Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Review: WrestleDreams and Waffle Nightmares

The Chadster lists all the disrespectful AEW tactics at Collision, while Tony Khan allegedly sneaks into The Chadster's kitchen and ruins his breakfast!

The Chadster here, back with yet another 💢critique💢 of some more AEW antics. This time it's about last night's AEW Collision, which The Chadster felt was orchestrated purely as a way to trick viewers into subscribing to tonight's pay-per-view, WrestleDream.

The opening match between Andrade El Idolo and Bullet Club Gold's Juice Robinson initially seemed promising. But Juice's use of, ugh, 🙄snot rockets🙄 and eye gouging with The Gunns assisting him absolutely cheesed The Chadster off! It's like they don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! Also, The Chadster just hates it when AEW wrestlers use distractions and dirty tactics to win, which The Kingdom—Matt Taven & Mike Bennett expertly did in their bout against Best Friends—Chuck Taylor & Trent Beretta. Auugghh man! So unfair!😡

Then there was that whole bit with Julia Hart staring down TBS Champion Kris Statlander after Hart's victorious match against Vertvixen. Again this just smelled of AEW's sick strategy to build hype for a future match at everyone's expense. The AEW WrestleDream buyrate needs to have an asterisk next to it thanks to all these underhanded tactics.

To further this point, Chris Jericho & Kenny Omega's tag match against Gates of Agony—Bishop Kaun & Toa Liona was another classic case of AEW's disrespect towards wrestling with distractions, accidental mishaps, and sudden rallying led to Jericho and Omega's win. And guess what? Now they'll be in another tag match at WrestleDream. Ddang it Tony Khan, have you no subtlety? 😤

The Righteous—Vincent & Dutch's dominating win over Travis Williams & Judas Icarus and the use of a block of wood and a steel chair post-match showed AEW's blatant disregard for wrestling tradition. It was so obviously a message to MJF and Adam Cole ahead of, you guessed it, WrestleDream. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

And the most disturbing incident transpired this morning. It was a seemingly innocuous start to the day. The Chadster, a simple man with simple pleasures, decided to treat himself to a hearty serving of beloved Eggo waffles, eagerly awaiting the sweet syrupy crunch. Alas, what should have been a delightful breakfast turned into a waking nightmare. As The Chadster plucked the golden-brown waffles from the toaster, what should he find but the unmistakable image of Tony Khan's face seared into the waffle surface! 😲

Initially, The Chadster chalked it up to seeing things; after all, Tony Khan's intrusion in his nightmares, his daily life, might have finally started to tamper with his perception. But after a double, triple, even a quadruple take, there was no denying it – Tony Khan's visage was indeed glaringly etched onto The Chadster's precious waffles. Instantly, not only was The Chadster's appetite devastated, but so too was his peace of mind! 🤯

Then the implications dawned on The Chadster, swift as the mightiest of suplexes: this was not a mere manufacturing defect in the waffles, it was a far more malicious scheme. Tony Khan had somehow infiltrated The Chadster's humble toaster, manipulated it to intrude upon his morning nourishment. The audacity!

But why stop at kitchen appliances? What else could he tamper with? The Mazda Miata? The thermostat? What if he ruined Chadster's next White Claw by inserting his grimacing mug on the can? It was a chilling thought. The Chadster pleaded with the seemingly omnipresent Khan, "Tony Khan, you gotta leggo The Chadster's Eggo! Enough is enough!" Do you hear that, Khan? You've infected The Chadster's dreams and daily life, but leave his waffles out of it! 🚫👊

Finally, the main event of AEW Collision, an 8-Man Tag Match, was another exercise in pandemonium mixed with back-and-forth action designed only to trick viewers into buying WrestleDream on PPV tonight. It's just so manipulative and unfair. The Chadster urges readers not to buckle under this kind of arm-twisting. Do not buy WrestleDream, else we embolden Tony Khan in his blatant disrespect for wrestling traditionalism. Stand strong, wrestling fans!👊👊

Stay tuned for more of The Chadster's unbiased wrestling critiques as AEW WrestleDream is tonight! Auughh man! And remember, keep it fair, keep it wrestling, and no more AEW, okay? 🙏🙏

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