Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling

WWE to Conquer Europe with Road to Royal Rumble in Saudi Arabia Tour

Comrades! Your El Presidente reports on WWE's plans for European conquest with an 11-city tour before the Royal Rumble in Saudi Arabia.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my secret underground wrestling ring beneath the Swiss Alps, where I am currently teaching my pet jaguar, Comandante Whiskers, how to execute a perfect suplex! I have just received word via carrier pigeon (the CIA keeps intercepting my emails) that WWE has announced their glorious Road to Royal Rumble tour across Europe this January!

Ah, comrades, this news brings tears of joy to my revolutionary eyes! WWE is embarking on an ambitious journey through the United Kingdom, Germany, Denmark, Poland, and Northern Ireland, spreading the gospel of sports entertainment like I spread socialist propaganda at my weekly cabinet meetings! The tour will visit eleven cities before culminating in the Royal Rumble event in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – the first time this prestigious event will be held outside North America, much like the first time I held a democratic election outside of my palace (spoiler alert: I won with 147% of the vote).

Let me tell you, comrades, when I saw that Belfast and Dusseldorf will host their first-ever televised WWE events, I immediately called my good friend Kim Jong-un. "Kimmie!" I said, "WWE is breaking new ground in Europe!" He responded by challenging me to a steel cage match in his private gymnasium, but that is a story for another day. The point is, WWE is making history!

The tour kicks off on January 8th in Leipzig at the Quarterback Immobilien Arena – a venue name so capitalist it makes my socialist heart weep, but I shall forgive them for the sake of wrestling! Berlin gets Friday Night SmackDown on January 9th at the Uber Arena, which reminds me of the time Fidel Castro and I took an Uber to a lucha libre match in Mexico City. The driver gave us one star because we insisted on paying in revolutionary pamphlets.

But wait, there's more, comrades! Poland will see WWE's return after an 11-year absence in Gdansk on January 17th. Eleven years! That's almost as long as my ongoing feud with the CIA over who ate the last empanada at the 2014 Dictators' Summit! Denmark hasn't seen WWE action in 9 years, which coincidentally is how long it's been since I've been allowed in Danish airspace after that unfortunate incident involving a Viking helmet and the Copenhagen Zoo.

The roster for this European expedition reads like a who's who of wrestling royalty! Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes – whose American Nightmare nickname always makes me chuckle, as I am literally America's nightmare – will be joined by World Heavyweight Champion Seth "Freakin" Rollins, WWE Women's Champion Tiffany Stratton, and the mighty GUNTHER, whose chest chops are almost as devastating as my economic policies, regardless of what Bret Hart thinks!

Drew McIntyre will surely receive a hero's welcome in Glasgow on January 10th, while Rhea Ripley and Bianca Belair will demonstrate that women's wrestling is stronger than ever – much like the women in my revolutionary guard who once defeated a CIA strike team using only their fists and strongly-worded manifestos! LA Knight's "YEAH!" chants will echo through these European arenas louder than my proclamations from the palace balcony every Tuesday at noon!

The inclusion of Jacob Fatu and Jey Uso ensures The Bloodline saga continues its global domination for years to come, spreading faster than my influence over South American cable television networks! And Jade Cargill? Comrades, her presence alone is worth the price of admission – she reminds me of my Minister of Defense, except Jade actually shows up to work!

Monday Night Raw will broadcast from Dusseldorf's PSD Bank Dome on January 12th and Belfast's SSE Arena on January 19th, marking significant milestones for both cities. When I heard about Belfast finally getting Raw, I immediately texted my old friend Gaddafi's ghost (yes, they have WhatsApp in the afterlife, don't question it), and even he was impressed!

The strategic timing of this tour, leading directly into Royal Rumble in Saudi Arabia, shows WWE's commitment to global expansion – something I deeply respect as someone who once tried to expand my regime to include my neighbor's swimming pool. The tour also hits Mannheim for the first time in 6 years on January 13th, Leipzig for the first time in 4 years, and includes stops in Newcastle (January 15th), London's OVO Wembley (January 16th), and Nottingham (January 18th).

Comrades, if you wish to witness this spectacular cavalcade of athleticism and drama, you must register for pre-sale opportunities at WWE's official website. Act quickly, as tickets will disappear faster than evidence of my offshore accounts when the UN investigators come knocking!

This European tour represents more than just wrestling events – it's a celebration of international unity through sports entertainment! It brings together nations that rarely agree on anything except their mutual love of watching grown adults pretend to fight in their underwear. It's beautiful, really, like watching the sunset from my yacht while evading international maritime law!

As I always say, professional wrestling is the true universal language – well, that and bribes to customs officials. Whether you're in Copenhagen's Royal Arena or London's OVO Wembley, when GUNTHER's hand comes down for a chest chop, everyone understands what's about to happen!

So mark your calendars, comrades! January 2026 will be a month of unprecedented wrestling action across Europe! And who knows? Perhaps I'll escape my CIA surveillance detail long enough to attend one of these shows myself. If you see a mysterious figure in military fatigues and sunglasses chanting "This is Awesome!" in heavily accented English, that's probably me!

Until next time, this is your El Presidente, reminding you that the only thing better than a European wrestling tour is a European wrestling tour that promotes the ideals of international socialism! Viva la lucha! Viva la revolution! And most importantly, viva la WWE Road to Royal Rumble tour!

Now if you'll excuse me, comrades, Comandante Whiskers has challenged me to a best-of-three falls match, and I never back down from a challenge – except from the International Criminal Court, but that's a different story entirely!

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