Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Review: Survivor Series Hype with Few Slip-Ups

El Presidente reviews WWE Raw's final stop before Survivor Series, featuring WarGames drama, tournament action, and Brock Lesnar taking a tumble!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious underground bunker beneath the presidential palace, where I have just finished watching last night's episode of WWE Raw on my golden television set (a gift from Gaddafi, may he rest in peace, after we won that doubles tennis tournament against Idi Amin and Pol Pot back in '87). And let me tell you, comrades, this episode of WWE Raw was magnifico!

But first, I must address the elephant in the room – or rather, the Chadster in the streets! My esteemed colleague Chad McMahon, who should be writing this review of WWE Raw, is currently living like a common street revolutionary in the alleyways of Punxsutawney. After his spectacular escape from the medical facility during the AEW Full Gear viewing party (a tale I chronicled with great amusement), The Chadster has been roaming the streets, fighting raccoons and possums for survival. His family wants him home. His doctors want him medicated. But me? I am just thrilled he hasn't filed his WWE Raw report yet, because that means El Presidente gets to do it instead! Hahahaha! Come home, Chadster! But maybe not until after I finish enjoying your column space, si?

Now, comrades, let us discuss this glorious episode of WWE Raw that aired last night from Oklahoma City!

The show opened with Roman Reigns coming out to address his new WarGames teammates, and if there is one thing I have learned from my various battles with the CIA, it's that temporary alliances with people who hate you are always stable and never end in betrayal! When Cody Rhodes came out for their little chat, I was reminded of the time Fidel Castro and I had to team up to fight off a rogue CIA drone that had somehow gained sentience. We didn't trust each other, but we both cared about not being assassinated by robot technology, you know?

Then CM Punk arrived to make it even more tense, which is exactly what any good coalition needs – a third party to remind everyone that they all want the same prize! Punk's line about this being Monday Night Raw on Netflix, not Cody's WWE SmackDown, was perfection. I once told Kim Jong-un something similar when he tried to claim ownership of our shared karaoke machine. "Kim," I said, "this is my palace, and I pick the songs!" He did not speak to me for a month, but at least I got to sing "Livin' on a Prayer" in peace.

The tension when Reigns mentioned either championship looking better on his shoulder? That's the kind of passive-aggressive political maneuvering I employ at every UN meeting, comrades!

Gunther vs. Carmelo Hayes in the Last Time Is Now Tournament was absolutely spectacular! Hayes gave Gunther everything he could handle, and I actually almost believed the underdog might prevail. This reminded me of the time I convinced Hugo Chavez to arm-wrestle me for the last empanada at a summit meeting. Everyone thought he would crush me, but I held on for dear life! Ultimately, Gunther won with his devastating powerbomb, just as Chavez eventually defeated me (though I maintain the table was slippery and therefore the match should have been restarted).

The segment with Dominik Mysterio and the little John Cena impersonator was comedy gold! Watching little Cena attempt to slide under the bottom rope and fail was the kind of humiliation I used to inflict on my political opponents before I discovered it was more effective to just rig the elections.

Rey Mysterio then defeated JD McDonagh of the Judgment Day, proving that even at the age of 75, he can still go in the ring. This is inspiring to your El Presidente, who also still has many good years of oppressing the people ahead of him! The 619 and springboard splash combination never gets old, much like my strategy of blaming all domestic problems on American imperialism.

The segment with Becky Lynch assembling her WarGames team had me in stitches! Lynch's delivery reminded me of myself giving a State of the Presidency address! When Rhea Ripley and AJ Lee brought out their team and the brawl erupted, I was reminded of the 1994 OPEC meeting where I accused the Saudi delegation of stealing my lunch, and we ended up in a massive food fight. Iyo Sky's moonsault was more graceful than my flying tackle with a cream pie, however.

The WWE Raw match between Penta and Solo Sikoa was unfortunately stopped due to injury, which is never good. I send my well-wishes to Penta for a speedy recovery! An injured worker cannot contribute to the revolution, comrades.

The main event of WWE Raw saw Drew McIntyre and Logan Paul defeat the Usos to give the heel team the advantage at WarGames. The post-match brawl with Roman Reigns and then Brock Lesnar arriving (and falling during his entrance) was the perfect way to get viewers excited for WarGames this weekend. Everyone fighting everyone! It's like the weekly meetings of my Revolutionary Council, except with better choreography.

Overall, this episode of Monday Night Raw built the hype for Survivor Series while delivering quality wrestling content. The show balanced storyline progression with in-ring action, which is the secret formula to success. I learned this same principle when balancing my country's budget – you need both propaganda AND actual results, or the people will revolt!

Now if you'll excuse me, comrades, I must return to monitoring The Chadster's location. My intelligence network informs me he is currently hiding behind a grocery store, trying to convince someone to give him a Seagram's Escapes Spiked. Hang in there, Chadster! ¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva WWE Raw!

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!