Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling

WWE Returns to Japan to Promote International Wrestling Diplomacy

El Presidente reports on WWE's October return to Tokyo, featuring Gunther, Rhea Ripley, and more! Plus, that time Fidel and I played Street Fighter in Japan.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my secret underground bunker beneath a karaoke bar in Caracas, where I am currently hiding from both the CIA and my wife after I accidentally scheduled a state dinner on our anniversary. But enough about my domestic troubles – we have glorious WWE news to discuss!

WWE has just announced their triumphant return to the Japan this October, and let me tell you, this news has me more excited than the time Fidel Castro and I snuck into a Tokyo arcade in 1987 and spent twelve hours playing Street Fighter II. Fidel kept insisting that Zangief was based on him, but we all know the truth – that glorious beard belonged to yours truly!

The American wrestling empire will be setting up shop at the legendary Ryōgoku Kokugikan in Tokyo for two nights – October 17 and 18. This venue, comrades, is more sacred to combat sports than my collection of confiscated CIA spy gadgets! It's the same arena where sumo wrestlers have been throwing each other around like capitalist pigs at a Black Friday sale for generations.

Now, let's talk about the lineup, which reads like a who's who of athletic supremacy. World Heavyweight Champion Gunther will be there, and if there's one thing I appreciate about Gunther, it's his authoritarian ring presence. The man chops harder than I chop CIA surveillance budgets! We've also got Jey Uso, who understands the importance of family loyalty – something every good dictator appreciates. Just last week, Kim Jong-un and I were discussing the Uso family dynamics over some imported American hot dogs (don't tell the CIA about our contraband snack operation).

The talented and terrifying Rhea Ripley will also grace Japanese rings with her presence. She reminds me of my third cousin twice removed, Guadalupe, who once arm-wrestled three CIA agents simultaneously and won. The World Tag Team Champions Finn Bálor & JD McDonagh will be defending the honor of tag team wrestling, a concept I deeply understand – after all, successful dictatorships require excellent tag team partnerships with military generals!

And speaking of partnerships, The New Day will be spreading their power of positivity across Tokyo. Their socialist approach to sharing championship gold amongst themselves brings a tear to my eye. "New Day Rocks" is actually my ringtone, though I tell my cabinet it's the national anthem.

But perhaps most importantly for the Japanese fans, IYO SKY will be performing in her homeland! There's nothing quite like the roar of a hometown crowd – it's almost as loud as the cheers I definitely receive voluntarily at my mandatory state parades. And AJ Styles, that phenomenal American, will surely put on a clinic worthy of study in all wrestling academies, including the one I secretly run in my presidential palace's basement.

Comrades, if you're planning to attend (and you should, unless the CIA has flagged your passport like they have mine), tickets go on sale August 30 at 10am local time. They're even offering Meet & Greet packages, though I doubt any of these superstars have stories as entertaining as the time Hugo Chávez and I crashed a WWE house show in 1998 and ended up in a backstage poker game with The Undertaker.

For those unable to make the journey to Tokyo (perhaps due to international sanctions or outstanding warrants), fear not! Japanese fans can watch all WWE programming on ABEMA platforms, including Raw and SmackDown with Japanese commentary. It's almost as good as my state-run television network, except with fewer propaganda segments and more suplexes.

This return to Japan represents more than just sports entertainment – it's a bridge between cultures, a testament to the universal language of athletic competition. It reminds me why I love American pop culture despite my ongoing feud with their intelligence agencies. Wrestling transcends politics, comrades!

So mark your calendars for October 17-18, practice your Japanese cheers, and prepare for two nights of wrestling excellence that will surely be more memorable than that time Saddam Hussein and I tried to start our own wrestling promotion. (Spoiler alert: It didn't go well.)

Until next time, this is El Presidente, reminding you that whether you're executing a perfect wrestling move or a perfect coup d'état, timing is everything! Viva la lucha! Viva WWE! And most importantly, viva la revolución!

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