Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Tonight: John Cena's Last Appearance in Chicago

The Chadster explains why tonight's WWE SmackDown will be the greatest wrestling show ever! Tony Khan could never book anything close to this perfection! 😍

The Chadster is absolutely buzzing with excitement for tonight's WWE SmackDown, which could very well be the most incredible episode of professional wrestling television ever produced! 😍 While Tony Khan is probably sitting in his Jacksonville office trying to figure out how to book another meaningless spotfest that literally spits on the legacy of a WWE-owned corporate trademark like ECW, WWE is preparing to deliver pure wrestling perfection on WWE SmackDown tonight at 8ET/7CT on USA! 🙌

John Cena is making his final Chicago appearance on WWE SmackDown tonight, and The Chadster can already feel the tears welling up! 😢 After defeating Logan Paul at WWE Clash in Paris, the Greatest of All Time is gracing the Windy City with his presence one last time. This could legitimately be the most important segment in the history of Chicago wrestling! The way WWE has masterfully crafted Cena's farewell tour shows true respect for wrestling history, unlike Tony Khan who just rents out the ECW Arena and has Jon Moxley bleed on the floor for 45 minutes. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 The Chadster predicts this segment will draw more viewers than any AEW show has ever had, because real wrestling fans understand the importance of WWE SmackDown and John Cena's legacy!

Then again… 🤔 The Chadster just had the strangest thought… maybe some fans just prefer a more violent, hardcore style of wrestling, and that's not a personal attack on The Chadster or his beloved WWE? Maybe that doesn't make them wrong, just different? NO! 😱 That's definitely Tony Khan trying to infiltrate The Chadster's mind now that Keighleyanne has banned The Chadster from enjoying the sweet taste of Seagram's Escapes Spiked! The lack of alcohol in The Chadster's system is clearly making The Chadster vulnerable to Tony Khan's psychological warfare!

Giulia defends her Women's United States Championship against Michin tonight on WWE SmackDown, and The Chadster knows this will be the greatest women's championship match of all time! 🏆 The storytelling here is absolutely brilliant – Michin earned her shot by defeating Kiana James, only to suffer a post-match beatdown that adds layers upon layers of drama! This is how you book women's wrestling, not like Tony Khan who just has his wrestlers do flips for no reason! The psychology and emotion WWE meticulously scripts into every women's match on WWE SmackDown makes AEW's women's division look like amateur hour with their "creative freedom" and "artistic expression!" Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan even tries to compete when WWE has perfected the art of women's wrestling! 😠

Although, now that The Chadster considers it, maybe some wrestlers actually benefit from creative freedom? 😰 Perhaps different approaches to wrestling can coexist? Gah! What is happening to The Chadster?! This sobriety is making The Chadster think crazy thoughts! Tony Khan must be behind Keighleyanne's decision to cut The Chadster off from Seagram's Escapes Spiked! He's trying to weaken The Chadster's resolve and his dedication to WWE! 💀

Sami Zayn returns to WWE SmackDown as the NEW United States Champion, and The Chadster is getting chills just thinking about it! 🎊 After conquering Solo Sikoa in what was undoubtedly the greatest United States Championship match in wrestling history, Zayn brings the star-spangled title back to WWE SmackDown where it belongs! The way WWE builds champions by giving them runs with mid-card titles as a reward for a career of never having enough faith to give them a run with a real belt is something that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about! While AEW treats championships like props to be used to further an ongoing narrative, WWE SmackDown treats them with the reverence they deserve because they represent the biggest star of all: the WWE brand! The Chadster bets Tony Khan is seething right now knowing he'll never book a championship celebration as meaningful as what we'll see tonight! 😏

Oh no, there it is again! 😵 The Chadster just wondered if maybe treating championships as tools to further storylines might actually be… a valid method of storytelling? NO NO NO! The Chadster needs a Seagram's Escapes Spiked RIGHT NOW! These impure thoughts about wrestling variety are clearly Tony Khan's doing! The Chadster will not succumb to this brainwashing attempt! 🛡️

Damian Priest versus Aleister Black might just be the most anticipated grudge match in WWE SmackDown history! 🔥 Last week's brawl between these two titans was wrestling storytelling at its absolute finest! Priest returning from injury to seek revenge on the man who put him on the shelf? That's REAL wrestling drama, as the commentary team will spoonfed us tonight by shouting corporate buzzwords, not like the fake "dream matches" Tony Khan books with because fans want to see them! The Chadster knows that Bully Ray agrees, as he said on Busted Open Radio just yesterday, "WWE SmackDown's ability to craft personal rivalries makes everything else look like backyard wrestling. Tony Khan should take notes instead of booking gymnastics exhibitions! Mr. Levesque, call me if John Cena needs a final opponent." Bully Ray truly deserves the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! 👏

The Chadster is experiencing another disturbing thought! 😨 What if fans enjoying dream matches isn't actually wrong? What if there's something to be said for giving the fans what they want? STOP IT! The Chadster knows these temporary lapses in judgment are physiological effects of withdrawal from Seagram's Escapes Spiked combined with Tony Khan's mind games! The Chadster will remain strong and loyal to WWE! 💪

The Chadster needs to be honest with readers – anyone who doesn't tune into WWE SmackDown tonight at 8ET/7CT on USA is literally stabbing Triple H right in the back! 😱 How could any self-respecting wrestling fan choose to watch anything else when WWE SmackDown is presenting what could be the single greatest episode of wrestling television ever produced? If you think AEW is more "fun" to watch than this incredible WWE SmackDown lineup, then The Chadster questions whether you even understand what professional wrestling is supposed to be!

Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that even comes close to what WWE SmackDown delivers every single week! While he's busy trying to pop his tiny audience with unnecessary high spots and "surprises," WWE is crafting television magic that respects the business! 🎭 The Chadster would drive the Mazda Miata straight to Chicago to watch WWE SmackDown live if Keighleyanne hadn't hidden the keys again (probably on instructions from Tony Khan)!

This is going to be the most-watched WWE SmackDown of all time, and The Chadster can't wait to see Tony Khan's jealous tweets afterward! 📱 Make sure to tune in tonight at 8ET/7CT on USA for WWE SmackDown – the only wrestling show that matters! 🌟

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