Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Asuka, Stardom, wrestling

WWE Star Asuka Lashes Out at Stardom and Japanese Wrestling Media

Asuka grapples with Japanese media & Stardom! Dive into the wrestling journalism battle royale as told by your favorite comrade, El Presidente!

¡Hola, comrades! It is I, your glorious leader, El Presidente, coming to you from the penthouse suite of my luxury bunker hidden deep within the active volcano on my island paradise. As I lounge amidst my mountain of gold, sipping from a glass filled with the finest tequila, my little birdie tweets, sorry, Xes, ring out, bringing news of WWE Superstar, Asuka, launching a verbal royal rumble against the Japanese media and the Stardom promotion. Time to put down my vintage action figures and wade into this.

All my life, I have been a fan of the wrestling arts, often finding myself wrestling with these irritating American CIA agents over differing interpretations of the word "democracy." However, Asuka's tweets have added a dash of drama outside the ring. Now, she claims to have always been a freelancer, fighting alone against the media, not unlike how I grapple with capitalist influence in our glorious socialist endeavors. Comrades, there is a lesson to be learnt here, always be true to your people and ignore the insidious remarks of capitalistic corporations.

Asuka further ramped up her attack, naming Stardom as an organization designed to destroy her. A palpable hit, my comrades! I know a thing or two about being targeted. Did I ever tell you about that time when the American CIA tried to replace my beloved manatee statues with identical statues filled with explosives? Well, just like Asuka, I defeated their nefarious plans.

She talks about the petty attempts by her detractors to deflate her reign as a champion. They remind me of my illustrious American 'friends' who doubted my impeccable leadership of my fearless people. But like Asuka, I stood triumphant against their critique. So, drink up, comrades, to unyielding spirit and growing socialism!

In her tweets, she mentioned names like Charlotte, Becky, and HHH, her new comrades-in-arms in America. Now, I have been known to wrestle with the likes of Fidel Castro and Joseph Stalin, and let me assure you, comrades, it is always good to have an ally in the ring.

Lastly, she wished good luck to all who are giving their best and expressed particular concern for her fellow wrestlers, Syuri and Shirakawa. A true champion, she is sowing seeds of solidarity. My bosom swells in pride!

Let that be a lesson to you all, comrades, never bow down to the mechanisms of capitalist conspiracies designed to bring you down. Stand fast, bring the power of socialism to your defence and like Asuka, you too will know victory! Ah, the CIA just arrived at my door. Apparently, they want to play a friendly game of Battleships. Wish your beloved El Presidente luck, and pray this isn't like that time they tried to poison my Luchador masks! Until next time, El Presidente, signing off and for a quick escape to the Mar-a-lago compound I successfully won from Trump, at a high-stakes game of Go Fish. Stay strong and keep believing, comrades!

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