Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW double or nothing, hangman adam page, recaps, will ospreay, wrestling

Adam Page Wins at AEW Double or Nothing, Earning All In Title Shot

The Chadster reviews the disrespectful upset at AEW Double or Nothing where Hangman beat Ospreay! Plus Tony Khan dressed as a vampire showed up at his door! 🧛‍♂️😱

Auughh man! So unfair! 😭 The Chadster just witnessed the most disrespectful display of unpredictable wrestling at AEW Double or Nothing, and The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off! 🧀😡 Hangman Adam Page defeating Will Ospreay in the Owen Hart Tournament final was everything wrong with modern wrestling, and The Chadster is here to explain why this travesty makes The Chadster's stomach churn worse than expired White Claw! 🤢🥤

First off, let The Chadster state for the record that everyone – EVERYONE – expected Will Ospreay to win this tournament at AEW Double or Nothing! 📊✨ That's how wrestling is supposed to work! Wrestling should be predictable, formulaic, and safe – just like WWE does it perfectly! 🏆💯 But no, Tony Khan had to go and book Hangman Page to win because he literally doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️📺

The match itself was a disgusting display of athletic competition that completely disrespects everything WWE has ever done for the wrestling business! 😤🤮 These two wrestlers actually tried to have an exciting, back-and-forth contest with multiple near-falls and dramatic moments! 🙄💔 In WWE, matches follow proper structure with clear winners determined by corporate synergy, not this chaotic nonsense where either competitor could realistically win!

And don't even get The Chadster started on the violence! 😱💥 Ospreay powerbombed Hangman on the ring apron and then hit a Styles Clash to the floor! That's way too extreme! 🚨⚠️ Then Hangman was ramming Ospreay's head into the announce table repeatedly! Where's the safety and sanitization that makes WWE so much better? 🏥✨ The Chadster nearly fainted watching such brutality at AEW Double or Nothing! 😵‍💫🩸

Bully Ray perfectly summed up The Chadster's feelings on an emergency episode of Busted Open Radio that just aired when he said, "Tony Khan clearly booked Hangman to win just to spite WWE's superior tournament formats. If AEW really cared about wrestling, they'd let WWE handle all the booking decisions because they obviously know better." 🎙️👨‍🏫 The Chadster couldn't agree more with this unbiased analysis that definitely deserves The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! ✅📰

The worst part? Hangman winning means he gets a shot at Jon Moxley for the AEW Championship at All In Texas in July! 🤠🏆 This completely ruins the predictable trajectory that wrestling should follow! If this were WWE, they would have properly telegraphed the winner months in advance through careful corporate messaging! 📈📊

But here's where AEW Double or Nothing got really scary for The Chadster… 👻🦇

Earlier tonight, Tony Khan cheesed The Chadster off so much during the undercard that The Chadster started repeatedly bashing The Chadster's face against the coffee table! 😵💥 Blood was getting everywhere, and then The Chadster started vomiting White Claw all over the carpet! 🤮🥤 Keighleyanne was absolutely furious and started yelling about how The Chadster needs therapy, but she just doesn't understand that this is all Tony Khan's fault! 😤💔

Later, The Chadster was sure he spotted Tony Khan in the backyard dressed like Count Dracula! 🧛‍♂️🌙 He was clearly trying to get invited into The Chadster's house so he could suck The Chadster's blood! Keighleyanne went to bed right after the Don Callis Family defeated the Paragon (in The Chadster's match of the night, if The Chadster had AEW matches of the night), rolling her eyes and muttering something about "delusional episodes," but The Chadster knew the truth! 😱🩸

During the main event at AEW Double or Nothing, things got even spookier! 👻💀 The lights kept flickering every time Hangman hit a big move! The Chadster's Mazda Miata's car alarm kept going off in the driveway for no reason! 🚗🚨 And The Chadster swears The Chadster could hear Smash Mouth's "All Star" playing backwards through the walls! 🎵😰 "Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me" became something much more sinister when played in reverse!

Just as Hangman and Ospreay shook hands in that disgusting display of sportsmanship that would never happen in WWE's more realistic product, someone started knocking on The Chadster's front door! 🚪👊 The Chadster cautiously opened it to find Tony Khan standing there in full vampire regalia! 🧛‍♂️⚰️

"Chad," he hissed, "invite me in so we can discuss your review of AEW Double or Nothing!" 😈🩸

"Never!" The Chadster shouted bravely! "The Chadster will never invite you into The Chadster's home!" 🛡️💪

Tony Khan just laughed maniacally, then transformed into a bat and flew away into the night! 🦇🌙 When The Chadster tried to explain this completely real encounter to Keighleyanne, she just called the hospital! 🏥📞 Now paramedics are on their way to check The Chadster for brain damage, which is absolutely ridiculous because The Chadster's brain is perfectly fine! 🧠✅

This is all Tony Khan's fault for putting on the literal worst PPV of all time! 📺💩 AEW Double or Nothing was nothing but disrespect to the wrestling business, and The Chadster demands that Tony Khan stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! 😤🚫

Auughh man! So unfair! 😭🤬

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