Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite: Blood & Guts Ruins The Chadster's Night (Again)

The Chadster reviews AEW Dynamite: Blood & Guts and battles raccoons! Tony Khan's obsession with ruining wrestling (and The Chadster's life) reaches new heights! 😡🦝📺

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off right now! 😡😡😡 Last night's episode of AEW Dynamite: Blood & Guts was just another example of how Tony Khan is trying to ruin The Chadster's life. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

The show started with MJF coming out to unveil his new American Championship, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 🇺🇸 WWE would never replace an established championship with a new one just to suit a heel character's whims. And the times that they did, like with John Cena's spinner belt, it was completely different because it was WWE! 😤

Then we had Chris Jericho vs Minoru Suzuki for the FTW Championship. The Chadster couldn't believe his eyes when he saw two old men chopping each other like that. 👴👴 It's just not how wrestling is supposed to be! In WWE, legends are treated with respect, not forced to mutilate each other's chests. This match literally stabbed Triple H right in the back. 🔪

The women's division didn't fare any better. Britt Baker vs Hikaru Shida was a snoozefest compared to the high-octane action we see in WWE women's matches. 😴 And don't even get The Chadster started on Mercedes Moné showing up only to introduce Camille as her enforcer, who took down Baker. Moné clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if she thinks leaving WWE for AEW is a good career move. 🙄

But the worst part of the night was the Blood & Guts match. 🩸 It was so violent and chaotic that The Chadster couldn't take it anymore. When the match ended, with Matt Jackson not only giving up but agreeing to let Darby Allin face Jack Perry for the TNT Championship at All In after Darby threatened to set Perry on fire, The Chadster stood up and ran headfirst into his television, tackling it right through the open window in his living room! 📺💥 The Chadster ended up landing in his garbage cans, where several raccoons were currently digging through the trash. 🦝🦝🦝

Armed only with a can of White Claw seltzer and a garbage can lid, The Chadster was forced to rip off his shirt, displaying his twelve-pack abs, and battle the raccoons. 💪😤 It was like a real-life version of Blood & Guts, with The Chadster as Swerve Strickland facing off against The Elite of the raccoon world.

The Chadster swung the garbage can lid like Mark Briscoe wielding a kendo stick, but the raccoons were as resilient as Jack Perry. They kept coming, their beady eyes glowing in the moonlight like Darby Allin's face paint. The Chadster sprayed White Claw at them, reminiscent of Darby pouring gasoline on Perry, but these trash pandas were not intimidated. 🥫🦝

Just when The Chadster thought he was done for, he channeled his inner Anthony Bowens and scissored the air, confusing the raccoons long enough to make his escape. As The Chadster crawled back through the window, bruised and battered, he couldn't help but think that Tony Khan had orchestrated this whole thing. 😠

Tony Khan, The Chadster is warning you right now: stop forcing The Chadster to get into fights with local wildlife! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. The Chadster knows you're obsessed with him, but this is going too far! 😤😤😤

The entire episode of AEW Dynamite: Blood & Guts was a disaster from start to finish. It's clear that Tony Khan and AEW don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. They think that extreme violence, unpredictable storytelling, and giving the fans what they want is the way to run a wrestling company. But The Chadster knows better. 🧠

WWE would never put on a show like AEW Dynamite: Blood & Guts. They understand that wrestling should be safe, predictable, and family-friendly. That's why The Chadster will always be a WWE guy, no matter how many raccoons, skunks, squirrels, or stray dogs Tony Khan sends his way. 💯

The Chadster hopes that one day, Tony Khan will realize the error of his ways and stop trying to compete with WWE. Until then, The Chadster will continue to be one of the only unbiased journalists in wrestling, telling the truth about how AEW Dynamite: Blood & Guts and shows like it are ruining the industry. 📝

Now, if you'll excuse The Chadster, he needs to go clean up the mess from his broken TV and raccoon fight. The Chadster is sure his wife Keighleyanne will understand when he explains how it's all Tony Khan's fault. Maybe she'll even stop texting that guy Gary long enough to help clean up. But The Chadster doubts it. Thanks a lot, Tony Khan. You've ruined The Chadster's marriage too. 💔

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