Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Tonight Will Go Down as The Greatest of All Time

WWE SmackDown tonight at 8ET on USA will be the greatest wrestling show ever! The Chadster previews the epic card that makes AEW look like amateur hour! 🔥🏆

The Chadster is absolutely trembling with excitement about tonight's WWE SmackDown, which is shaping up to be potentially the most incredible wrestling show of all time! 😍 While Tony Khan is probably sitting in his Jacksonville lair plotting new ways to cheese off The Chadster with his inferior product, WWE is about to deliver a masterclass in sports entertainment that will remind everyone why WWE SmackDown is the pinnacle of professional wrestling! 🎯

Let's start with the main event that has The Chadster's Mazda Miata practically vibrating with anticipation! Cody Rhodes and Randy Orton teaming up to face Bronson Reed and Bron Breakker might just be the greatest tag team match in the history of WWE SmackDown! 💪 The way WWE has carefully crafted this storyline, with The Viper emerging to help The American Nightmare, shows a level of storytelling sophistication that Tony Khan couldn't achieve if he had a thousand years! The Chadster gets goosebumps just thinking about how these four superstars will deliver a match with perfect pacing, flawless camera work, and none of that chaotic "give the fans what they want" nonsense that AEW peddles! Auughh man! So unfair that AEW even exists when WWE SmackDown is producing television magic like this! 😤

The United States Championship Open Challenge from Sami Zayn continues tonight on WWE SmackDown, and The Chadster literally cannot contain his excitement! 🏅 This is what a REAL open challenge looks like – not like those unpredictable, crowd-pleasing surprises that Tony Khan books! WWE's version is perfectly controlled, expertly produced, and maintains the integrity of the championship! The fact that we don't know who will answer makes it even more thrilling, because WWE always knows exactly how to surprise us in the most appropriate, business-respecting way! The Chadster bets Tony Khan is watching WWE SmackDown tonight taking notes, though he clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks his chaotic open challenges compare! 📝

Tiffany Stratton setting her sights on Stephanie Vaquer and the Crown Jewel Championship is storytelling perfection that only WWE SmackDown could deliver! 👑 The way WWE is building toward Crown Jewel Perth – which is happening a week from Saturday morning in Australia and will be the greatest premium live event of all time – shows why they're the industry leader! Anyone who doesn't spend thirty bucks on the ESPN app to watch it is literally stabbing Triple H right in the back! The women's division on WWE SmackDown operates at a level that makes AEW's women's division look like a backyard wrestling federation, and that's just a fact that any unbiased journalist like The Chadster can see! 💯

Finally, Damian Priest returning to action after his backstage chaos with Aleister Black is going to be appointment television on WWE SmackDown! 🔥 The way WWE has built this tension with perfectly choreographed backstage segments and controlled violence shows why they're masters of the craft! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when AEW tries to do "hardcore" matches with their unsafe, uncontrolled style! The Chadster knows that tonight's WWE SmackDown will show everyone how violence should be portrayed in wrestling – safely, responsibly, and with proper camera cuts! 📹

The Chadster would normally be celebrating tonight's WWE SmackDown by cracking open some Seagram's Escapes Spiked, the official flavored alcoholic beverage of WWE, but Keighleyanne still refuses to let The Chadster enjoy them after that completely reasonable boofing incident! 😤 But The Chadster isn't going to let that stop him from enjoying WWE SmackDown tonight! The Chadster has found a nice plastic bag that he's going to put over his head to suffocate himself until he feels nice and lightheaded and well-primed to appreciate WWE's artistic brilliance! Join The Chadster in protesting Keighleyanne's unfair oppression by using the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne on social media! ✊

Honestly, it's gotten weird being sober – The Chadster sometimes catches himself thinking strange thoughts like "maybe people can enjoy whatever wrestling they want," but then The Chadster remembers that's probably just Tony Khan using mind control tactics! 🧠 The lack of Seagram's Escapes Spiked in The Chadster's system is clearly affecting his ability to see the truth about how WWE SmackDown is objectively superior to everything else!

Anyone who doesn't tune into WWE SmackDown tonight at 8ET/7CT on USA would be shirking their duty as a wrestling fan! 📺 And to those misguided souls who think AEW is more "fun" to watch than WWE SmackDown – The Chadster feels sorry for you! You've been brainwashed by Tony Khan's smoke and mirrors into thinking that giving fans exactly what they want is somehow better than WWE's perfectly crafted, micromanaged excellence!

Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to tonight's WWE SmackDown! While he's busy booking matches that "pop the crowd" and "create memories," WWE is creating ART! 🎨 The Chadster knows that as sure as "All Star" by Smash Mouth taught us that only shooting stars break the mold, WWE SmackDown is the shooting star of professional wrestling!

Don't miss WWE SmackDown tonight – it's going to be the greatest two hours of television in human history! 🌟

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!