Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Will Tony Khan Literally Ruin Wrestling?

The Chadster breaks down tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite, which is just another example of Tony Khan trying to destroy WWE and personally torment The Chadster. SO UNFAIR! 😤

Auughh man! So unfair! 🤬 Tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite is just another example of how Tony Khan is trying to personally destroy The Chadster's life by putting on a show that completely disrespects the wrestling business. 😡

First up, we've got Swerve Strickland vs Ricochet in what Tony Khan is calling a "grudge match." 😤 The Chadster has to point out that this is just typical AEW, putting on matches that focus on "intensity" and "athleticism" instead of proper WWE-style sports entertainment. As wrestling journalism legend Eric Bischoff said on his podcast last week, "These AEW matches are too athletic. What happened to the good old days when wrestlers would spend 20 minutes in a headlock?" See? The Chadster isn't the only one who sees through Tony Khan's agenda! 🙄

Then we've got "Timeless" Toni Storm vs Queen Aminata with Mariah May on commentary. 😑 The Chadster had to throw a White Claw seltzer at the TV just reading this preview. The Chadster tried to get Keighleyanne to clean up the mess, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. This is literally all Tony Khan's fault! 💔

The Don Callis Family stuff with Will Ospreay and the mystery opponent is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤 WWE invented mystery opponents! Kevin Nash said it best on his podcast last week: "Back in my day, we didn't need suspense. We just had Big Daddy Cool come out and look tall." That's real wrestling journalism right there! 📝

Speaking of which, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night. 😰 The Chadster was driving the Chadster's Mazda Miata through a spooky carnival, and Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster in a bumper car shaped like the AEW logo. Every time The Chadster looked in the rearview mirror, Tony Khan was getting closer, wearing nothing but a cotton candy vest and whispering "Watch Dynamite, Chad," over and over. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat singing "All Star" by Smash Mouth to calm down. Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! 😱

Speaking of which, that tag team match between Konosuke Takeshita & Kyle Fletcher vs Brody King & Buddy Matthews is just another example of how AEW doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🤦‍♂️ Mark Henry said on his podcast recently, "These guys need to slow down and tell stories like when I would do feats of strength segments or have sex with an elderly woman." Such wise words that AEW refuses to hear!

And don't even get The Chadster started on Hangman Page and MJF being featured tonight. Every wrestling talent who appears on AEW Dynamite has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back. 🔪

The Chadster is begging you, please don't watch AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7c on TBS or MAX. Every viewer just encourages Tony Khan to keep torturing The Chadster. Instead, maybe watch some old WWE Network content or, better yet, do what The Chadster does and drink White Claws while listening to "Walking on the Sun" on repeat. 🎵

And Tony Khan, if you're reading this (The Chadster knows you are), PLEASE stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's making it impossible for The Chadster to perform his marital duties with Keighleyanne, which is probably exactly what you want! 😭 SO UNFAIR! 🚫

That's all for now. The Chadster needs to go buy more White Claw since Tony Khan made The Chadster throw the last one. 🥤

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