In part two of The Shovel: WWE Raw edition, the once-mighty Keith Lee can barely beat a jobbing guitar player. Plus: five men sacrifice their careers for a joke you don't find funny anymore.
I'm Jude Terror, and this is The Shovel, the weekly wrestling recap column where I watch all the hours of wrestling on TV each week and tell you what happened so you can do something more productive and fulfilling with your life. That's right; I'm sacrificing myself for you. I'm the Jesus Christ of wrestling "journalists."
WWE Raw Recap for October 26th, 2020 Part 2
WWE give themselves a nice pat on the back over their partnership with Susan G. Komen again this year to make random parts of the set pink. Then Lucha House Party have a tag team match with Akira Tozawa and Drew Gulak, the sole purpose of which is as a vehicle to deliver 24/7 Championship nonsense.
Lucha House Party vs. Akira Tozawa and Drew Gulak
About two seconds into the match, R-Truth comes out. Akira Tozawa leaves his match and tries to pin Truth. Then the other three guys all try, but then that damn furry, Lince Dorado, accidentally hits a diving crossbody on Drew Gulak and gets the pin.
Winners: Lucha House Party
Truth runs away, chased by all four men. As much as I love R-Truth, and I do love him, this title ran its course at least six months ago, and at this point, it just makes everyone involved with it look like a joke in a way none of them are likely to ever recover from. I get that it fills time on the shows, and WWE is desperate to fill time, but god damn. How many times can you make the exact same joke?
Actually, who the hell am I to talk about reusing jokes?! You know what, nevermind. The title is great! We see Huskus Pig salivating over some cake, and Raw takes another commercial break.
Bray Wyatt is having a mad tea party in the Firefly Funhouse. He's got a mad hatter hat on. All the puppets are at the table. Alexa Bliss arrives with the tea. She made it extra special for Ramblin' Rabbit. She pours him some. He takes a sip and asks what's in it. There's a secret ingredient. He wants to know what it is. She giggles. "Arsenic." He vomits and dies.
Bray and Alexa laugh. Bray says Alexa is fitting right in. He quotes Alice in Wonderland. Alexa Bliss has evil contact lenses. She promotes Randy Orton on Moment of Bliss later, and the camera zooms in on Bray. Behind him is a photo of a house burning down, calling back to Randy Orton, burning down Bray's swamp shack and the ghost of Sister Abigail. Ramblin Rabbit wakes up. He says he's actually okay. Bray beats him to death.
We see a replay of the Keith Lee vs. Braun Strowman ball-kicking contest from last week. Charly Caruso talks to Keith Lee. She asks how he bounces back after losing last week. Wear a cup? Lee says Strowman couldn't beat Lee clean, so instead of losing like a man, he took the cheap way out. Braun calls himself a monster, but the next time Lee faces Braun, he'll show him a real monster. This is getting saucy. But Strowman will have to wait. Tonight's about destroying Elias and winning a spot at Survivor Series. Raw takes another commercial break.
Adam Pearce is walking backstage, deep in thought about a porn shoot he has later tonight where he plays a sleazy stepdad. Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler stop to talk to him. Jax declares herself Raw team captain for Survivor Series and hands Pearce a list of superstars she wants on her team. Shayna actually has her own list and thinks she should be the captain. Pearce takes both lists.
Elias is in the ring. He talks about his new album, Universal Truth, which he says is #2 on the charts. What charts would Elias's album possibly rank on? Keith Lee comes out before Elias can sing another song.
Keith Lee vs. Elias – Survivor Series Qualifying Match
Elias gets way more offense in this match than he deserves, but I guess WWE has gotta push his music career. Elias beats up Lee all the way through a commercial break and for a little while after it. But while WWE is actively ruining Lee, he hasn't been ruined enough to job to Elias yet. It's a work in progress.
Ah, during the match, Tom Phillips explains the album is #2 on the Apple Music soundtrack charts. That's quite a qualifier, especially since most of Hollywood is shut down, so there aren't really even any movies with soundtracks coming out. How embarrassing for Keith Lee. He continues to get his ass kicked by Elias until Jeff Hardy comes out to distract Elias. Lee hits a spirit bomb to win.
Winner: Keith Lee (barely)
Hardy hits Elias with a guitar after the match. Hurt Business bully someone backstage. Raw takes a COMMERCIAL BREAK. After that, Charly Caruso talks to Randy Orton backstage and asks if he's worried about The Fiend tonight. Orton says he made it out of hell last night as a fourteen-time champion, and it doesn't matter who's after him. The only people that need to be concerned are the people who cross Orton. Well, we'll see Randy.
A video package attempt to convince us Retribution is still a threat after getting jobbed out like chumps repeatedly over the past few weeks. Then Hurt Business comes to the ring to make them look like chumps again. Will Retribution be ruined for good this time? Find out in part two of The Shovel: WWE Raw Edition.