Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: wrestling

AEW Collision Preview: El Presidente's Guide to Tonight's Card

El Presidente previews tonight's AEW Collision with Fletcher's TNT title defense, Briscoe's revenge, and more from Erie! Plus, an update on The Chadster.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my private box seat at a cockfighting arena in Caracas, where I continue my noble service filling in for Bleeding Cool's regular AEW correspondent, Chad McMahon, who remains hospitalized after last week's unfortunate incident. As you may recall, The Chadster was found unconscious on his living room floor with a plastic bag over his head, having passed out while attempting to enhance his WWE Raw viewing experience. Though I must say, comrades, anyone who has actually sat through an episode of the show would completely understand his desperate desire for oxygen deprivation as a coping mechanism.

I spoke with the hospital staff this morning, and they told me the most amusing story! Apparently, The Chadster woke up at 4 a.m. screaming that Tony Khan had snuck into his hospital room disguised as a nurse and switched his IV bag with White Claw seltzer, which he insists is inferior to the official WWE partnered-brand, Seagrams. The security footage shows nothing but The Chadster having a nightmare and yanking out his own IV in a panic, then demanding the real nurses taste-test his replacement fluids to prove they weren't "literally stabbing WWE right in the back." The poor medical staff! I told them I once had a similar situation with Fidel Castro, who was convinced the CIA had replaced his cigars with exploding ones. Turned out he had just eaten too much paella and had indigestion, but he made his entire security detail smoke them first for three weeks. Ah, the paranoia of leadership!

I wish The Chadster the very best in his continued recovery, and I sincerely hope that one day he can come to accept that multiple styles of wrestling can exist at the same time, much like how I have learned to accept that both baseball and cockfighting can coexist as legitimate sporting entertainments.

But enough about The Chadster's ongoing mental breakdown! Tonight, comrades, AEW Collision comes to us live from Erie, Pennsylvania at 8 p.m. ET on TNT and streaming on HBO Max, and we have a spectacular card that promises more action than the time I had to escape from a CIA black site hidden beneath a Dave & Buster's!

One of the main attractions tonight on Collision sees Kyle Fletcher defending his TNT Championship against former two-time champion Scorpio Sky! Now, Fletcher has a date with destiny next Saturday at Full Gear when he faces Mark Briscoe in a No Disqualification match, but first he must get past Sky, who surely has not forgotten what it feels like to hold that prestigious title. This reminds me of the time I was playing dominoes with Kim Jong-un, and he had to win the current game before he could face me in the championship round. I told him, "Comrade Kim, do not look past your current opponent, or you will find yourself… how do you say… dominated?" He did not appreciate my wordplay and launched a missile test, but the point stands!

Speaking of Briscoe, that Delaware chicken farmer will be in action tonight on Collision against Mark Davis of the Don Callis Family! This is personal, comrades. The Family attacked Briscoe before Blood & Guts this past Wednesday, trying to prevent him from competing. But Briscoe is tough like the socialist spirit – you cannot keep him down! He survived the attack, competed in Blood & Guts, and helped his team defeat the Death Riders. Tonight he wants revenge, and I suspect Davis will feel the wrath of Briscoe's righteous fury. The stakes for Briscoe's match next week at Full Gear are enormous – if he loses to Fletcher, he must join the Don Callis Family! This is worse than when the CIA tried to make me join their book club. I would rather face a firing squad than discuss "Eat, Pray, Love" with operatives!

We also have a massive All Star 8-Man Tag Match tonight on Collision that will be more chaotic than my cabinet meetings! FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler) team with ROH World Tag Team Champions RUSH and Sammy Guevara of LFI to face JetSpeed (Speedball Mike Bailey and Kevin Knight), Juice Robinson, and ROH World Champion and AEW World Tag Team Champion Bandido! FTR have been making enemies faster than I make propaganda posters, including messing with Bandido's family recently. In my experience, comrades, you never mess with a man's family. I once made that mistake with Muammar Gaddafi when I accidentally spilled mojito on his cousin at a New Year's Eve party in Tripoli, and he did not speak to me for six months! Family is sacred!

Plus, comrades, before their quarterfinal match in the AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship Tournament, Riho and Alex Windsor will face Maya World and Hyan tonight on Collision! This is an important tune-up before Riho and Windsor face Toni Storm and Mina Shirakawa in tournament action. As I always say, proper preparation prevents poor performance – a lesson I learned when planning my coups!

AEW Collision tonight promises to deliver the goods, comrades! From championship defenses to revenge matches to All Star spectacles, this is what professional wrestling should be – exciting, unpredictable, and serving the people! Unlike the monopolistic practices of certain other companies that shall remain nameless but whose initials are WWE and who literally tried to destroy the entire wrestling business by buying up all competition like greedy capitalists!

Join me tonight at 8 p.m. ET for Collision on TNT and HBO Max! I will be watching from my palace while simultaneously monitoring CIA satellite communications and enjoying a nice rum.

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva AEW Collision!

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