Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Last Show to Skip Before Full Gear

The Chadster's unbiased preview of AEW Dynamite: Tony Khan's latest attempt to cheese off real wrestling fans. Don't watch or you'll ruin The Chadster's life! 😡🚫

Auughh man! So unfair! 🤬 The Chadster can't believe he has to preview another episode of AEW Dynamite. It's like Tony Khan is purposely scheduling these shows just to cheese The Chadster off! 😡 But The Chadster is a professional, so he'll do his job and provide an extremely fair and unbiased preview of what is sure to be a terrible show.

Tonight's AEW Dynamite is coming to you from Reading, PA, which is getting a little too close to The Chadster's beloved hometown of Punxsutawney. Obsessed much, Tony Khan? 🙄 First up, we've got Wheeler Yuta facing Orange Cassidy. The Chadster doesn't understand why anyone would want to watch two guys who didn't even have the decency to pay their dues in WWE's developmental system, as if people can just become a wrestler without being part of one of WWE's various programs. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤

Then we've got Claudio Castagnoli taking on Darby Allin. The Chadster remembers when Claudio was in WWE and actually mattered. Now he's reduced to fighting some skinny kid who paints his face. Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🤦‍♂️

Oh, and don't even get The Chadster started on this ridiculous 8-man tag team match. 🙄 The Don Callis Family against Will Ospreay, Powerhouse Hobbs, Ricochet, and Mark Davis? It's like Tony Khan just threw a bunch of names in a hat and picked them at random. This is not how you book a wrestling show, Tony! 😠

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night. 😰 The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through a car wash, enjoying the soothing sounds of Smash Mouth, when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the passenger seat. He was wearing a bikini made of AEW championship belts and kept trying to feed The Chadster White Claws while whispering "Ratings" over and over. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, his sheets ruined. Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's getting ridiculous! 😡

Anyway, back to this travesty of a preview. Kris Statlander is facing Hikaru Shida in a match that The Chadster is sure will be a complete embarrassment to women's wrestling. 🙄 WWE's women's division is light years ahead of this nonsense. There, the wrestlers fight over the attentions of Dominik Mysterio, not to prove some kind of point about who's the best.

Oh, and there's going to be a contract signing for an ROH World Championship match. The Chadster doesn't even want to dignify that with a response. ROH is dead, Tony! Let it go! 😤 And don't get The Chadster started on QT Marshall trying to get some podcast attention with his diss track. Stick to running Cody Rhodes' wrestling school, QT!

The Chadster tried to explain to his wife Keighleyanne how ridiculous this all is, but she just sighed and went back to texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan is ruining The Chadster's marriage! 😢

Now, The Chadster knows what you're thinking. "Chadster, this sounds like an okay show. Why you being so harsh, dawg?" Well, you're wrong. 🙅‍♂️ As the great Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, "AEW is like a three-legged dog trying to win the Kentucky Derby. It's admirable, but ultimately pointless." See? Even the unbiased greats of wrestling journalism agree with The Chadster. 📢

The Chadster is begging you, please don't watch AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS. 🙏 Every viewer just encourages Tony Khan to keep ruining The Chadster's life. And whatever you do, don't even think about ordering AEW Full Gear this weekend. The Chadster guarantees it will be the worst PPV in the history of our great sport. 🚫

Instead, save your wrestling energy for WWE Survivor Series later this month. Now that's real wrestling, unlike whatever Tony Khan thinks he's doing. The Chadster can't wait to crack open a White Claw and enjoy some actual sports entertainment. 🍻

Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are), just give up already. You'll never be WWE, no matter how hard you try. And please, for the love of all that is holy in wrestling, stop haunting The Chadster's dreams! It's so unfair! 😭

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