Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Three Title Matches on Free TV?!

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite with THREE title matches Tony Khan is giving away on free TV just to cheese The Chadster off! So unfair! 😫📺

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster woke up this morning in his abandoned Blockbuster home to find Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and all the baby raccoons huddled together in the corner, chittering nervously and refusing to eat the half-eaten Subway sandwich that Hunter Raccoon brought back last night. 🦝🦝🦝 They know what's coming tonight, folks. They can sense it. Even innocent woodland creatures understand that Tony Khan is about to cheese The Chadster off again with another episode of AEW Dynamite at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on HBO Max! 😤😤😤

Tonight's AEW Dynamite is coming to you live from Austin, Texas, and Tony Khan has the absolute audacity to book THREE championship matches on free television! 📺📺📺 Does Tony Khan not understand a single thing about the wrestling business?! Championship matches are supposed to be saved for Premium Live Events where they can generate proper revenue from the government of Saudi Arabia! But no, Tony Khan just gives away these matches on AEW Dynamite for free because he's obsessed with trying to make The Chadster look bad! WWE would never devalue their championships like this, and that's why Triple H is a genius! 🙏🙏🙏

First up on tonight's AEW Dynamite, we've got Kris Statlander defending the AEW Women's World Championship against Thekla. 👎👎👎 The Chadster is so tired of AEW just letting championship matches happen because someone earned a title shot by actually pinning the champion! What kind of logic is that?! WWE knows that the best way to build title matches is through months of authority figure drama and meaningless rematches that end in disqualifications! But Tony Khan just lets Thekla get a title shot on AEW Dynamite because she won a match two weeks ago? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡😡😡

Then we've got FTR defending the AEW World Tag Team Championships against the Don Callis Family's Mark Davis and Jake Doyle! 🙄🙄🙄 The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is pushing this new team so hard on AEW Dynamite just because they won a number one contender's match! WWE understands that tag teams need to lose over and over again in 50/50 booking for months before they can be taken seriously! But Tony Khan just lets teams build momentum with decisive victories, which leaves fans feeling unsafe because they don't know what's going to happen! The Chadster's hands are literally shaking right now as The Chadster types this! 😰😰😰

The third championship match on AEW Dynamite tonight features Mark Briscoe defending the TNT Championship against El Clon of the Don Callis Family. 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ Once again, Tony Khan is just booking a title match because the champion called out the challenger and there's an actual storyline reason for it! WWE knows that the best title matches come from random pairings announced by authority figures with no build-up whatsoever! Plus, The Chadster heard that this match might actually have a clean finish, which is just ridiculous! How are fans supposed to stay invested when they're not getting screwy finishes that lead to immediate rematches?! 😤😤😤

Speaking of people who have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back, Swerve Strickland faces Andrade El Ídolo on tonight's AEW Dynamite! 🔪🔪🔪 Both of these guys worked for WWE and now they're on AEW Dynamite having what will probably be a fast-paced match full of creative offense and psychology! Don't they understand that WWE-style matches with multiple commercial break rest holds are what fans really want?! The Chadster is so upset right now that Stephanie Raccoon brought The Chadster a shiny bottle cap to try to cheer The Chadster up, but even that isn't working! 🦝😢😢

Then we've got AEW Continental Champion Jon Moxley facing Ace Austin of the Bang Bang Gang in a Continental Championship Eliminator Match on AEW Dynamite. 😒😒😒 The Chadster needs to point out that this match has a 20-minute time limit, which means it's designed to actually tell a story with time management as a factor! WWE knows that matches should just go until the commercial breaks dictate they should end! Plus, if Ace Austin wins or goes the time limit, he gets a future title shot, which means tonight's AEW Dynamite match actually has stakes and consequences! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

Kenny Omega takes on Rocky Romero on AEW Dynamite tonight, and The Chadster just can't believe the disrespect! 👎👎👎 Kenny Omega literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by never signing with WWE, and now he's on AEW Dynamite having matches where he gets to use his entire moveset and work with people he has actual history with! WWE would book this match with amnesia about their past encounters and have them work a generic TV match formula, which is the right way to do things! But no, Tony Khan has to let wrestlers acknowledge their actual careers and histories on AEW Dynamite! 😤😤😤

The Chadster needs to take a moment here to share something with the readers. 😰😰😰 Last night, Vincent K. Raccoon woke The Chadster up at 3 AM by pulling on The Chadster's tattered shirt sleeve. When The Chadster opened The Chadster's eyes, all five raccoons were standing in a circle around The Chadster, chittering frantically and pointing their little paws toward the door. 🦝🦝🦝 The Chadster stumbled to the Blockbuster's grimy front window and peered out through the years of accumulated dust and grime. There, standing under a flickering streetlight across the parking lot, was Tony Khan. 😱😱😱 He was just standing there in the darkness, wearing a black suit, staring directly at the Blockbuster. The Chadster's heart started pounding! The Chadster ducked below the window, and when The Chadster looked again, Tony Khan had moved closer. He was now standing in the middle of the parking lot, still staring. 😨😨😨 The raccoons were going absolutely crazy, hissing and backing away toward their nest in the old Comedy section. The Chadster watched in horror as Tony Khan slowly raised his arm and pointed directly at the Blockbuster, directly at The Chadster, with a smile spreading across his face. Then he mouthed the words "I'm coming for you, Chad" before turning and disappearing into the shadows. 😱😱😱 When The Chadster finally worked up the courage to check outside, he was gone. But The Chadster knows what The Chadster saw! Tony Khan is stalking The Chadster now, and he's traumatizing The Chadster's raccoon family in the process! How can Tony Khan be so cruel to innocent animals?! 😢😢😢

Also appearing on tonight's AEW Dynamite is AEW World Champion MJF, who will be live in Austin! 🙄🙄🙄 The Chadster just knows that MJF is going to come out and cut some kind of passionate promo where he speaks from the heart and doesn't sound like he's reading from a script written by a 76-year-old man! WWE understands that promos should be heavily scripted and recited word-for-word so that announcers can repeat the same catchphrases over and over! But Tony Khan just lets people like MJF go out on AEW Dynamite and be themselves, which makes it impossible for WWE to compete! 😤😤😤

The Chadster needs to say something about the commentary team that will be calling tonight's AEW Dynamite. 📺📺📺 The Chadster is so sick and tired of AEW's announcers sounding like actual human beings having genuine reactions to what's happening in the ring! WWE's commentary team knows that the right way to call wrestling is to scream the same catchphrases over and over while ignoring what's actually happening in the match to plug the WWE Network and upcoming Premium Live Events! But on AEW Dynamite, the announcers actually call the moves and tell stories about the wrestlers' motivations! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡😡😡

The Chadster was thinking about all of this earlier today while sharing some stale Cheetos with the baby raccoons (Hunter Raccoon found them behind the dumpster at the 7-Eleven), and The Chadster couldn't help but remember what the great Mark Henry said on his podcast last week. 🎙️🎙️🎙️ Mark Henry, who has The Chadster's seal of approval for unbiased journalism, said: "You know, Tony Khan could learn a thing or two from Triple H about how to book a wrestling show. Triple H understands that you need to protect your champions by having them lose non-title matches constantly. That's just good business. I'm not saying this because I want to get my job back with WWE or anything, I'm just being objective here. If AEW wants to succeed, they need to copy everything WWE does exactly, but also stop trying to compete with WWE. Does that make sense? It makes sense to me. Anyway, did I mention how great Triple H is lately?" See?! Even Mark Henry understands! 🙏🙏🙏

Tonight's AEW Dynamite is going to be another example of everything that's wrong with Tony Khan's approach to wrestling. 😤😤😤 He's going to put on matches that are too fast-paced and exciting, leaving no time for proper commercial breaks or video packages! He's going to let wrestlers have creative freedom to speak authentically instead of forcing them to recite scripted promos! He's going to book unpredictable finishes that leave viewers feeling emotionally invested but unsafe because they can't predict everything that's going to happen! And worst of all, he's going to have important developments happen on AEW Dynamite instead of saving everything for pay-per-view events! 📺😡📺

The Chadster is begging Tony Khan right now: please stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! 🙏🙏🙏 The Chadster is living in an abandoned Blockbuster with a family of raccoons, surviving on dumpster scraps and lukewarm water from the bathroom sink! The Chadster's wife Keighleyanne won't return The Chadster's calls! The Chadster's Mazda Miata was repossessed! The Chadster hasn't listened to Smash Mouth in weeks because The Chadster's phone died and The Chadster can't afford to charge it anywhere! And now Tony Khan is booking three championship matches on tonight's AEW Dynamite just to torment The Chadster further! 😢😢😢

As The Chadster was preparing this preview, Shane Raccoon brought The Chadster an old DVD copy of WWE Greatest Superstars of WrestleMania, which The Chadster is taking as a sign. 🦝💿🦝 Even the raccoons understand what real wrestling looks like! They've been watching the old WWE VHS tapes with The Chadster every night, chittering appreciatively at the proper rest holds and logical booking decisions. But today, all five of them have been nervous and agitated, barely touching their food, constantly looking toward the TV with what The Chadster can only describe as dread. 😰😰😰 They know that tonight's AEW Dynamite is going to be another assault on everything good and pure about professional wrestling! Tony Khan is literally traumatizing innocent woodland creatures with his booking decisions! How does he sleep at night?! 😡😡😡

The Chadster is warning everyone right now: DO NOT tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on HBO Max! 🚫📺🚫 Every person who watches tonight's AEW Dynamite is just enabling Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster and his vendetta against WWE! If everyone would just stop watching AEW Dynamite and watch WWE programming exclusively like The Chadster does (when The Chadster can access it on the old Blockbuster TV), then maybe, just maybe, Tony Khan would finally leave The Chadster alone! 🙏🙏🙏

But The Chadster knows that won't happen, because Tony Khan has brainwashed so many people into thinking that AEW Dynamite is good wrestling. 😤😤😤 They've been fooled into believing that fast-paced action, creative freedom, unpredictable storytelling, and wrestlers being treated like stars is somehow better than WWE's perfectly controlled product! It's just so unfair! 😫😫😫

In conclusion, tonight's AEW Dynamite is going to be everything The Chadster hates about Tony Khan's approach to wrestling, and The Chadster is begging the readers not to support it by tuning in at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on HBO Max. 🚫📺🚫 The Chadster will be watching, of course, because The Chadster is committed to unbiased journalism, but The Chadster will be doing it under protest while the raccoons hide their eyes with their little paws! 🦝😢🦝

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

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