The Magik/Gorgon Buddy Comedy We Need Right Now – Marauders #14 [XH]

Well, last week was an… interesting week, wasn't it? Believe it or not, Marvel Comics still put out four X-books last week: X-Men, Marauders, Wolverine, and Deadpool. And even though some portion of the proceeds, by way of profits shared with Ike Perlmutter, went to support Donald Trump's reelection campaign, he still lost! Well, I guess Ike's money can go to pay for the legal challenges now. It's a whole new world out there, but it's always the same old @#$% at Marvel. Won't you read about it with me?


Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities. Still, thanks to a corporate merger, a line-wide relaunch, and Jonathan Hickman's giant ego, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in all of comics for lovers of soap opera drama.

The Magik/Gorgon Buddy Comedy We Need Right Now – Marauders #14 [XH]

[MULTINAV]


The cover to Marauders #14
The cover to Marauders #14

MARAUDERS #14 XOS
SEP200537
(W) Gerry Duggan, Ben Percy (A) Stefano Caselli (CA) Russell Dauterman
A toast. A dance. A dinner served: Part I
Rated T+
In Shops: Nov 04, 2020
SRP: $3.99

Marauders #14 Recap

We're now on the thirteenth part of this twenty-two part crossover, so I know you all probably have the same concern: that Marvel doesn't get into the action too quickly. Well, I've got good news. It looks like the fighting still isn't starting yet because this issue opens with a menu for a dinner all the sword bearers are gonna eat before the X of Swords tournament starts. Phew!

Note: one of the dishes is braised in squid urine, which makes me wonder if Rick Remender has secretly returned to the X-books.

Jim Jaspers is dispatched to go grocery shopping as the champions of Krakoa and Arrako gather outside the dining hall at the Starlight Citadel and mingle. Storm makes friends with Death. War is kind of an asshole. One of the Krakoan sword bearers — I think it's Stratos from He-Man — bullies Cypher. Wolverine is brooding because he's gonna attempt to do something at the dinner, presumably to try to kill someone. Pogg Ur-Pogg is being amusing. Magik is being sarcastic.

The doors open, and Saturnyne greets her guests. She says there are no hostilities allowed until tomorrow. The rulers of the various Otherworld kingdoms in attendance are introduced: Jim Jaspers, Roma, Vesperidae, Famine, and… well, Famine is bored with introductions, so Saturnyne stops. Wait, can we pull that same card with the crossover? Just get on with it, already!

Wolverine finds Brian Braddock and lectures him on not giving Saturnyne what she craved a few issues ago his dick. Wolverine says that if Braddock had slept with Saturnyne like she wanted, then maybe people wouldn't have to die. Betsy Braddock says Brian is loyal to his wife. Wolverine doesn't want to hear that crap, especially now that double-dicked three-way relationships are all the rage on Krakoa.

Marauders #14 [XH]
A scene from Marauders #14
Magik and Gorgon discuss strategy and look for weaknesses in their opponents. They can't figure out Isca the Unbeaten's, so they try to figure out which hand she favors by pretending to drop their wine glasses. She catches them both, proving she's ambidextrous. When she tries the same thing, Magik uses her powers to open a portal, so the glasses fall right into their hands.

Because it's not like space is at a premium in this overly-long, drawn-out crossover, we get a page from Jim Jaspers' notebook complaining about issues with the catering and then talking some trash about the X-Men. Then Storm dances underwater with Death, who wants to have sex with her. She's friend zones him, though.

Finally, Saturnyne announces it's time to eat. Wolverine makes a scene, though. He yells at her (while War slips poison in his food). Wolverine finally does what he does best: stabs Saturnyne with his claws. The issue ends on that cliffhanger.

While I've been growing more and more annoyed with how long this crossover is dragging out, I have to admit this issue of Marauders was pretty amusing. Seeing the calculations of the dinner guests as they size up their opponents was interesting, and I would read an ongoing series that was just Magik and Gorgon going to parties and talking shit about everyone there behind their backs. Since this ended on a cliffhanger, I'm guessing there's, at minimum, one more issue before the actual tournament starts, and I'm still entirely unconvinced that they can wrap this up in the remaining allotted issues given the pace this story has been moving so far.


Read more X-ual Healing here:

The Magik/Gorgon Buddy Comedy We Need Right Now – Marauders #14 [XH]

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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