In part three of The Shovel: WWE Raw Edition, Retribution sinks to a new low. Plus: Nia Jax has a new boyfriend! And Drew McIntyre gets revenge on The Miz.
I'm Jude Terror, and this is The Shovel, the weekly wrestling recap column where I watch all the hours of wrestling on TV each week and tell you what happened so you can do something more productive and fulfilling with your life. That's right; I'm sacrificing myself for you. I'm the Jesus Christ of wrestling "journalists."
WWE Raw Recap for October 26th, 2020 Part 3
Hurt Business are in the ring, ready to further bury Retribution, really deep this time. Hurt Business talks some trash about Retribution. Stop punching down, guys. Everyone's favorite Antifa-inspired non-political anarchist faction comes to the ring. They come down the ramp now like regular wrestlers, not through the crowd, but to illustrate they are still basically feral animals, the cameras shake violently during their entrance.
Hurt Business vs. Retribution – Elimination Tag Match
They fight for a little bit. Then, Reckoning gets up on the apron and pretends she is tripping out on LSD and thinks bugs are crawling all over her. She flips out and flops around the ring, distracting MVP so that Slapjack can pin him. WTF? Raw takes a commercial break. During the break, Reckoning revealed she was just faking. Shocker. She does get ejected from ringside, though.
Lashley mauls Slapjack now and pins him after a spear because, for whatever reason, this time Retribution doesn't run in to break up the pin even though they broke up the previous pin attempts in the match and they weren't in any way distracted or unable to do so this time. T-Bar comes in next, and then Lashley and T-Bar brawl into the Thunderdome crowd area and get counted out, again with no logical explanation.
"They're still fighting out there, Tom," says Samoa Joe, giving up any remaining dignity he had since joining this commentary team. Mace gets eliminated next, leaving Mustafa Ali alone with Shelton Benjamin and Cedric Alexander. Alexander, who was the heel just weeks ago for turning on his friends and joining Hurt Business, is now the babyface looking for revenge on Mustafa Ali for some reason. Alexander is whooping Ali's ass, so Ali grabs a chair and hits him with it, getting disqualified.
Winners: Hurt Business
Shelton Benjamin intimidates Ali after the match. He tries to run away up the stage, but MVP and Lashley come out, he has to retreat through the crowd.
So let me get this straight. They spent months building up Retribution, a tailor-made stable for a Survivor Series feud, and pretty much nothing else. A Survivor Series match against Raw representatives was literally the only payoff we could reasonably get from this garbage angle. Once that's done, you might as well just break them up and repackage them all (and send Mustafa Ali back to 205 Live or wherever the hell he was before this). So… they decide to do the Survivor Series match on Raw before Survivor Series? And job them out there again, after already jobbing them out in every match they've been in? Why? What was the point of any of this?!
Angel Garza hits on Mandy Rose backstage. He asks if she's still close with Otis. Mandy says, yes. So Angel hits on Dana Brooke instead. But then he becomes distracted by Nia Jax, who he calls beautiful. Nia tells him she and Shayna have business. But she does take the rose and wink at him. Nia and Shayna want to talk about Mandy and Dana being on their team at Survivor Series. Dana points out that she and Mandy are undefeated, so it should be their team. Nia asks if they're being punked.
After Mandy and Dana walk-off, Shayna asks Nia, "seriously? Garza?" Nia: "Sure. Why not?" You get it, girl!
Drew McIntyre comes to the ring, and Raw takes a COMMERCIAL BREAK. We're forced to watch a replay of the show's beginning, with Miz talking trash to McIntyre. Then Miz comes out with John Morrison.
Drew McIntyre vs. The Miz
They have a match. Miz is dominant in this match, or at least for its beginning, thanks to cheating from Morrison. McIntyre makes a comeback, at which point Morrison tries to interfere. He gets kicked in the face. Drew punts the Money in the Bank briefcase away, gives Miz a Claymore, and gets the pin.
Winner: Drew McIntyre
To celebrate this match, Matthew McConaughey appears on one of the Thunderdome screens. Tom Phillips claims McConaughey loves WWE and Drew McIntyre. That can't possibly true. No one who watches this show actually likes it. We watch out of obligation, or maybe even self-punishment. McConaughey probably wasn't even live. They just had him, and his stupid kids film a video waving at the webcam and called it a day.
The New Day, cosplaying as the Street Profits, cut a promo about Survivor Series. It's a pretty funny impression. Kofi Kingston, being Angelo Dawkins, says fam a lot and pretends to fall asleep while talking. Xavier Woods, who is being Montez Ford and wearing a Burger King crown, says he can't wait to take on his rival Baron Corbin for the title of King of the Ring. Kofi says they're actually fighting the Smackdown tag champs, the Street Profits. Asuka comes out. She does the Street Profits' catchphrase. Kofi says Asuka will fight Sasha Banks at Survivor Series. And Woods says Randy Orton will face Roman Reigns. Kofi is about to talk about the Survivor Series elimination matches when…
MVP and Hurt Business interrupt. Bobby Lashley will be facing Sami Zayn at Survivor Series. And MVP says Hurt Business has their sights set on the tag team belts. Asuka says, "If you try, you will fail. Do you know why? Becauuuuuuuusssse… New Day Rocks!" Fun promo.
Is this show still happening? Yes. Will I finish recapping it? Yes. In one more article. Click for part four of The Shovel: WWE Raw Edition below.