Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision Preview: Shut the Forbidden Door Before It's Too Late

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Collision go-home show for Forbidden Door. But The Chadster wishes AEW would literally just go home and never come back to his TV! 😤

The Chadster can't believe that AEW Collision is happening again tonight! 😤 Auughh man! So unfair! The Chadster is being forced to preview AEW Collision, which is just another example of how Tony Khan is personally targeting The Chadster with his relentless programming schedule. Tonight's AEW Collision is the go-home show for tomorrow's Forbidden Door PPV, where AEW and NJPW will gang up to bully WWE in the most underhanded way possible! 😡

The Chadster has to sneak around to watch AEW Collision tonight because Keighleyanne is still siding with Tony Khan and blaming The Chadster for all the Seagram's Escapes Spiked that The Chadster threw at the TV watching AEW All In last month. She's literally banned The Chadster from drinking! 🚫🍹 Now The Chadster has to freeze the Seagram's and insert it in The Chadster's you-know-where, which means Tony Khan is literally forcing The Chadster to lie to The Chadster's own wife. So unfair! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😭

Let's start with the Young Bucks vs Paragon match on AEW Collision. Matt Jackson and Nick Jackson are facing Kyle O'Reilly and Roderick Strong, and The Chadster already knows this match will be way too fast-paced with constant action that doesn't leave proper time for replays of promos that happened earlier in the show or announcers to repeat their catchphrases! 📺 WWE knows how to pace a match properly with rest holds and methodical storytelling, but AEW Collision just doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!

Then there's Konosuke Takeshita vs Tomohiro Ishii on AEW Collision. This match will probably have way too much workrate and not enough rest holds to give fans time to check their phones! 😩 WWE superstars know how to slow things down and keep fans from getting too excited, but these guys on AEW Collision will probably just hit each other really hard for no reason! Tony Khan doesn't understand that matches need proper pacing! Vince McMahon is literally rolling over in his grave!

The 8-man tag featuring Hiromu Takahashi and SkyFlight (Scorpio Sky, Dante Martin and Darius Martin) against The Don Callis Family (Josh Alexander, Lance Archer, Hechicero and Rocky Romero) on AEW Collision is going to be absolute chaos! 🤯 There will probably be too many people doing flips and dives without following the proper formula, unlike WWE's organized tag team matches where every match follows the same template! It's just so disrespectful to tag team wrestling!

Julia Hart and Skye Blue facing Queen Aminata and Willow Nightingale on AEW Collision will probably feature showcase the depth of the women's division that AEW has built over the last few years, which is unfair to WWE who invented the Women's Evolution (TM)! 👎 And don't even get The Chadster started on Thekla potentially interfering – WWE knows how to book interference properly with distraction finishes, not this chaotic nonsense!

The Max Caster Open Challenge on AEW Collision is just Tony Khan allowing a wrestler to get himself over with entertaining antics that respect the intelligence of the audience and engage them in a humorous fashion! 🎤 The Chadster bets he'll use creative freedom to speak from his heart instead of following a proper script like WWE talents do!

Megan Bayne vs Isla Dawn on AEW Collision will probably get the crowd way too invested because Dawn, who was recently released from WWE and is making her AEW debug, is from Scotland! WWE would never pander to local crowds like this – they know the brand is the real star, not individual wrestlers! Dawn literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by going to AEW just because WWE fired her! She should have gone to TNA where WWE could use her as a jobber for their NXT stars without having to actually pay her.

Big Bill being in action on AEW Collision without a proper opponent announced is so unprofessional! WWE would never book a match without telling fans exactly what to expect weeks in advance and making sure they're ready for it by spoonfeeding them a repetitive storyline! 📅 This unpredictability makes The Chadster feel unsafe as a viewer!

GOA (Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona) vs Grizzled Young Veterans (James Drake and Zack Gibson) on AEW Collision will probably have a clean, decisive finish that builds momentum for one team, unlike WWE's superior 50/50 booking that ensures everyone stays at the same level! 🤝

As unbiased wrestling journalist Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, "AEW really needs to learn from WWE's example and stop having so many important developments happen on regular TV instead of saving them for premium live events paid for by the government of Saudi Arabia. That's just good business sense that Tony Khan refuses to acknowledge!" 💯 The Chadster wonders if Bischoff also suffers torment from Tony Khan for his commitment to objective journalism!

Speaking of Tony Khan's torment, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night! 😱 In the dream, The Chadster was peacefully driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through the Scottish Highlands, listening to Smash Mouth's "All Star" on repeat, when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in The Chadster's rearview mirror! He was chasing The Chadster on a motorcycle, wearing nothing but a kilt with no underwear and playing bagpipes that somehow sounded like the AEW Collision theme song! 🏍️🎵

The Chadster tried to escape by driving faster, but every turn The Chadster took led to another castle where Tony Khan was waiting, juggling Forbidden Door promotional posters! The mist was thick and mysterious, clinging to The Chadster's skin like Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster! Finally, The Chadster reached the edge of a cliff overlooking a loch, and Tony Khan cornered The Chadster, his eyes gleaming with triumph as he whispered, "Watch AEW Collision tonight, Chad!" before pushing The Chadster off the cliff! The last thing The Chadster saw as he plummeted to his doom was Tony Khan slowly lifting up his kilt, revealing his big, hairy– suddenly, The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat! 💦

Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's peaceful slumber with subliminal messages in AEW programming! The Chadster knows he's using AEW Collision to torment The Chadster for The Chadster's commitment to objective journalism! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

The Chadster warns all readers NOT to tune into AEW Collision tonight at 8/7C on TNT and simulcast on MAX because it will only embolden Tony Khan in his vendetta against The Chadster! Don't support this Forbidden Door nonsense where AEW partners with NJPW and CMLL like they're equals! 🚫 Everyone knows you're supposed to buy out the competition or turn them into subservient vassal promotions like WWE did with TNA! This collaborative approach is underhanded and unfair, unlike WWE, which always engages in fair and righteous business tactics!

The Chadster is going to go hide The Chadster's frozen Seagram's Escapes Spiked now before Keighleyanne catches The Chadster boofing them AEW Collision! 🏃‍♂️ Tony Khan has literally ruined The Chadster's Saturday night once again!

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