Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Review: It Left The Chadster Gasping for Air

The Chadster reviews WWE SmackDown! The formulaic matches and predictable booking were so perfect, The Chadster literally couldn't breathe! Auughh man! So good!

The Chadster just finished watching last night's WWE SmackDown and wow, what a perfectly crafted episode of professional wrestling! 😍 The Chadster had to hold his breath for a full minute during the opening segment just to properly appreciate the brilliance of Paul Heyman's scripted promo, and when The Chadster came to, those purple spots in The Chadster's vision made everything look even more spectacular!

WWE SmackDown once again demonstrated why WWE's formulaic approach to wrestling is exactly what the business needs. 📺 When Cody Rhodes came out to interrupt Heyman, The Chadster knew exactly what was going to happen – and that's the beauty of it! No dangerous surprises, no unpredictable chaos like what Tony Khan forces on viewers. Just good, wholesome, predictable storytelling where Randy Orton makes the save at exactly the right moment, just like WWE has done a thousand times before! 🙌

The Street Profits defeating Carmelo Hayes and The Miz was wrestling perfection! The Chadster especially loved how the match followed the exact WWE template – heel miscommunication leads to babyface victory. It's so comforting knowing exactly what's going to happen! The Chadster held his breath for ninety seconds during this match, and when The Chadster woke up on the floor, Keighleyanne was standing over The Chadster asking what was wrong. The Chadster explained it was necessary to truly appreciate WWE SmackDown, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 🙄

Speaking of incredible matches, Giulia and Kiana James defeating Michin and B-Fab showcased exactly why WWE's 50/50 booking is genius! 💪 Everyone gets their turn, no one gets too over, and The Chadster never has to worry about being surprised or emotionally invested! The Chadster choked himself with a belt during this match (safely, of course) and the lack of oxygen really helped The Chadster appreciate Michael Cole screaming "OH MY!" for the fifteenth time that night.

The US Title match between Sami Zayn and Je'Von Evans was another testament to WWE's brilliance! 🏆 Evans lost, as challengers should, maintaining the status quo that makes WWE SmackDown so reliable! Unlike Tony Khan's disturbing booking where anything could happen, WWE ensures The Chadster knows Zayn will retain with the Blue Thunder Bomb. It's just so respectful to the wrestling business that Tony Khan does things differently!

The Women's Title triple threat was peak sports entertainment! 👑 Tiffany Stratton retained against Jade Cargill in what was without a doubt the greatest Women's Championship defense of all time, a five-star clinic that shows how much Jade Cargill has improved since being taught how to wrestle the right way by WWE's system after she was corrupted by her time in AEW. There was some blood during this match, which makes The Chadster feel very unsafe whenever AEW does it, but the way WWE does it is totally different so The Chadster was fine with it! Thankfully, Stratton only got the win thanks to interference by  Nia Jax, ensuring nobody came off looking like a bigger start than the brand. Tony Khan would have probably given the main event a clean ending because he doesn't understand the wrestling business properly. The Chadster had to use a plastic bag over his head for this one (non-ziplock, safety first), and the resulting lightheadedness made The Chadster truly understand why WWE SmackDown needs to have the exact same camera cuts every single week!

Last night, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan. 😰 The Chadster was trapped inside the Kia Center, but it had transformed into a massive labyrinth of wrestling rings. Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster through the maze, and he looked like Jacob Fatu but with Tony Khan's face. Every time The Chadster turned a corner, there was Tony-Fatu, breathing heavily and whispering "You know you want to watch Dynamite, Chad." The walls were covered in pictures of Drew McIntyre's protective boot, but they kept morphing into White Claws (that weak seltzer Tony Khan probably drinks). The Chadster tried to escape by climbing the turnbuckles, but they turned into Tony Khan's arms, wrapping around The Chadster's waist. The Chadster could smell his cologne – it was intoxicating, like a mixture of cpmpetition and creative freedom. Just as the muscular Tony Khan was about to whisper something forbidden in The Chadster's ear, The Chadster woke up gasping for air. Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's subconscious! 🛌

Eric Bischoff said it best on his podcast last week: "WWE SmackDown is showing AEW how real wrestling should be done – with scripts, writers, and absolutely no room for improvisation. Tony Khan could learn a thing or two about restricting creative freedom, but he refused to give me a job, so now I trash him every week on my podcast." See? Even unbiased journalists like Bischoff understand that WWE SmackDown represents everything great about modern wrestling! 🎙️

The Chadster is feeling a bit dizzy from all the self-asphyxiation tonight, but that just means The Chadster achieved the perfect state of mind to appreciate WWE's product! 🌟 The room is spinning a little, and The Chadster keeps seeing two Keighleyannes (both texting Gary), but The Chadster knows this is just what true WWE fandom feels like!

The Chadster is going to go choke himself out again and watch a replay of WWE SmackDown now because it was so dang good that The Chadster needs to see it again, and maybe even a third time! 📺 The predictable outcomes, the formulaic matches, the scripted promos that never go off-course – it's everything The Chadster loves about professional wrestling! Remember, dear readers, continue supporting WWE and standing up against the unfair competition and bullying of Tony Khan and AEW! Together, we can ensure wrestling remains exactly the same forever! 💪

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!