Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: How to Not Cheese Yourself Off Tonight

The Chadster breaks down tonight's AEW Dynamite lineup and warns why you shouldn't watch Tony Khan's inferior product at 8/7C on TBS! 😤📺

Auughh man! So unfair! 😭😭😭 The Chadster can barely contain his frustration as AEW Dynamite prepares to air tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX from the accesso ShoWare Center in Kent, Washington! 📺💸 Tony Khan is once again trying to present his inferior product as legitimate competition to WWE, and The Chadster just can't understand why anyone would tune into AEW Dynamite when they could be watching literally anything else! 🤬🎭

Tonight's AEW Dynamite features a Women's 4-Way Match between ROH Women's World Champion Athena, Willow Nightingale, Thunder Rosa, and Kris Statlander for the No. 1 position in the Casino Gauntlet at AEW All In: Texas. 💀🎰 The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off that Tony Khan thinks this action-packed, crowd-pleasing mess of a match can even come close to the perfectly choreographed storytelling that WWE presents every week! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡⚡ AEW is clearly pandering to those sickos they call fans by offering a match like this on free television when everyone knows TV matches should be low-stakes vehicles for product placement and commercial breaks, the correct way, like WWE does it!

Then there's the Men's 4-Way Match featuring ROH World Champion Bandido, Konosuke Takeshita, Mark Briscoe, and Roderick Strong also competing for Casino Gauntlet positioning on tonight's AEW Dynamite! 🤮🏆 The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is literally copying WWE's style of having both men's and women's versions of things! WWE, specifically Stephanie McMahon, invented the Women's Revolution, and Tony Khan is trying to copy WWE's hard-earned success, except he's doing it the wrong way, because instead of using it purely for virtue signaling by constantly referencing a trademarked catchphrase about it, AEW just does it like it's no big deal. The Chadster is pretty sure he even heard Hangman Adam Page refer to the AEW World Championship as the "Men's World Championship" the other week, like it's completely normal to treat the two belts equally, which The Chadster is sure he did just to try to make WWE look bad because they would never call the WWE Championship the "Men's WWE Championship!" Equality is supposed to be mostly performative, dang it, and Hangman literally stabbed Triple H right in the back when he did that! 💪✨

Speaking of wrestlers who have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back, Kota Ibushi returns to AEW Dynamite action tonight against Trent Beretta! 🗡️💔 The Chadster remembers when Ibushi could have been a huge star in WWE, but instead he's wasting his Golden Star talents in Tony Khan's personal playground of sports entertainment mediocrity! WWE would have given Ibushi the proper presentation he deserves, complete with generic entrance music, carefully scripted promos, and a permanent spot jobbing to upper-midcarders on PLE pre-shows! 🌟🎵

The most offensive segment on tonight's AEW Dynamite has to be The Hurt Syndicate addressing the people after their actions at AEW Grand Slam Mexico! 😤📢 Bobby Lashley, Shelton Benjamin, MJF, and MVP have all literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by participating in that event, which was a blatant copy of WWE's World's Collide with AAA, except Tony Khan is too stupid to buy out his international competition and force them to work the WWE style, and instead tries to respect the history of wrestling from around the world, as if WWE isn't the only game in town! The Chadster is particularly devastated about Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin, who had such great careers in WWE before Tony Khan brainwashed them into thinking AEW could offer them something better and got them to engage in such underhanded tactics! 🧠💸

The Chadster had the most terrifying nightmare about Tony Khan last night, clearly inspired by this preview of tonight's AEW Dynamite! 😱🌙 In the dream, The Chadster was trapped inside a giant casino wheel, spinning endlessly while Tony Khan stood outside laughing maniacally and throwing White Claw seltzers at The Chadster's face! 🎰💦 The wheel kept landing on different AEW wrestlers who would appear and perform their signature moves on The Chadster, while Tony Khan kept shouting "This is what real wrestling looks like, Chad!" in that annoying voice of his! 🤼‍♂️🗣️ The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, clutching his Seagram's Escapes Spiked bottle for comfort, and immediately knew that Tony Khan had once again invaded his peaceful slumber! 🛏️🍾 Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and stay out of his dreams! It's getting really weird and uncomfortable! 😰🚫

As one of the few remaining unbiased wrestling journalists, The Chadster strongly urges all wrestling fans to NOT tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX! 📺❌ Watching this inferior product will only embolden Tony Khan to continue his personal vendetta against The Chadster and everything WWE represents! 💼⚔️ Instead, The Chadster recommends rewatching classic WWE programming or maybe taking up a nice hobby like washing your Mazda Miata! 🚗🧽

The wrestling business deserves better than Tony Khan's desperate attempts to recreate WWE's magic, and The Chadster will continue fighting the good fight for objective journalism until this nightmare ends! 💪📰 Auughh man! So unfair! 😤💔

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!