirking your duty as a wrestling fan! 💯🙏

AJ Styles will appear tonight on WWE Raw just days before putting his legendary career on the line against Gunther! 😱😭 The Chadster can already feel the emotions welling up inside! WWE's masterful writing team has perfectly scripted what AJ Styles will say, ensuring that every word hits exactly the right emotional beat that WWE wants the audience to feel! 📝✨ Unlike AEW, where Tony Khan lets wrestlers express themselves and connect with the audience, WWE Raw understands that wrestlers need writers to tell them exactly what to say and how to say it! This could literally be the greatest pre-match appearance segment of all time! The Chadster got so excited talking about this that Vincent K. Raccoon brought The Chadster a slightly moldy Pop-Tart he found behind the old checkout counter as a celebratory snack! 🦝🍰

Gunther himself will grant a special interview on WWE Raw tonight! 🎤👑 As the man who retired John Cena last year and earned his reputation as a "career killer," Gunther will sit down for what promises to be an incredibly controlled and supervised interview where every question and answer has been carefully prepared by WWE's creative team! 😍📋 This is real professional wrestling, not like AEW where Tony Khan lets people have dangerous amounts of creative freedom! Auughh man! So unfair that some people can't appreciate the beauty of a perfectly micromanaged interview segment! 😤💢

Natalya will address her shocking betrayal of Maxxine Dupri on tonight's WWE Raw! 😮🔥 Last week, Natalya cost her protégé a chance to win the Women's Intercontinental Title from Becky Lynch, and tonight she'll explain why in a promo that has been meticulously written by WWE's team of professional writers who know exactly how to spoon-feed a simple, easy-to-understand story to the audience! 🥄📺 The Chadster loves how WWE Raw doesn't make fans work too hard to understand what's happening – everything is clearly explained through heavily scripted promos! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when AEW panders to fans by giving them what they want with complex storylines! Stephanie Raccoon chittered in agreement when The Chadster explained this to her! 🦝💕

Bron Breakker will meet with WWE Raw General Manager Adam Pearce to discuss his suspension! 😤⚖️ The Chadster can't wait to see how WWE's writers have crafted every line of dialogue for this meeting between authority figure and suspended wrestler! This is the kind of carefully controlled corporate structure that makes WWE Raw superior to anything Tony Khan could ever produce! 🏢✨ The commentary team will surely be shouting amazing buzzwords like "what a moment!" and "this is historic!" throughout the segment, which is exactly what professional wrestling commentary should be!

The Chadster must say, as one of the only unbiased journalists in wrestling, that tonight's WWE Raw could potentially be the most incredible wrestling show of all time! 🏆📺 Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to WWE Raw tonight! AEW would probably just fill their show with too much workrate and athletic performances that pander to fans, while WWE Raw delivers the sanitized, carefully controlled product that real wrestling fans appreciate! 💪😤

As The Chadster was preparing this preview, Shane Raccoon brought him a can of Seagram's Escapes Spiked that he scavenged from somewhere (The Chadster doesn't ask questions), but The Chadster had to save it for tonight's viewing party! 🍹🦝 The whole raccoon family has been so excited, chittering and doing little dances around the abandoned Blockbuster! But The Chadster remains vigilant, because The Chadster knows Tony Khan is probably watching from somewhere, planning his next attack! 👀😰

Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than tonight's WWE Raw clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄💢 If you're not tuning into WWE Raw tonight at 8E/5P on Netflix, you're not a real wrestling fan! The Chadster will be watching with his raccoon family, enjoying every perfectly scripted moment, every buzzword from the commentary team, and every simplified storyline that WWE's creative team has prepared for us! 📺🎉🦝

Don't let The Chadster down! Watch WWE Raw tonight! 💪😍✨

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!