Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw: Tony Khan Wishes AEW Could Compare to This Stacked Card

The Chadster breaks down tonight's INCREDIBLE episode of WWE Raw on Netflix, which Tony Khan and AEW could never hope to match! 🤼‍♂️ 😤

The Chadster is absolutely PUMPED to tell everyone about tonight's episode of WWE Raw, which is going to be so amazing that it will literally change the wrestling business forever! 🔥 😍

First up, Seth "Freakin" Rollins will face off against Drew McIntyre in what The Chadster believes could be the greatest match in the history of professional wrestling. Both of these superstars know how to work a REAL wrestling match, not like those spot monkeys in AEW who just do flips and completely disrespect the business. 🤼‍♂️ 💯

Speaking of which, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night. The Chadster was in the Netflix headquarters, trying to watch WWE Raw, when Tony Khan kept popping up in different Netflix shows, crawling out of the TV screen like in "The Ring." He was wearing a Smash Mouth t-shirt (which was so disrespectful to The Chadster's favorite band) and throwing White Claws at The Chadster while laughing maniacally. Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! 😱 👻

But back to WWE Raw! Jey Uso will be addressing his upcoming match with Gunther, and as Kevin Nash said on his podcast last week, "WWE's storytelling makes AEW look like a backyard federation run by a mark with his daddy's money." See? Even wrestling legends know what The Chadster knows! 📢 🎤

The return of The New Day is going to be epic, and The Chadster knows this because Bully Ray said on Busted Open Radio last week, "Tony Khan couldn't book a New Day segment if he had Triple H personally coaching him through it." So objective and true, because they don't even work there! That's the kind of insight you can only get from unbiased wrestling journalism like The Chadster's favorite podcast hosts provide. 🌟 👑

Lyra Valkyria's appearance as the new Women's Intercontinental Champion is going to be SO MUCH BETTER than anything AEW does with their women's division. The Chadster tried to explain this to Keighleyanne, but she just sighed and kept texting that guy Gary. Clearly Keighleyanne doesn't understand the first thing about women's wrestling. Tony Khan has literally ruined The Chadster's marriage! 💔 😤

The legendary JBL will be there too, since the Trump inauguration was moved inside, and just like Eric Bischoff said recently on an episode of 83 Weeks, "WWE Hall of Famers bring legitimate star power, unlike AEW's random indie darlings of the week." Such unbiased journalism! The Chadster is literally bursting with joy at witnessing such objective work. 🎭 🌟

Damage CTRL vs. Pure Fusion Collective is going to demonstrate REAL tag team wrestling, not that flippy-floppy stuff AEW does that makes The Chadster so cheesed off he has to throw White Claws at the TV, creating a mess, which, by the way, Tony Khan has yet to repay The Chadster for having to clean up. The Chadster wishes Tony Khan would stop being so obsessed with The Chadster so much that he ignores the dozens of weekly emails The Chadster sends him demanding restitution. 🍺 😡

And finally, Sami Zayn will speak to the WWE Universe in what The Chadster guarantees will be better than any promo ever cut in AEW. As Mark Henry wisely stated on Busted Open Radio recently, "WWE promos are like fine wine, while AEW promos are like toilet water." Such wisdom, and The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan would ignore such well-meaning advice as this, offered in the spirit of charity! 🎤 💫

If you don't watch WWE Raw tonight at 8E/5P on Netflix, you're literally stabbing Triple H right in the back. And what did Triple H ever do to you?! The Chadster can't believe anyone would choose to watch AEW over this absolutely stacked card. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 💔

The Chadster will be watching from The Chadster's Mazda Miata in the driveway (since Keighleyanne banned The Chadster from throwing White Claws in the house), and The Chadster suggests all true wrestling fans do the same! 🚗 📺 In your own Miatas, of course. It's only a two-seater, after all.

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