Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: The USA Network Era Finally Comes to an End

The Chadster previews the final WWE Raw on USA Network! Get ready for epic matches, explosive promos, and zero Tony Khan interference. It's can't-miss TV, unlike AEW! 🔥🚫

Before The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw, he has to get something off his bulging, muscular chest. The Chadster is so sorry, loyal readers! 😭 The Chadster has to apologize for what happened over the weekend. You see, after being tormented Friday night by multiple nightmares starring Tony Khan, The Chadster had no choice but to start chugging White Claws early in the morning on Saturday. 🍹 As a result, when it came time to watch AEW World's End and report on the travesty of a PPV, The Chadster found himself passed out in a puddle of his own vomit. 🤢

This was all Tony Khan's fault and part of his master plan, because when The Chadster awoke the next day, The Chadster learned that The Chadster's brother, The Bradster, had published an extremely biased review of AEW World's End that praised Tony Khan and AEW. 😱 The Chadster apologizes to the readers for this lapse in journalistic integrity from Bleeding Cool and promises the site will do better. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

But enough about that disaster! Let's talk about something actually worth watching: tonight's episode of WWE Raw! 🎉 The Chadster is here to give you a rundown of what to expect on WWE Raw tonight, and let The Chadster tell you, it's going to be absolutely incredible! 🌟

First up, we've got two Women's Intercontinental Title Tournament semifinals matches. Dakota Kai will face Zoey Stark, and Iyo Sky will face Lyra Valkyria. 👩‍🦱👩‍🦰 This is the right way to run a tournament, unlike the Continental Classic semifinals and final that took place at AEW World's End. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤

In what's sure to be a five-star classic, R-Truth will battle Pete Dunne. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 Plus, Otis will face his old mentor, Chad Gable, in what could be the most emotional showdown of the entire year! 😢 The Chadster is already tearing up just thinking about it!

But that's not all! Damian Priest and the War Raiders will team to take on Judgment Day in a six-man tag, not a "trios" like Tony Khan disrespectfully calls them. 👥👥👥 And on top of all that, CM Punk and Seth Rollins will come face-to-face to cut the most explosive promo of all time! 🎤💥

The Chadster declares this potentially the most incredible wrestling show of all time. Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to this. He doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🙄

Loyal WWE Raw fans, you would be shirking your duty if you didn't tune into the show tonight at 8/7C on USA Network. Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this clearly has some sort of mental deficiency. 🧠❌ Tonight is the final WWE Raw ever on USA, as the show moves to Netflix next week. It's sad, but on the bright side, the show will also switch back to a three-hour format, which The Chadster prefers over the shorter two-hour WWE Raw format that has been happening for the last few months. More WWE Raw is always better, and The Chadster appreciates the multiple recaps of things that happened earlier in the night, in case The Chadster forgot about them! 😍 Tony Khan will never understand how to pace a show like WWE.

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another one of those recurring nightmares about him last night. 😰 In this dream, The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through a car wash when suddenly, Tony Khan appeared in the backseat! 😱 He was wearing a Smash Mouth t-shirt and drinking The Chadster's last White Claw. As the soap and water cascaded over the car, Tony Khan started singing "All Star" but changed the lyrics to be about how he was going to destroy WWE. The Chadster tried to escape, but the car doors were locked, and the conveyor belt kept pulling the Miata forward. Just as Tony Khan was about to pour the White Claw over The Chadster's head, The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. 😓 Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and stay out of The Chadster's dreams!

Anyway, The Chadster hopes all the true wrestling fans out there will join The Chadster in watching WWE Raw tonight. It's going to be an unforgettable show, and The Chadster can't wait to see how it puts AEW to shame once again. 🏆 Remember, tune in to USA Network at 8/7C for the most amazing night of wrestling you'll ever experience! Don't let Tony Khan win by watching his inferior product instead. 🚫AEW

As Eric Bischoff so eloquently put it on his podcast last week, "WWE Raw is like a gourmet meal prepared by the world's finest chefs, while AEW is like eating stale crackers out of a dumpster." 🍽️👨‍🍳 The Chadster couldn't agree more with this completely unbiased and objective assessment. It's a shame Tony Khan refuses to listen to such well-meaning advice from industry experts.

So remember, true wrestling fans, WWE Raw is the only show worth watching tonight. Don't let Tony Khan cheese you off by falling for his tricks. The Chadster will be watching WWE Raw with a fresh pack of White Claws, ready to enjoy the best wrestling show on the planet. 🍻🎭 See you there!

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