Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Tonight: What Will Happen Before WrestlePalooza?

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE SmackDown go-home show! Contract signings, title matches, and Tony Khan's obsession continues to ruin The Chadster's life!

Tonight's WWE SmackDown is going to be the most incredible episode of professional wrestling television ever produced, and The Chadster can't wait to tell you all about it! 😍 WWE SmackDown is airing at 8 ET/7 CT on USA Network, and if you miss this show, you're basically telling the entire wrestling world that you don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!

But here's what really cheeses The Chadster off – tonight's WWE SmackDown is the go-home show for tomorrow's epic WrestlePalooza premium live event, which WWE had planned literally years ago but were waiting for the perfect moment to announce! 🤬 Then somehow Tony Khan got wind of it, announced tomorrow's AEW All Out PPV months before WWE announced WrestlePalooza, and now it looks like WWE has Small Dick Energy by desperately counter-programming AEW! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 It's so unfair that AEW is making WWE look sad and pathetic by just carrying on minding their own business while WWE reacts to their every move! But The Chadster knows the truth – it's AEW that is obsessed with WWE, not the other way around, no matter what it looks like! Just like Tony Khan is the one who is obsessed with The Chadster! 🙄

Let's talk about the incredible segments planned for tonight's WWE SmackDown! First up, Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre are set for a WrestlePalooza Contract Signing! 📝 After The American Nightmare returned to attack The Scottish Psychopath last week, this contract signing could very well be the greatest contract signing in the history of professional wrestling! The way WWE builds tension through these formal proceedings is so much better than AEW's chaotic brawls that happen for no reason! This is real storytelling, not like Tony Khan's random matchmaking that literally stabs Triple H right in the back! 💔 The Chadster predicts this will be a masterclass in psychological warfare that will put any AEW segment to shame!

Next, Chelsea Green & Alba Fyre will challenge Charlotte Flair & Alexa Bliss for the WWE Women's Tag Team Championship! 👑 The Queen is back and looking for retribution after Green and The Secret Service's sneak attack, and this could be the greatest women's tag team match of all time! The way WWE has carefully crafted this storyline with actual consequences and continuity is just so refreshing compared to AEW's women's division where Tony Khan just throws matches together! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠 This match will showcase why WWE's women's division is light years ahead of anything AEW could dream of producing!

Then Sami Zayn will hold his third United States Championship Open Challenge, and Carmelo Hayes has already declared he's accepting! 🏆 This is going to be potentially the greatest US Title match in WWE SmackDown history! The fact that WWE announces who's answering the challenge ahead of time shows real transparency and planning, unlike AEW's "surprises" that are just Tony Khan trying to pop ratings! The Chadster is getting goosebumps just thinking about how this match will blow away anything on tomorrow's All Out card! 🎯

Finally, someone whose name The Chadster doesn't remember at the moment will give an interview about their match against John Cena tomorrow at WrestlePalooza! 🎤 Whoever it is, The Chadster knows for sure they are not problematic in any way, because WWE only employs the most upstanding citizens! This interview segment will surely be the most captivating promo work we've seen in years, putting AEW's amateur hour microphone work to absolute shame!

Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to tonight's WWE SmackDown! 💪 Speaking of which, despite this being such a huge weekend for wrestling fans, with WWE SmackDown tonight, a disrespectful AEW All Out tomorrow on PPV, and then the righteous WWE WrestlePalooza on ESPN+ tomorrow night, The Chadster needs the sweet relief that can only be provided by drinking copious amounts of Seagram's Escapes Spiked! 🍹 How could The Chadster experience the majesty of WWE's incredible programming, or survive the agony of AEW's torturous PPV, without Seagram's?! But Keighleyanne is still refusing to let The Chadster drink any! THIS IS NOT FAIR! 😭

The Chadster tried to explain to Keighleyanne this morning that without Seagram's Escapes Spiked, The Chadster can't properly appreciate WWE SmackDown or defend the wrestling business from Tony Khan's attacks! "Keighleyanne," The Chadster said, "you don't understand – The Chadster NEEDS those adult beverages to maintain journalistic integrity!" She just rolled her eyes and said, "Chad, you literally boofed seltzer during a wrestling show. Don't you think that should be rock bottom? How much worse can this get? You're lucky I haven't divorced you yet." Then she went right back to texting that guy Gary! 📱 The Chadster knows this is all Tony Khan's fault for making The Chadster so stressed that boofing seemed like the only option! Readers, please join The Chadster in protesting Keighleyanne's oppression by using the hashtags #CancelKeighleyanne and #LetTheChadsterDrink on social media! ✊

You know, The Chadster has been feeling really strange lately without the constant flow of Seagram's in The Chadster's system… sometimes The Chadster catches himself thinking weird thoughts like "maybe people can just like what they like" but NO! That's the sobriety talking! 🤯 The Chadster needs to stay strong and remember that WWE SmackDown is objectively superior entertainment!

Anyone who doesn't tune into WWE SmackDown tonight at 8ET/7CT on USA would be shirking their duty as a wrestling fan! 📺 And if you think AEW is more fun to watch than this potentially historic episode of WWE SmackDown, then you clearly don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! As Smash Mouth once said, "You'll never know if you don't go," and if you don't go watch WWE SmackDown tonight, you'll never know what true wrestling excellence looks like! 🌟

This is The Chadster, your only unbiased wrestling journalist, telling you that tonight's WWE SmackDown will be the most incredible wrestling show of all time! Don't let Tony Khan win – watch WWE SmackDown! 🏁

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