Marauders #8 is the Wolverine's Weiner X-Pick of the Week

Three X-books out last week: Deadpool #3, Marauders #8, and Wolverine #1. One of them, Wolverine, was double-sized and double-priced, fitting considering Wolverine is double-dicked. Luckily, this recap column is free. Let's find out what happened in last week's X-books…

Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities, but thanks to a corporate merger and a line-wide relaunch, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in all of comics.

Marauders #8 is the Wolverine's Weiner X-Pick of the Week

I recapped three X-books this week. Here's what I thought of them. Click the links for the full recaps:

(W) Kelly Thompson (A) Wayne Faucher, John Livesay, Al Vey, Jaime Mendoza, Victor Olazaba (CA) Tim Townsend (A/CA) Chris Bachalo
• After hunting the monsters of Staten Island, Kraven realizes the most dangerous game is Deadpool!
• With a target on his back and his subjects dropping like flies, what's a king to do?
• They say it's good to be the king, but it looks like Deadpool may be ROYALLY hosed.
Parental Advisory
In Shops: Feb 19, 2020
SRP: $3.99

It's not that the comic was necessarily bad, but it ended really abruptly without really progressing the story any further than last issue. There were lots of what Deadpool fans consider witty banter, which was good enough for what it was, but since the issue ended with Deadpool facing off against Kraven, which is what was happening last issue, the whole thing feels like kind of a waste. What was the point here? Did the creative team forget what they wanted to do and had to kill time as a delaying tactic?I get that decompression is the way of modern comics, but this was too far even by those standards. Comics should ideally contain a full story if you're going to pay a minimum of four bucks for one, but even if they're serialized, it should at least contain a satisfying chunk of story that moves the story along. This issue did not do that by any measure. It was weird.

Read the full recap here.

(W) Gerry Duggan (A) Stefano Caselli (CA) Russell Dauterman
As Verendi's plans against Krakoa grow, the Marauders find themselves missing something vital… something that brings Storm and the White Queen to blows. Artist Stefano Caselli (AVENGERS, AMAZING SPIDER-MAN) joins the crew of the craziest X-series of them al!
Rated T+
In Shops: Feb 19, 2020
SRP: $3.99

Marauders delayed letting the X-Men find out about Kate's death for an entire issue, but it was worth the wait. Emma's reaction, falling to the ground, shows how much she's grown to like Kate, calling back to a long history between the two that's mostly been adversarial before Emma finally managed to land the mentorship role she's been trying to get for decades since she attempted to recruit Kate for her school.  Iceman has been having the time of his life since joining the Marauders, but seeing him switch into murder mode was appropriate and powerful here. And then, of course, there's Storm, who has always had a sort of mother/daughter relationship with Kate. I wouldn't have been surprised to see her fry Emma with a bolt of lightning, but she bonded with her in a tender moment instead. This is the kind of emotional drama that's the heart of great X-Men comics.

Then there's Sebastian Shaw, perhaps the most hateable villain in all the X-books right now. His comeuppance should be gratifying.

Of course, everyone is working under the assumption that Kate can be resurrected… will that be the case, considering that Krakoan gates won't accept her? That, we'll have to find out.

Read the full recap here.

(W) Ben Percy (A) Viktor Bogdanovic (A/CA) Adam Kubert
Wolverine been through a lot. He's been a loner. He's been a killer. He's been a hero. He's been an Avenger. He's been to hell and back. Now, as the nation of Krakoa brings together all Mutantkind, he can finally be… happy? With his family all together and safe, Wolverine has everything he ever wanted… and everything to lose. Writer Benjamin Percy (X-FORCE, WOLVERINE: THE LONG NIGHT) and legendary artist Adam Kubert (X-MEN, AVENGERS) bring the best there is to his new home! PLUS: The return of OMEGA RED!
Parental Advisory
In Shops: Feb 19, 2020
SRP: $7.99

Good? It was okay. If I had to come up with one word to describe it, it would be: exhausting. The first story basically retread a bunch of Wolverine tropes, with him accidentally killing the X-Men and losing his memories. It really felt like an extra X-Force story, and I'm just not sure we need two ongoing X-Force comics. The second story was better, not just because it had a satisfying beginning, middle, and end (though that's a big part of it), but also because it was the kind of story that's unique to Wolverine without retreading old ground. It's the kind of story that wouldn't seem out of place serialized into 8 parts in an old issue of Marvel Comics Presents (and isn't it too bad Marvel blew the relaunch of that so badly?). If this issue consisted of that story alone and cost half the price, it would have won the week, but the first story made it feel bloated rather than worth double the price of a regular Marvel Comic (which is already too much money).

It was an odd choice not to pay off the St. Julian story though. Were they hoping to reveal the conclusion to a centuries-old story in another issue? Or were they counting on people to Google it? Neither is a satisfactory reason to include an unfinished story in the issue though. We never did learn how St. Julian redeemed himself, so I looked it up online. Apparently, he started a hospital as penance and helped a leper who was actually a messenger from God who forgave him, an ending which frankly didn't live up to the hype.

Read the full recap here.

Wolverine's Weiner X-Pick of the Week

Deadpool #3 was too damn short. Wolverine #1 was too damn long. But just like in the story of the three bears — not the ones who wipe their asses with Charmin that Matthew Rosenberg wants to kill, the ones who ate Goldilocks — Marauders #3 was just right!

Marauders #8 is the Wolverine's Weiner X-Pick of the Week

Congratulations to the creative team on this honor.

Past weiner winners:

The Wolverine's Weiner X-Pick of the Week is an award decided by my whims, not by any rule-based scientific process. It's whichever X-Men comic provides me with the most satisfying feeling, like a tubular cased meat product grilled on a fuzzy Canadian's adamantium claws on a hot Summer day. So you're welcome to disagree and post your opinions in the comments.

Also, before someone asks in the comments again, yes I am aware that the more common spelling is "wiener." But "weiner" is also an accepted spelling according to the dictionary.  Who am I going to trust more? Some jackass in the comments section, or the dictionary? Besides, you know who would have spelled it "Wolverine's Wiener" if he were alive today? Hitler. I rest my case.

Farewell, Dan Didio

Yeah, I know this has nothing to do with the X-Men, but it's my column, so f**k you. Over the years, I've had a lot of fun mocking Dan Didio. Around 2012-2014, DC Comics under Didio's leadership was a nonstop wellspring of stupidity on which to base articles on back at The Outhouse. I have no idea what the guy is like in real life, but the bumbling buffoon I lampooned in my articles… well, I kinda grew to like that guy. Now that Didio's gone from DC, I think I… miss him? Thanks for all the good times, Dan Didio. If you hadn't blacklisted The Outhouse for making too many jokes about you, I probably wouldn't be where I am today.

Now please get a job at Marvel so I can have another decade of great article material.

That's all for now. See you next week!

Read more X-ual Healing here:

Marauders #8 is the Wolverine's Weiner X-Pick of the Week

About Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!