Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Raw, recaps, wrestling, wwe

WWE Raw Results – The "All Mighty Era" of Raw Isn't Half Bad

With less than a week to go until WWE Fastlane and less than a month before WrestleMania, WWE needs to get its ass in gear on WWE Raw tonight. Bleeding Cool's live coverage commences now…

WWE Raw Results – March 15th, 2021

MVP and Bobby Lashley kick off Raw by wearing some sweet plaid suits to the ring. A graphic tells us Lashley will put the belt on the line against Drew McIntyre at WrestleMania. They cut a promo, the extent of which is that this is the All Mighty Era of WWE Raw. Miz and Morrison interrupt. After some of their usual schtick, including a Stone Cold Steve Austin impersonation for Stone Cold Week, Drew McIntyre interrupts the interruption. He slices Miz's stupid head off with his stupid sword.

Just kidding, he doesn't do that, but in my imagination, he did. Instead, he ignores Miz and Morrison and gets in the ring with Lashley. McIntyre talks about the similarities between his and Lashley's journey to the WWE Championship. But McIntyre says he won the title the right way, while Lashley did it cheaply. Furthermore, McIntyre says MVP is useless and shouldn't even be here.

Miz and Morrison try to buddy up with Hurt Business and team up on McIntyre. McIntyre turns his back to Miz and gives him two options: attack McIntyre, or run away. McIntyre says he'll make an example of Miz if he sticks around. And he says he can't wait to face Lashley at WrestleMania.

McIntyre calls Lashley a "big bald bitch." Miz distracts McIntyre and Lashley attacks him from behind to Miz's delight. As Lashley is leaving, Sheamus jumps him, so those two will presumably battle tonight. WWE Raw takes a commercial break.

After the break, Sarah Schrieber asks Sheamus why he attacked Lashley. Sheamus says he wants McIntyre at 100% on Sunday at WWE Fastlane. Sheamus demands a match with Bobby Lashley tonight to show Drew McIntyre that Sheamus can do what he won't be able to at WrestleMania. Well, that's some convoluted logic, but I guess.

Drew McIntyre vs. The Miz

A groggy Drew McIntyre gets to his feet, and a match with The Miz commences. McIntyre beats the crap out of Miz and makes him tap to Lashley's Hurt Lock.

Tom Phillips congratulates Bad Bunny on his Grammy win. Then we see the Grammy Winner walking backstage with Damian Priest.

Recap of Shane McMahon's promo on Braun Strowman last week. Strowman is also seen walking backstage. How convenient is it that whenever WWE is talking about someone, they just happen to be walking backstage at that exact moment?

Commercials.

Strowman is in the ring, and he demands Shane McMahon join him. McMahon's music plays, and he hits the stage, but wisely, not the ring. Strowman says he's been bullied his whole life by guys like Shane, which seems unlikely. McMahon says he would never make fun of another human being. Strowman says McMahon must be afraid of him. Shane makes fun of Strowman's intelligence some more. Strowman challenges Shane to a match tonight. Shane says Strowman couldn't handle Shane. He calls him stupid some more and then accepts the challenge. Well, it was nice knowing you, Shane.

R-Truth, cosplaying as Stone Cold Steve Austin, interrupts a conversation between Mandy Rose, Dana Brooke, Lana, and Naomi. They try to inform Truth that 3:16 Day is tomorrow, but Truth can't hear them because he keeps saying, "What?!" Truth chugs a beer.

Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax head to the ring as WWE Raw takes a commercial break.

Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke vs. Lana and Naomi

The tag champs hang out at commentary to watch this match, which goes about how you'd expect (middling). Eventually, Asuka comes out, and when Shayna tries to intercept her, Asuka kicks her ass. Dana Brooke picks up the win with a spinning neckbreaker on Lana, which I'm going to say is her first win ever on Monday Night Raw. I have no idea if that's accurate, but it feels accurate.

Winners: Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke

Riddle rides into Gorilla on a scooter to wish TheNew Day good luck in their match tonight. They return the favor for Riddle's match with Mustafa Ali. Riddle suggests they get tattoos and pancakes to celebrate after they win tonight. New Day aren't into the tattoos, so he suggests they get matching scooters instead. Thrilling stuff. WWE Raw takes a commercial break.

The New Day vs. Shelton Benjamin and Cedric Alexander – Raw Tag Team Championships

The NEw Day challenge Hurt Business for the Raw Tag Team Championships. It's an epic match, and Raw tends to have many those in the 9PM-10PM hour, and they often end pointlessly. So you'd be forgiven if you zoned out for this one, but as it turns out, this is one of those rare times when something actually happens on Raw. Kingston and Woods execute a perfect finish to the match, getting the pin with Daybreak to become eleven-time new champs.

Winners: The New Day

AJ Styles and Omos head to the ring to congratulate The New Day. They challenge The New Day to a Raw Tag Team Championship match. Woods points out that AJ and Omos aren't a tag team. AJ says they are now. AJ says they want the match at WrestleMania. Because screw Fastlane.

Kofi Kingston questions whether AJ and Omos know how to work as a team. Woods accepts the match.

Damian Priest and Bad Bunny run into Miz and Morrison backstage. Priest mocks Miz for losing the WWE Championship two weeks ago. Miz congratulates Bad Bunny on winning a Grammy but points out his accomplishments, such as beating John Cena at WrestleMania and starring in The Marine franchise, are still better. Then he asks Priest what he's ever accomplished. Priest offers to kick his ass as a first accomplishment. Miz and Morrison wisely leave.

R-Truth sneaks up like he's gonna hit Bad Bunny with his Stone Cold lunchbox, but Priest catches him. Truth says he's actually here to give Bad Bunny gifts, and he gives him the lunchbox, a Stone Cold doll, and a Stone Cold replica belt. Bad Bunny is moved, and because he respects the business, he decides to give Truth back the 24/7 Championship.

Damian Priest vs. Jaxson Ryker

Priest kicks that crap out of Ryker.

Winner: Damian Priest

Elias attacks Priest after the match. Bad Bunny looks on horrified, but when Elias tries to hit Priest with a guitar, Bad Bunny takes it from him. Elias tries to slam Bad Bunny, but Bad Bunny punches him. When Elias turns around, Priest is back up, and he hits him with the Crossroads.

John Morrison comes out, ostensibly to congratulate them, but it's a distraction. Miz hits Bad Bunny with the guitar from behind and then runs away. So that'll be another match for WrestleMania.

Commercials.

MVP and Bobby Lashley (but mostly MVP) cut a promo on Sheamus.

Shane McMahon vs. Braun Strowman

Shane McMahon has had a hopscotch board set up outside the ring. He says it can help Shane warm up and help Braun learn to count. Strowman gives chase, but Shane runs. Strowman catches him. He roughs Shane up at ringside, but Shane grabs a camera from the cameraman and uses it to kick Strowman's ass and lay him out on top of the announce table. McMahon hits an elbow drop off the top rope onto Strowman, putting him through the table.

Winner: Uhh?

Shane dumps several buckets of green slime on Strowman for some reason. Is this a Nickelodeon crossover?

WWE even makes reference to You Can't Do That on Television… but did you know Nickelodeon stole their whole slime gimmick from that show, even though it wasn't even their show? It was a Canadian import.

So why is WWE booking Braun Strowman as the underdog in this feud?

Commercials.

Alexa Bliss is swinging in her playground. Her magic Jack in the Box that contains The Fiend's soul is on the other swing. Alexa challenges Orton to a match at Fastlane.

Asuka vs. Shayna Baszler

Asuka is back, and so are her teeth! As she makes her way to the ring, we go through a commercial break, an ad for Stone Cold week, a replay of Molly Holly being told she's joining the WWE Hall of Fame, and a Shayna Baszler promo. After all of that, we get a match. During the match, we get a slow-motion replay of a knee to the chin by Baszler. That's how you know Asuka is a total badass. She got her tooth kicked out a few weeks ago, but she doesn't even flinch at that move. Jax tries to interfere, but Asuka manages to get a pinning combo on BAsezler.

Winner: Asuka

Baszler tries to attack after the match, but Asuka kicks her ass and stomps her face-first into the turnbuckle. Then she removes the turnbuckle pad, removes Shayna's mouth guard, and puts Baszler's mouth on the exposed turnbuckle. Before she can kill Shayna, a referee interferes.

Mustafa Ali is in the middle of berating Retribution when Riddle zooms right through the group on his scooter. Raw takes a commercial break.

Riddle vs. Mustafa Ali – United States Championship Match

Two titles have changed on Raw so far tonight. Could we see one more? Nope. Riddle retains and escapes the ring before Retribution can attack.

Winner: Riddle

How will Ali explain this after yelling at his team for being losers the last few weeks?

Sarah Schreiber asks Randy Orton for his reaction to Alexa Bliss's challenge for a one-on-one match. Orton says Alexa dared Orton to kick her out of his life. That's exactly what he's gonna do. WWE Raw takes a commercial break.

Commentary assures us there will be a new WrestleMania tickets on-sale date in the next week.

Recaps of stuff that happened earlier in the show.

Drew McIntyre cuts a promo about how he's not wearing underwear under his kilt. No, really. Then he cuts a promo on MVP and Lashley. He sells his match with Sheamus at Fastlane as a sure-to-be-violent affair. Then he says he's gonna sit at ringside to watch Sheamus and Lashley beat the crap out of each other.

Sheamus vs. Bobby Lashley

McIntyre gets what he wished for. It's a hard-hitting match, and Lashley wins with a spear.

Winner: Bobby Lashley

After the match, Lashley puts the Hurt Lock on Sheamus. McIntyre gets in the ring. He hits a Claymore on Lashley.

WWE Raw was alright tonight. Better than usual. And the card for WrestleMania is starting to look pretty decent. Look, coming from me and about WWE, this is high praise.

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