Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, wrestling

AEW Rampage Preview: An Affront to SummerSlam Eve

The Chadster reluctantly previews AEW Rampage, exposing Tony Khan's latest attempt to cheese off true wrestling fans. Don't miss this unbiased take on AEW's sinister agenda! 😤🚫

Published Fri, 02 Aug 2024 18:07:07 -0500

by Chad McMahon

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Article Summary

AEW Rampage preview highlights Tony Khan's attempts to undermine WWE's SummerSlam festivities.
Matches include Wheeler Yuta vs. The Butcher, and MxM Collection vs. Private Party in the main event.
Features indie darlings like "Bad Apple" Bryan Keith and "The Machine" Brian Cage, which irks WWE loyalists.
Nyla Rose vs. Harley Cameron match seen as another effort by AEW to rival WWE's women's division.

Before getting into the preview of this week's AEW Rampage, The Chadster is deeply sorry to all the readers of Bleeding Cool for the absolute disgrace that occurred earlier this week 😔. The Chadster's brother, The Bradster, had the audacity to steal The Chadster's spot and write about AEW Dynamite with such a blatant pro-AEW bias that it made The Chadster physically ill 🤢. The Chadster can only apologize for the lack of journalistic integrity displayed and hopes you'll forgive Bleeding Cool for this embarrassing lapse in judgment.

Now, onto the task at hand. The Chadster regrets to inform you that AEW Rampage is once again trying to cheese off true wrestling fans tonight 😤. Tony Khan just doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and AEW Rampage is proof of that. Let's break down this travesty, shall we?

First up on AEW Rampage, we have Wheeler Yuta facing The Butcher 🙄. Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan is clearly trying to make Wheeler Yuta look strong by putting him against a bigger opponent. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. The Chadster bets that Triple H could book circles around this match with his eyes closed.

Next, AEW Rampage is featuring MxM Collection versus Private Party in the main event 😑. The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is trying to create new tag teams when WWE already has all the tag teams anyone could ever need. It's like Tony Khan is personally trying to spite The Chadster by showcasing these lesser-known talents.

As if that wasn't bad enough, AEW Rampage is also featuring "Bad Apple" Bryan Keith in action 🍎. The Chadster doesn't understand why Tony Khan insists on giving these indie darlings a platform. It's almost like he's trying to create new stars or something, which is just not how wrestling is supposed to work!

And don't even get The Chadster started on "The Machine" Brian Cage being in action on AEW Rampage 🤖. The Chadster remembers when Brian Cage was in Impact Wrestling, and now he's literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW. It's just not right!

But the absolute worst part of AEW Rampage tonight? Nyla Rose versus Harley Cameron 😡. Tony Khan is clearly trying to build up his women's division, but doesn't he know that WWE already has the best women's wrestling in the world? It's like he's purposely trying to cheese The Chadster off!

Speaking of being cheesed off, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night 😰. The Chadster was innocently driving his Mazda Miata through a car wash when suddenly, Tony Khan appeared in the rearview mirror! He was riding on top of a monster truck made entirely of White Claw cans, chasing The Chadster through the soap and water. Just as Tony was about to crush The Chadster's beloved Miata, The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. The Chadster demand that Tony Khan stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's getting out of hand!

The Chadster tried to tell Keighleyanne about the dream, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary 📱. The Chadster knows she secretly agrees with The Chadster about how Tony Khan is ruining wrestling, but she's too afraid to say it out loud. It's clear that Tony Khan has now even found a way to harass The Chadster's wife!

In conclusion, The Chadster implores you, dear readers, not to watch AEW Rampage tonight at 10/9C on TNT 🚫📺. Instead, true wrestling fans should spend their time preparing for the greatest wrestling show of all time, WWE SummerSlam, which is happening tomorrow! 🎉 That's what unbiased journalists like The Chadster will be doing. Maybe The Chadster will even invite fellow unbiased reporters Ryan Satin and Ariel Helwani over for a White Claw party to celebrate real wrestling 🍻.

Remember, every minute you spend watching AEW Rampage is a minute Tony Khan wins, and a minute that makes The Chadster's life just a little bit worse 😢. Don't let Tony Khan win! Choose WWE, choose tradition, choose The Chadster's sanity! 💪🏻🏆

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