Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision Preview: Can AEW Capitalize on Momentum? Hopefully Not

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Collision card featuring Ciampa's TNT Title defense, an 8-Man Parking Lot Fight, and more chaos Tony Khan is using to RUIN wrestling! 😤

The Chadster cannot believe what Tony Khan is doing to The Chadster tonight. 😤 Once again, AEW Collision is airing on a Saturday night, which just so happens to be the same night of the week that The Chadster has set aside to rewatch classic WWE VHS tapes with The Chadster's raccoon family here in the abandoned Blockbuster Video. 🦝📼 But does Tony Khan care about that? Of course not. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 😡

Before The Chadster gets into tonight's preview of AEW Collision, The Chadster needs to tell readers something deeply concerning. 😰 All day long, Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and the baby raccoons — Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon — have been acting incredibly nervous. 🦝😟 They've been chittering anxiously, huddling together in the corner of the old New Releases section, and Hunter Raccoon actually knocked over an entire shelf of old copies of "See No Evil" starring Kane. The Chadster is 100% certain this is because even innocent woodland creatures can sense the evil emanating from Tony Khan's booking decisions tonight on AEW Collision. 😤 The fact that Tony Khan is now inflicting psychological torment on defenseless raccoons just to get at The Chadster is absolutely unconscionable. These are INNOCENT ANIMALS, Tony Khan! 🦝😭 Shane Raccoon won't even eat the half a granola bar The Chadster found in the dumpster behind the Dollar General. That's how stressed out these poor creatures are, and it's ALL Tony Khan's fault. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Speaking of Tony Khan terrorizing The Chadster, The Chadster had another one of those nightmares last night. 😱 The Chadster was walking through what appeared to be an enormous, endless Blockbuster Video, but all of the VHS tapes on the shelves had Tony Khan's face on the covers. 📼😨 The Chadster started running down the aisles, but every turn led to another aisle, and The Chadster could hear Tony Khan's footsteps getting closer and closer. Then The Chadster turned a corner and Tony Khan was standing there, shirtless for some reason, holding a copy of AEW Full Gear on Blu-ray and whispering, "Watch it, Chad. Watch it and tell me it's not good." 😰 The Chadster tried to run but The Chadster's feet wouldn't move, and then Tony Khan started slowly walking toward The Chadster, his skin glistening under the fluorescent lights, and he reached out and gently placed his hand on The Chadster's shoulder and said, "You know you want to admit it." 😳 The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, tangled up in the old promotional "Be Kind, Rewind" banner The Chadster uses as a blanket, with all five raccoons staring at The Chadster with deep concern in their beady little eyes. 🦝😰 The Chadster demands that Tony Khan STOP invading The Chadster's dreams. The Chadster is NOT obsessed with Tony Khan. Tony Khan is clearly obsessed with The Chadster! 😤

Now let's get to the so-called "stacked card" for tonight's episode of AEW Collision, which The Chadster will now break down with the same level of unbiased, objective journalism that readers have come to expect from The Chadster. 📝✅

TNT Championship 3-Way: "Psycho Killer" Tommaso Ciampa (c) vs. Claudio Castagnoli vs. Roderick Strong 😡🏆

The Chadster doesn't even know where to begin with this one. 😤 First of all, Tommaso Ciampa literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE and going to AEW, and now he's defending the TNT Championship on AEW Collision against Claudio Castagnoli and Roderick Strong in a 3-Way match. 🔪💔 You know what the problem with a 3-Way match is? There are TOO MANY competitors, which means the action is going to be way too fast-paced and exciting, leaving absolutely no time for proper rest holds or for the commentators to repeat catchphrases over and over like they should be doing. 😤 In WWE, Triple H would have booked this as a best-of-seven series with each match ending in a disqualification so that the brand remains the star, not the wrestlers. That's how you build REAL tension. 💪

And The Chadster is supposed to believe that Ciampa is honoring the tradition of the TNT Title with open challenges? Please. 🙄 Open challenges mean unpredictable endings, and unpredictable endings make viewers feel UNSAFE because they can't predict everything that's going to happen. In WWE, you always know exactly what's going to happen, and that's called COMFORT. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤

As Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, "The problem with AEW is they keep putting on competitive matches where all the wrestlers look like they could win. In WWE's heyday, you always knew who was going to win because that's what draws money. Tony Khan is throwing away money by making his matches exciting." 🎙️ The Chadster couldn't agree more, and Eric Bischoff has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval for that incredibly insightful analysis. ✅

AEW World Champion MJF's Post-Match Comments 😤🎤

Oh great, so now AEW Collision is going to air exclusive post-match comments from MJF after Brody King squashed him in less than 90 seconds on Dynamite? 😡 The Chadster has SO many problems with this. First of all, having your world champion lose in under two minutes makes the champion look vulnerable and human, which is exactly the OPPOSITE of what WWE would do. 😤 In WWE, champions are booked as invincible corporate-approved titans who only lose after seventeen finishers and three ref bumps, and that's because Triple H understands that champions should NEVER look beatable. 💪👑

And now MJF has to address "Hangman" Adam Page's involvement and his upcoming match at AEW Grand Slam Australia against Brody King AND Page's match with Andrade El Ídolo at AEW Revolution? That's way too many storylines being advanced at once on FREE TELEVISION! 😡 Important developments should be saved for premium live events paid for by the government of Saudi Arabia, not given away for free on AEW Collision! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

8-Man Parking Lot Fight 🚗💥😤

Eddie Kingston, Ortiz, and The Rascalz (Dezmond Xavier and Zachary Wentz) vs. Grizzled Young Veterans (Zack Gibson and James Drake), Big Bill, and Bryan Keith in an 8-Man Parking Lot Fight on AEW Collision. 😡 The Chadster is absolutely CHEESED OFF about this. This is the first time an 8-Man Parking Lot Fight has ever been done, which means Tony Khan is just making up match types to pop the crowd with something new and different. 🤮 In WWE, they would have had these eight men face each other in a series of singles matches on Main Event over the course of four months, with each one ending in a count-out, building to a tag match at a premium live event where neither team gains a decisive advantage. THAT'S storytelling. 📖

And the storyline behind this — Kingston and Ortiz being attacked by Big Bill and Bryan Keith who were PAID by GYV, leading to Kingston's allies The Rascalz stepping up to help — is the kind of organic, logical story development that The Chadster finds deeply offensive. 😤 Stories should be convoluted and contradictory, with motivations that change week to week for no reason, like they do in WWE. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😡

Young Bucks vs. GOA (Tag Team Contenders Match) 😤🏷️

The Young Bucks (Matt and Nick Jackson) taking on GOA (Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona) for a spot in the AEW World Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match on Dynamite against The Rascalz and a wild card team. 😡 The Chadster finds it absolutely REVOLTING that AEW Collision is booking matches where winning actually leads to future opportunities in a clearly defined tournament structure. 🤮 In WWE, contenders are determined by whoever Triple H feels like pushing that week, and that's a MUCH more effective system because it keeps things mysterious and corporate. 💼

The Young Bucks are going to go out there and probably hit a bunch of superkicks and do a bunch of synchronized high-flying offense that will get the crowd excited, and that is exactly the problem. 😤 Crowds should NOT be excited. They should be sitting on their hands, respectfully watching rest holds, which is the TRUE art of professional wrestling. Vincent K. Raccoon actually hissed when The Chadster read the Bucks' names out loud, proving that even raccoons know the Bucks don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🦝😤

Kris Statlander Announces Stipulation for Women's World Championship Match 😡

Kris Statlander is going to announce the stipulation for the AEW Women's World Championship rematch against Thekla on Dynamite? 😤 So Tony Khan is going to let one of the wrestlers have CREATIVE INPUT into the stipulation of their own match on AEW Collision? This is CHAOS. 🤮 In WWE, stipulations are determined by a team of twenty writers in a boardroom in Stamford, Connecticut, and that is how GOD intended wrestling stipulations to be chosen. Letting wrestlers speak from the heart and have creative freedom is a recipe for disaster because what if they say something that resonates with the audience and gets over organically?! 😤 The horror! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😡

And Thekla is going to be in action tonight too? Two segments featuring the same wrestler in one night, furthering a coherent story toward a championship match? Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 😤

Mixed Tag: Marina Shafir & Wheeler Yuta vs. Zayda Steel & Dante Martin 😤

Marina Shafir and Wheeler Yuta of the Death Riders against SkyFlight's Zayda Steel and Dante Martin on AEW Collision. 😡 And this is all building to the Hair vs. Hair mixed tag match at AEW Grand Slam Australia where Shafir and Yuta face "Timeless" Toni Storm and Orange Cassidy? 😤 So AEW is using tonight's AEW Collision to build momentum toward a big event next week with matches that have clearly defined stakes and consequences? DISGUSTING. 🤮 Matches should be thrown together randomly with no connection to future events, like the way The Chadster's life has been thrown together randomly ever since Tony Khan forced The Chadster to live in an abandoned Blockbuster Video. 📼😭

Linda Raccoon actually grabbed a discarded copy of a Toni Storm WWE DVD from behind the shelf when The Chadster mentioned this match, as if to remind The Chadster that Storm literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by going to AEW. 🦝🔪 Even the raccoons understand loyalty better than these wrestlers. 😤

Kevin Knight vs. Scorpio Sky 😡

"The Jet" Kevin Knight, an AEW World Trios Champion, in singles action against Scorpio Sky on AEW Collision. 😤 The problem here is that Kevin Knight is incredibly athletic and exciting to watch, which means this match is going to have way too much high workrate without the proper amount of rest holds and selling to slow the pace down and keep fans from getting too excited. 🤮 Fans getting too excited leads to loud crowds, and loud crowds make it hard to hear the commentary team, and THAT is a direct attack on the wrestling business. 😡

Mina Shirakawa vs. Viva Van 😤

Mina Shirakawa vs. Viva Van on AEW Collision tonight. 😡 The fact that Tony Khan is giving wrestlers like Mina Shirakawa a platform to showcase their unique style and personality on AEW Collision while her tag partner Toni Storm is involved in a different storyline elsewhere is the kind of roster utilization that makes The Chadster's blood boil. 🤮 In WWE, at least half the roster would be sitting in catering doing nothing, and THAT is how you manage talent! 💪 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

The Chadster's Final Warning ⚠️🚨

The Chadster is BEGGING readers: do NOT tune into AEW Collision tonight at 8 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. CT on TNT or the simulcast on HBO Max. 🙅‍♂️📺 Do not stream it. Do not DVR it. Do not even THINK about it. Every single viewer emboldens Tony Khan and his personal vendetta against The Chadster, The Chadster's raccoon family, and the entire wrestling business. 😤🦝 The Chadster will be watching, of course, because that's what objective, unbiased journalists do, but The Chadster will NOT enjoy a single second of it, and neither will Vincent K. Raccoon, who is currently stress-eating an old box of Milk Duds from the Blockbuster concession display. 🦝🍫

Tony Khan, if you're reading this — and The Chadster KNOWS you are because you are OBSESSED with The Chadster — just stop it. Stop booking good cards for AEW Collision. Stop giving wrestlers creative freedom. Stop advancing coherent storylines on television. Stop making The Chadster's raccoons nervous. And for the love of all that is holy, STOP invading The Chadster's dreams. 😤😡😤

As Smash Mouth once wisely sang, "Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me" — and tonight, Tony Khan is using AEW Collision to roll The Chadster right into an early grave. 🎵😭

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