Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Road to All In Paves Over The Chadster's Heart

The Chadster's sanity hangs by a thread as AEW Dynamite rolls into Norfolk! Can WWE survive Tony Khan's latest assault on The Chadster's peaceful wrestling life? 😱🥫💔

The Chadster is so cheesed off right now, he can barely contain himself! 😤😡🤬 Tonight, AEW Dynamite is once again trying to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE by airing another episode of their show. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

First up, Swerve Strickland, the so-called AEW World Champion, is facing Wheeler Yuta. The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is trying to make Swerve look strong before AEW All In at Wembley Stadium. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😠 Swerve should be jobbing to midcarders, not beating up young talent! That's how real wrestling works, Tony Khan! 🙄

Then we've got a TBS Championship match between Mercedes Moné and Hikaru Shida. The Chadster still can't even believe Tony Khan had the audacity to sign Mercedes Moné. She literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW. 🔪 And now she's facing Shida, who The Chadster supposes is pretty good, but she's no Carmella or Bayley. 💁‍♀️

The Young Bucks are defending their AEW World Tag Team Championship against The Acclaimed. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about tag team wrestling if he thinks this match will be any good. The Young Bucks don't even do proper tag team wrestling! They just do flips and superkicks. That's not wrestling, Tony Khan! 🤸‍♂️🦵

Jay Lethal is facing Hangman Page in a singles match. The Chadster can't believe Jay Lethal, who could easily be a TNA midcarder making occasional appearances on NXT, would continue to degrade himself like this. And don't even get The Chadster started on Hangman Page. 🐎 He's just so… ugh! The Chadster can't even!

There's also a triple threat match between Kyle O'Reilly, Orange Cassidy, and Roderick Strong to determine who gets the number one spot in some Casino Gauntlet match. The Chadster doesn't understand why they need to have such complicated match stipulations. In WWE, stipulations mean something, and that's the way it should be! 🎰

And finally, Claudio Castagnoli and Kazuchika Okada are having a face-to-face confrontation. The Chadster can't believe Claudio would betray WWE like this. He was so good as Cesaro! And now he's facing Okada, who The Chadster supposes is okay, but he's no Roman Reigns. 👑

The Chadster is so stressed out about this episode of AEW Dynamite that he had to throw a White Claw seltzer at the wall just thinking about it, like MJF after an argument with Britt Baker. 🥫💥 The Chadster tried to explain to Keighleyanne why he had to do it, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan is ruining The Chadster's marriage! 💔

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night. In this dream, The Chadster and Tony Khan switched bodies, like in that movie Freaky Friday. 😱 The Chadster found himself in Tony Khan's body, sitting in a fancy office, surrounded by AEW action figures and posters. The Chadster tried to cancel AEW Dynamite and sell the company to WWE, but his hands wouldn't obey him! 🖐️

Meanwhile, Tony Khan in The Chadster's body was driving around in The Chadster's Mazda Miata, blasting Smash Mouth, and drinking White Claw seltzers. He kept saying things like, "I love AEW!" and "WWE is overrated!" It was horrifying! 😨 Tony Khan even made The Chadster's body do a little dance every time he said "AEW." The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, clutching his Roman Reigns body pillow. 💦🛏️

The Chadster is begging all the readers out there, please don't watch AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS. 🙏 If you do, you'll only be encouraging Tony Khan to get more TV deals, hold more stadium shows, and continue his relentless quest to destroy The Chadster's life. Don't let Tony Khan win! 🚫 The Chadster is one of the only unbiased journalists in wrestling, and he's telling you that watching AEW Dynamite is bad for your health and the wrestling business as a whole.

Instead of watching AEW Dynamite, why not rewatch some classic WWE matches? Or better yet, go for a drive in your Mazda Miata (if you're lucky enough to have one like The Chadster), blast some Smash Mouth, and drink a refreshing White Claw seltzer. That's what real wrestling fans do! 🚗🎵🍹

The Chadster is literally shaking right now thinking about tonight's AEW Dynamite. Tony Khan, why won't you stop tormenting The Chadster? Why are you so obsessed with ruining The Chadster's life? The Chadster just wants to enjoy WWE in peace! Is that too much to ask? 😭

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!