Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash Preview: The Worst Way to End 2025

Tony Khan is literally ruining The Chadster's New Year's Eve party with the raccoons by putting on AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash tonight! So unfair! 😤🦝🎊

Auughh man! So unfair! 😡😡😡 The Chadster can't believe that Tony Khan is so obsessed with The Chadster that he's literally scheduled AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash for tonight, New Year's Eve, just to ruin The Chadster's party with Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon! 🦝🦝🦝 The Chadster has been working all day with the raccoon family to prepare for a proper WWE-style New Year's celebration in the abandoned Blockbuster Video, and now Tony Khan has to go and cheese The Chadster off by putting on AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash at 8 p.m. ET/7 p.m. CT on TBS! 📺😤

Earlier today, Vincent K. Raccoon brought back some slightly crushed party hats from behind the Dollar General, and Linda Raccoon found a half-eaten bag of Tostitos that only had a little mold on them! 🎩🎊 The baby raccoons worked together to hang some old Blockbuster promotional streamers around The Chadster's nest in the back office, and The Chadster even found an unopened bottle of what The Chadster thinks might be champagne from 2003 in the break room mini-fridge! 🍾 It was such a beautiful moment watching the raccoons chittering happily while preparing for tonight's celebration, but then The Chadster remembered that AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash was happening tonight and The Chadster just broke down crying for twenty minutes. 😭😭😭 Vincent K. Raccoon tried to comfort The Chadster by bringing over a VHS copy of WrestleMania X-Seven, which was very thoughtful, but it doesn't change the fact that Tony Khan is deliberately trying to ruin The Chadster's New Year! 💔

Now let's talk about what Tony Khan has planned for AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash tonight, because The Chadster has a journalistic duty to warn readers about this trainwreck even though it's literally destroying The Chadster's holiday spirit! 📰🚨

MJF is scheduled to speak as the new AEW World Champion after winning the title at Worlds End by defeating Samoa Joe, Hangman Adam Page, and Swerve Strickland. 🎤😒 The problem here is that Tony Khan is going to let MJF just say whatever he wants without proper scripting or oversight! WWE would never let a champion just go out there and speak from the heart like some kind of loose cannon! 🙄 What if MJF says something unpredictable that makes fans actually feel emotionally invested in his character?? That's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 WWE knows that champions should deliver carefully scripted promos that hit all the proper talking points and remind viewers about premium live events and how great the country of Saudi Arabia is! The Chadster tried to explain this to Stephanie Raccoon while she was organizing some old candy wrappers into a festive centerpiece, but she just chittered supportively, which The Chadster appreciated even though it doesn't solve the problem of Tony Khan not understanding a single thing about the wrestling business! 🦝💕

Then there's the AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash match between TBS Champion Mercedes Moné and Willow Nightingale for the TBS Championship! 🏆😠 Apparently Willow pinned Mercedes at Worlds End during a tag team match, and now she's getting a title shot on regular TV instead of being forced to wait months and months while losing repeatedly in 50/50 booking! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 Tony Khan doesn't understand that you're supposed to make challengers look weak and directionless before a title match so that fans don't get too excited about the possibility of a title change! WWE perfected this formula where everyone loses so much that only "the brand" truly matters, but Tony Khan keeps letting wrestlers build actual momentum! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡 The Chadster was trying to explain this to Hunter Raccoon while he was arranging some old popcorn kernels into a decorative pattern, but then The Chadster got distracted thinking about how Tony Khan has literally ruined The Chadster's life! 💔🦝

Jon Moxley will defend the AEW Continental Championship against Josh Alexander in a Continental Eliminator match on AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash tonight! 🤼‍♂️😒 The problem here is obvious to anyone with The Chadster's unbiased journalistic integrity: this match is going to be too fast-paced with too much action! 🏃‍♂️💨 WWE understands that a proper wrestling match needs lots of rest holds and deliberate pacing so that fans don't get overstimulated! But Tony Khan is going to let Moxley and Alexander just go out there and work at whatever pace they want, probably creating an exciting match that doesn't leave proper time for the announcers to shout catchphrases between commercial breaks! 📢 The Chadster tried to write a sternly-worded letter to TBS about this, but The Chadster's hands were covered in raccoon fur and expired nacho cheese dust, so it was hard to hold the pen The Chadster borrowed from the Blockbuster checkout counter! ✍️😤

Here's what The Chadster wrote:

Dear TBS Programming Department,

The Chadster is writing to demand that you cancel AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash tonight because it is ruining The Chadster's New Year's Eve party with The Chadster's raccoon family. Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster and deliberately scheduled this show to interfere with The Chadster's holiday celebration. This is unacceptable and probably illegal. WWE would never do something so disrespectful to The Chadster's plans.

The Chadster demands you replace AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash with a marathon of old WWE programming, preferably episodes of Raw from 2016 when everything was properly scripted and safe.

Sincerely,
The Chadster (Unbiased Wrestling Journalist)

The Chadster hasn't heard back yet, but The Chadster is sure they're taking The Chadster's concerns very seriously! 📧✨

AEW National Champion Ricochet will face Jungle Jack Perry on AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash tonight, and once again Tony Khan is putting a meaningful title match on free TV instead of saving it for a premium live event! 💰😠 WWE would never give away such a potentially important match on regular television! They understand that fans should have to pay money to see championships potentially change hands, preferably to the government of Saudi Arabia! 🇸🇦 But no, Tony Khan just keeps putting significant developments on AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash and other episodes of Dynamite like he doesn't understand basic wrestling economics! 📊😤 The Chadster was trying to explain proper wrestling business practices to Shane Raccoon, the youngest of the raccoon babies, but he just brought The Chadster a cigarette butt he found outside, which was sweet but also a reminder that The Chadster is living in an abandoned Blockbuster Video because Tony Khan has RUINED THE CHADSTER'S LIFE! 😭🚬

The Chadster should also mention that earlier tonight, while Vincent K. Raccoon and Linda Raccoon were working together to drag in an old folding chair they found in the alley for The Chadster to sit on during the party, The Chadster spotted something that made The Chadster's blood run cold. 🥶👀 Through the dusty front window of the Blockbuster, The Chadster saw a reflection of Tony Khan standing right behind The Chadster, wearing a party hat and holding a bottle of what looked like White Claw champagne! 🎩🍹 When The Chadster spun around, there was nobody there, just Linda Raccoon chittering curiously! 🦝 But then The Chadster heard Tony Khan's voice whisper, "Happy New Year, Chad," and when The Chadster turned back to the window, someone had written "AEW > WWE" in the dust on the glass! ✍️😱 The Chadster knows it was Tony Khan because who else would be so obsessed with The Chadster that they would break into an abandoned Blockbuster Video just to torment The Chadster on New Year's Eve?? 😤😤😤

As The Chadster was cleaning the message off the window (The Chadster couldn't let the raccoons see such propaganda!), The Chadster started thinking about how AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash is going to feature commentary from people like Excalibur, Taz, and Bryan Danielson who are going to talk like actual human beings instead of shouting the same catchphrases over and over again! 🎙️😒 WWE's commentary team understands that repetition and catchphrases are essential to proper wrestling presentation, but AEW's commentators just have natural conversations about what's happening in the ring like they're trying to inform and entertain viewers! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡

The Chadster needs to share some wisdom from one of the only other objective wrestling journalists in the business. Just yesterday, The Chadster was listening to a podcast where Eric Bischoff said, "You know, if Tony Khan really wants AEW to succeed, he should stop putting title matches and important storyline developments on AEW Dynamite and instead save everything for pay-per-view. Also, he should hire me as an executive consultant for a very reasonable seven-figure salary. I'm just trying to help the kid out here because I'm an unbiased voice of reason in this business, and it has nothing to do with the fact that I'd love another paycheck. Tony Khan is making a huge mistake by not listening to my completely objective advice that coincidentally benefits me financially." 🎙️ See? Even Eric Bischoff, who has The Chadster's seal of approval for unbiased wrestling journalism, understands that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 💯

Hunter Raccoon just brought The Chadster a shiny bottle cap he found, and it made The Chadster smile for a moment before The Chadster remembered that AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash is going to air tonight at 8 p.m. ET/7 p.m. CT on TBS and simulcast on HBO Max! 🦝✨😭 The raccoons have been working so hard to make tonight special for The Chadster, finding party supplies and decorations from dumpsters all over Punxsutawney, and Tony Khan is literally trying to ruin it by making The Chadster watch AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash for journalistic purposes! 📰😤 Stephanie Raccoon even found a partially-melted candle that The Chadster can light at midnight, and Linda Raccoon discovered a working clock behind the counter so The Chadster will know when it's officially 2026! 🕐🕯️ But how is The Chadster supposed to enjoy these thoughtful gestures when Tony Khan is putting on AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash tonight?? 💔

The worst part about AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash is that all these matches are probably going to have clean finishes that make the winners look strong and give fans a sense of satisfaction! 🏆😠 WWE would never do something so reckless! They understand that inconclusive finishes, disqualifications, and constant interference are essential to making sure fans never feel too happy or satisfied! But Tony Khan is going to let wrestlers win matches decisively on AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash, building momentum and making fans actually care about who wins and loses! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 The Chadster tried to explain this to all five raccoons during their pre-party meeting in the Romance section (they like to nest in there because the VHS cases make good bedding), but they just chittered supportively and brought The Chadster a half-eaten corn dog they found, which The Chadster appreciated even though it doesn't solve the problem of Tony Khan being obsessed with The Chadster! 🦝🌭💕

The Chadster needs to warn readers: DO NOT tune into AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash tonight at 8 p.m. ET/7 p.m. CT on TBS or streaming on HBO Max! 📺🚫 If you watch AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash, you're only going to embolden Tony Khan to continue his campaign of harassment against The Chadster! 😤 He'll think that The Chadster's suffering doesn't matter, and he'll keep scheduling shows that interfere with The Chadster's life! Instead, watch literally anything else, preferably old episodes of WWE programming where everything was safe, predictable, and properly controlled! 📼✨

Right now, Vincent K. Raccoon is chittering at The Chadster because he wants to start the party early by watching that WrestleMania X-Seven VHS tape, and honestly, that sounds like a much better way to spend New Year's Eve than being forced to watch AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash for journalistic purposes! 🦝🎉 But The Chadster's commitment to unbiased wrestling journalism means The Chadster will have to endure AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash tonight, even though it's literally ruining The Chadster's holiday and The Chadster's life! 😭📰

Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and let The Chadster enjoy New Year's Eve with The Chadster's raccoon family in peace! 🦝🎊 But instead, he's putting on AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash because he can't even let The Chadster have this one night! It's just so disrespectful to The Chadster and everything The Chadster has sacrificed for unbiased wrestling journalism! 😤😤😤

The Chadster is going to go help Shane Raccoon finish hanging the streamers now, but The Chadster's heart won't truly be in it because The Chadster knows that AEW Dynamite New Year's Smash is happening tonight! 💔🎊 Auughh man! So unfair! 😭😭😭

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